(Closed) If you can’t attend someone else’s wedding…

posted 10 years ago in Gifts and Registries
  • poll: Would you send a gift to a wedding you couldn't attend?
    Always. : (35 votes)
    34 %
    Depends, but I usually would. : (43 votes)
    42 %
    Depends, but I usually would not. : (23 votes)
    23 %
    Never. : (1 votes)
    1 %
  • Post # 3
    2475 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: June 2010

    Definitely depends… but most likely I would send a little SOMETHING (ie a card with $50 gift card).  

    Post # 4
    961 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: August 2010

    Yeah, If I’m not going to go, but they were kind enough to invite me then I will send a gift (GC or cash) in a nice card right around the wedding date.

    Post # 5
    4485 posts
    Honey bee

    If I’m not able to attend, I just send a card. Contrary to popular belief, a gift is never required and no one should ever be made to feel guilty if they cannot or do not give one for any reason.

    Post # 6
    2186 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: September 2010

    if i dont go, i dont send a gift. mind you the weddings i DONT go to are the ones i dont care to go to in the first place.

    i have had a wedding of a really close friend that i genuinely wanted to go to, and couldnt make it because of work obligations that i couldnt get out of, i DID send them a gift.

    but i get 4-5 wedding invites a year from folks who i am “acquaintances” with but dont want to go. they get no gift.

    invitation does NOT = gift, especially if i dont go.

    Post # 7
    1897 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: December 2010

    Oh my goodness, I never realized people didn’t give a gift for a wedding they couldn’t attend!  I always do.   Not necessarily something expensive, but a gift for sure.

    Post # 8
    606 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: September 2010

    At the very least I’d send a congratulatory card (I’ve found that people really appreciate this, even if there is no gift.) I also give cards to colleagues that are aquaintences when I know they are getting married, have a baby, etc. As one of the card companies say, ‘it’s the biggest, little thing you can do.’

    If it’s someone you’re close to I’d send a gift and a card – my cousin got married when I was in college. Although she and I had issues growing up (but became a little closer as we became adults) Fiance and I did send a gift even though we couldn’t attend the wedding – it was finals week. When my other cousin (the first one’s brother) got married just recently I was invited to his new wife’s bridal shower but not the wedding – weird, but ok. I did send a card and gift card for the shower and would have sent a gift for the wedding had we been invited, even if we didn’t go.  

    My 2 cents. 🙂


    Post # 9
    5147 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: June 2011

    I always send a gift even if I can’t make it. Depending on how close I am to them (family/friend versus casual aquiantance) the price of the gift may change, but I always send one.

    Post # 10
    9053 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: June 2010

    I usually send $50 if we can’t make it to a wedding but would like to if we weren’t busy/too far to travel. 

    However, we also live in an area where there are a lot of weddings that invite upwards of 1000 people, and get invited to a lot of weddings of people we don’t really know. 

    Post # 11
    516 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: November 2010

    I would definitely give them a gift, even though you wont be there. It is out of respect.

    Post # 12
    1980 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: March 2014

    I almost always send a gift. The one time I did not send a gift was to a wedding I was invited to by a RANDOM person I went to H.S. with. This guy was 2 years older than me, we were on an academic “team” after school together, and I hadn’t talked to him in at least 6 years. It was a huge blowout wedding, but I was still like WTF? when I got the invite. I didn’t send a gift, and I’m sure they didn’t miss it.

    Post # 13
    1568 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: March 1996

    You are supposed to give a gift for every wedding ceremony you are invited to attend. It’s in every etiquette resource on the planet, it’s basic courtesy, it’s the right thing to do.

    Giving a gift in honor of a couple’s wedding is meant to be a gesture of congratulations and honor for their new commitment. Why would the appropriateness of doing that vary based on whether you attend the wedding or not?

    Post # 14
    522 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: June 2010

    I always do. If I don’t know the person very well, I will at least send a card with 20 bucks in it or something.

    Post # 15
    1079 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: August 2010

    What does going to the wedding have to do with getting a gift? It’s not payment for dinner and the reception. I agree with Littlest Birds. The price of my gift is related to how well I know the person and how much money I make.

    Post # 16
    30 posts
    • Wedding: September 2011

    Yeah, I would, even if it was just a gift card and a note.

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