(Closed) If you could do it all over again, what would you change and why?

posted 3 years ago in Recaps
Post # 2
Member
1411 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

I would have got organised earlier and given myself time to rest before the big day so I wasn’t tired.

I feel like I’m a winter person so in a way I would have liked a cool frosty atmospheric day with that beautiful winter light, plus it would have been so much cheaper to hire the venue, but we had to get married quickly because of my age so I didn’t have that option unless I waited over a year!

Most of my biggies are things that just came down to budget. I would like to have had more flowers as I went so low budget on mine. They were perfect but not enough. And I would have paid to get someone in to decorate the ceiling of my venue as it was a bit unfinished. I’d love to have had gold cutlery, gold and glass charger plates, all that jazz that give the polished touches. Again no budget! If it sounds shallow that most of my ‘regrets’ are about decor that’s because it took up all my brain space before the wedding and I wanted the result to reflect the efforts! And in terms of food drink and general enjoyment I had nothing to regret….my guests had a great time. As I said before the wedding, that never worried me as I think if you have good company and enough to eat and drink people will be happy.  

I’m not sure about my dress- it was lovely but not nearly as spectacular as some of the ones I see on here so I would love to have had £2000 to play with! I also would have lost another 5-10lbs.

I think it’s great you have the option to do a religious ceremony and that the wedding you didn’t *love* was low budget so you could justify it, plus your family is actually encouraging you. Good luck and hope you plan a really beautiful day. The religious part was important to me- it made it feel special. xxx

 

Post # 3
Member
4093 posts
Honey bee

I’m aware you mentioned that this is for bees who had their wedding already and it doesn’t include me but I wanted to share that I have friends who told me that they wish to change the following:

-give the photographer a shot list

-would have rather not have bridal party in exchange of the drama

-spend more time with guests

-invite less guests

-allot more $$$ on food upgrade and drinks instead of small details that most guests don’t care about-stationaries, table decors, favors, etc.

-hire a videographer (common regrets for those who didn’t)

-hire a day of coordinator at the very least

-not leave the next day or so for the honeymoon but have at least one month in between wedding and honeymoon

-not have the wedding during summer time when it’s super hot (they said they would have preferred to move it in the fall instead)

That’s all I could think of right now and will add some more later if I remember anything else.

Post # 4
Member
7002 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

I am coming up on my 4 year wedding annivesary, and I’m a wedding photographer…so there are many places where I tell brides it’s honestly not worth getting upset about.

  • For starters I would have done the destination wedding I wanted. My Darling Husband and dad really wanted a big wedding and while I loved my big over the top wedding I would have been just as happy in Mexico or Costa Rica…or even Colorado.
  • I would have probably gone a different route with theme and decor.
  • I would have reminded myself that “it just doesn’t matter”. Seriously brides get upset over the smallest of things but when you’ve been married a few years you look back and it honestly just isn’t important anymore.
Post # 5
Member
3731 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

I wish I would have eaten more of our delicious food! I was so busy running around during the reception that I didn’t eat much. I also wish we would have skipped the candy buffet. It wasn’t touched much, so we could have saved a good bit. I also wish I had gotten a videographer. 

Post # 6
Member
463 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2016

I just got married Saturday.  It was a pretty good day but if I had to change anything it would have been to relax the day before and not leave everything until the last minute, have a list of shots written down for the photographer, try my dress on more before the wedding and walk around in it etc-  I was uncomfortable all day and couldn’t wait to get out of my dress. 

Post # 7
Member
9172 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2013

not a thing. 

but like pp said, i wish i had been able to enjoy our food a bit more.  i thought it was rude to eat/chew during the speeches while they kept looking at us.  after speeches, i got up and danced.  when i came back to my table, my food had been cleared.

 

Post # 8
Member
1989 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: February 2016

There isn’t actually much I would change. We had a bigger Wedding than we’d have liked, we were edging towards eloping and so we had a wedding for everyone else. The day wasn’t perfect and things went wrong. It definitely wasn’t Pinterest-worthy.

I wouldn’t have probaly picked winter to get married originally but I actually really enjoyed it in the end. I feel like we provided good food and enough booze but still managed to get a good price for something that we didn’t really want in the first place. I’m glad we didn’t really upgrade the food or worry about the venue. Somehow, before the wedding I got into my head that the venue needed to be wheelchair friendly, even though nobody was wheelchair bound. However, after we’d booked my grandad ended up being wheelchair bound so I’m really glad I insisted on finding a place with accessibility now for whatever strange reason I had at the time. I feel we did enough to make it feel like a wedding but didn’t go overboard.

I did worry about my dress quite a bit. There’s the possibility that if I looked at more dresses or upped the budget or seriously lost weight that I’d have worried less but I don’t think so. My personality is a worrier so I’d have probably worried regardless. I don’t think this wish gets to change personality traits 😉

Shortly after my wedding I did wish I’d got all the formal portraits, we opted for more informal and candid photos. I love these photos and wouldn’t want to give those up at all but my aunt passed away and I just wished we’d had those pictures of us altogether. So if money was no object I’d possibly look at getting someone to do formal pictures leaving my photographers to get their great candid ones. Although there is the question of if everyone is spending all their time taking formal pictures, would we have captured the same candid shots? I don’t want the time for final pictures to eat into the time that the candid shots would have been captured. Given a choice between the formal or the candid, id take the candid. Like I said I don’t want to give those up, it makes throwing a wedding for everyone else feel worth it when I see everyone having fun.

