(Closed) If you could get rid of an etiquette rule, which would it be?

posted 10 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
5 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: July 2009

I’ve read in a lot of places that having a cash bar is practically a wedding sin.  Well with our huge families (two sets of step-famillies!) we have a guest list of over 350, and that was already pared down, there’s no way we could serve free alcohol all evening to our party crowd.  I personally would rather have everyone I love there (and sadly make them pay for their own drinks, which they do expect anyways as that is common practice in N. Ontario) then to leave out people because I can’t afford their bar tab. Silly etiquette!

Post # 4
Member
118 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2008

@ miss peony  – really? it’s common practice in N. Ontario?  I’m in South Western Ontario – Windsor actually, and it’s not common down here at all (or in the Tillsonburg area where I have been to several weddings).  P.S. – isn’t there already an actual BEE – Mrs. Peony?

 

I agree with Chelseamorning on the etiquette of getting engaged etc near the same time as someone else in your life.  As they say – you get a day – not a week, not a month, not a year – a day.

Post # 5
Member
398 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: February 2009

I think the one that I threw out the window was the recieving line.  With such a limited time to take pictures after the wedding, I decided to forgo this tradition and go from table to table at the reception.

Post # 6
Member
2007 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

I want to scratch the whole you-can’t-invite-someone-to-the-shower-unless-they’re-invited-to-the-wedding thing!  I can see how it makes sense, but when the Future Mother-In-Law has a list of a dozen girlfriends she wants to invite to the wedding a shower would such a great compromise!  (I have yet to find a way around this one so any suggestions would definitely be appreciated.)

Not to mention I REALLY don’t want to ask anyone to give me TWO presents!  I’m having a hard time even registering for the wedding! 

Post # 8
Member
813 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2018

I agree about  the monopoly on joy! I understand that it can be a little disheartening to brides the first time they hear about someone else’s news, but my advice is to try to be happy for the other person & just wait it out before getting upset. In a few days or weeks, you’ll realize that they aren’t stealing any of your thunder and that there is enough happiness to go around! 

I think that the etiquette rule that should be tossed out is that the bride’s parents pay for the wedding. Nowadays, there are so many different circumstances that come into effect, so I don’t think that the rule should be so straightforward. (I know that many families break this "etiquette rule" but I am in a situation where my FI’s parents think my parents should pay for the wedding… thankfully my parents are beyond generous, but it would be much easier if they didn’t have this mindset! Finances aren’t the problem- they are simply going by what they think is traditional!)

Post # 9
Member
2404 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

in Emily Post’s wedding etiquette book, she says its inappropriate to write "adults only reception"..but it seems just writing the 2 parents on the envelope never gets the point across! i will be following her guidelines though.

Post # 10
Member
2007 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

@chelseamorning: She wanted to invite them to the wedding.  We haven’t even started discussing shower stuff yet.  I just thought it would be a fun way to party with them (these ladies are a hoot) without adding to the wedding guest list.  I’ll definitely keep that in mind.  Thanks!

Post # 11
Member
127 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2018

Good question! I would agree with the adult reception thing. It can be hard to get some things across to people when there are so many things you aren’t supposed to write on invites. I have all those details on the website, but I know people won’t look there.

Post # 12
Member
5 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: July 2009

@kpenn -Yeah we’re getting married in Temiskaming Shores (between North Bay & Timmins) and pretty much no one has an open bar up there!  Since moving to Hamilton (S. Ontario) we’ve been introduced to this must-be-open bar concept.  So strange! 🙂 We joke that it’s because Northern Ontario-ians drink so much no one could afford a wedding with over 10 guests if it was open.

Also I didn’t know there was an actual Mrs. Peony….hmm maybe I should change?

Post # 13
Member
2640 posts
Sugar bee

I think it would be to relax on the purpose of some of this stuff.  For example, I can understand bad etiquette being trying to take the spotlight off the bride.  Or inviting someone to the ceremony but not the reception.  These are things that will hurt feelings. 

But if someone is wearing a simple dress that isn’t an attention getter, who cares if it’s white or ivory?  And what’s the big deal about putting "adults only" on an invitation?  Even if someone gets hurt feelings by not having the kids invited, they will be just as hurt reading "Mr. and Mrs. John Smith" on the envelope, as they will reading "adult only reception" on the invitation.

Etiquette is meant to establish decorum so that people don’t get embarrassed or hurt feelings, but in a gracious way.  Instead, many people use etiquette as a weapon to put down others. If someone knew etiquette and didn’t follow it, they are considered rude.  (Is it possible they just don’t have much money? Or proper etiquette wasn’t logistically possible?)  If they didn’t know etiquette they are often considered ignorant, or misjudged that they probably did know better.  All of that is bad etiquette, IMO.

Post # 15
Member
371 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

Invitation etiquette drives me nuts, tranditional wording, contemporary wording, the need to have this word here, and that word there. Ughhhhhhh, makes me crazy 🙂

Post # 16
Member
350 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2009

In addition to Tanya’s great points, I think it’s also important to remember that some of the things that get thrown around as "correct etiquette" are not actually etiquette rules.  For example, it is not against the rules of etiquette to serve an all-vegetarian reception, or throw a party with no alcohol, but sometimes people will try to bully couples into changing their choices by claiming it’s "rude" or "incorrect" to do it the way the couple wants. So don’t believe everything people tell you about etiquette!

My least favorite etiquette rule?  The "only engraved or individually hand-written invitations are acceptable" rule (as seen in Miss Manners’ wedding book).  Come on now.  Is it really "incorrect" to spend less than $10 per invitation?  And don’t even get me started on the insane idea that people should sit down and hand-write 150 invitations to a large wedding just to be "correct" in Miss Manners’ eyes.  Are there actually people out there who are going to be offended by a flat-print invitation?

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