I did feel really ill at the reception and so I’d change that. I think it was a lack of sleep and anxiety in the week before that made me feel ill. As I said I’m a worrier so I’d have still not slept and still been anxious so I’d just rather it didn’t affect me.

The only real thing I would change is the issues my father in law dragged up (I’m assuming we can’t change our inlaws?). So I would have not entertained his hurtful and unnecessary opinions as long as I did and I would have shut it down sooner. I’d also have told my mother in law because if I couldn’t shut it down she could. I’d have also told everyone straight away that the wedding was for everyone else and which bits were important to us and therefore not even remotely up for discussion. 

Post # 10
Member
6273 posts
Bee Keeper

– Started a bit earlier – we were a bit rushed from our ceremony venue. I didn’t want people bored standing about but in actual fact everyone was having a drink and a great atmosphere so I wish we hadn’t had to rush off

– I’d never have bothered with the custom China dress route and held out for what I wanted either secondhand or sample. 

– I’d have done my hair differently

– I’d have given clearer instructions for music at the start of the ceremony.  the song for my entrance was playing before I was ready so it was a horrid rushed start and not how I’d hoped. 

– I’d have given clearer instructions to our dog sitter. My mums dog got a bit squeaky in our ceremony as he wanted to sit on her lap, so we asked our dog sitter to pop out with them, meaning out of the ceremony space – she took them home! So our dogs weren’t in our photos which was one of the main reasons for choosing that ceremony venue! 

– asked someone sensible to check my Darling Husband buttonhole – he was faffing and a friend being helpful pinned it on to him upside down! 

 

There isn’t really anything we spent on I wish we hadn’t that I can advise brides and grooms to be about other than the cake as it wasn’t really like the inspiration photo.

And I know it’s perhaps not common thing to say but basically I wish I’d been a bit more bridezilla – I was trying to be too laid back and therefore felt a bit miffed when things weren’t as I’d envisioned on somethings.  Turns out I cared about somethings more than I gave credit for and my ‘pared back, simple, elegant’ ideas are interpreted differently by different people. 

All of this said we’ve had some preview photos back and it all looks pretty and everyone partied until late and we had so many lovely comments about our beautiful ceremony and celebrant who conducted it so carefully with so much feeling….who cares? 

 

Post # 11
Member
2491 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

I would have provided transportation to and from the venue and the hotel where everyone stayed. I was trying to save money and justify it, but it would have been nice to have a bus to take people to and from.

I also would have changed one of the main dishes to something else I think- it was short ribs, which not a lot of people selected or they didn’t know what they were. Shoulda just gone with filet mignon, which everyone knows and loves.

I loved our venue and wedding, but I do feel bad about making people drive a few hours and getting a hotel.

For the morning after the wedding, there was some confusion about going out for breakfast. We never planned anything like we wanted, we should have been more organized with that.

Post # 12
Member
442 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

– Would have done my own bouquet.  Mum kindly offered to pay for a florist to do my bouquet (bridesmaids bouquets and all buttonholes were DIY with fake flowers) and she did the exact opposite of what I asked for and it didn’t fit with the rest of the flowers.  It doesn’t matter in the end but Mum and I were both pretty annoyed after her spending that money on it when I could have done a better job myself.

– Spent less money on the cake.  We were talked into spending more than we planned on a really cool design, it ended up being really underwhelming (though tasty) and we had so much food on offer that hardly any of it got eaten anyway!

– Would have budgeted for a photobooth!  We wanted one but just ran out of time and funds so couldn’t justify it, and I do love them at weddings.

– Would have given the photographer a more comprehensive shot list.  We only really gave her one for the group photos, and there were a lot of cool unique details at the reception venue that I wish we’d asked her to capture.

Overall we had an amazing day and none of this really mattered, the photographer did an excellent job and guests took lots of photos so we have so many amazing memories even if not all in the pro photos, I can’t wait for the video to come back!

Post # 13
Member
471 posts
Helper bee

I would so love a do-over. First and foremost, I would have stuck to what WE wanted, everyone else be damned. 

But for the wedding we had:

– hire a day-of coordinator

– booked a florist instead of DIY (so stressful for me)

– stuck to my guns about what I wanted instead of bending to others

– gotten ready together (my husband and I)

– delegated more

– not worried about entertaining everyone in the days before

– gone with my gut about the photographer (she was awful)

– gotten married in fall (sis got engaged after me and wanted fall, and I didn’t want to compete) I hate summer in Texas.

Post # 14
Member
516 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2016 - Cambridge Mill

ifiyenia :  Honestly my only regret is that I wish I had told my seamstress to hem my dress more (she assured me it was okay and they rest of the work she did to it was amazing so I trusted her judgement). I kept stepping on it and so did everyone else. I also slipped on it and fell near the end of the night, it’s funny now but it could have easily been prevented if my dress was shorter. 

Post # 15
Member
568 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2016

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