(Closed) If you could get rid of an etiquette rule, which would it be?

posted 12 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 32
2292 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2008

I would completely get rid of the "rule" about registry information!  And we didn’t follow it anyway.  Like a few of you, I’m quite happy when the bride includes registry information and doesn’t make me search for it – I think it’s just respectful of my time.  Although I do think that the registry cards the stores give you just look tacky.  We had a matching insert printed.

And regardless of the conventional etiquette, I feel like I did it to be polite.  My mom is a busy lady, and when we talked about it she had less than no desire to be the person in charge of the "word of mouth" on the registry information.  I thought that given that, it would be more rude of me to ensure that she got dozens of phone calls asking her where we were registered.  I have seen several people get all bent out of shape about this issue, but I agree with marquisemiss – a nicely printed registry card is a helpful tip for the guest – no different than a map, instructions, and hotel information.  People can ignore the registry card if they like, just as they can book a room at a completely different hotel.

Post # 33
613 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2009

LOL!!!  Laurel and roseychicklet I swear we should hang out!!

I would like to do away with hand caligraphy (printed mine), no ‘adult reception’ on invitations (i had to create an entire website just to emphasize the adult only reception), and, like roseychicklet, I’d like to just give people honest answers: well Sally, since we just found each other on facebook after 15 years, I didnt think you would be so offended that I did not invite you to my wedding….

And can we get rid of all the white dresses too?  I look rather crappy in white…sure do wish my granny would be ok with something red… 

Post # 34
100 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: April 2010

I consider myself fairly traditional and think some of the "old " etiquette rules are nice, but really, all of this etiquette stuff is just too much work and I’ll probably throw a few things out the window!  Like hand-writing all the addresses for the invitations…I’m sooo running those bad boys through the printer).  I wish we could have a cash bar (it would save us A LOT of money…we both have large families…and they can all do some serious damage at the bar) but my Fiance is adament about having an open bar.  And once we have our shower, if we really NEED to use something we registered for, I’d really like to be able to use it. 

Post # 35
265 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

I am totally writing where the registry can be found, too bad for Miss Manners. We have a ton of people coming from across the country who are probably dying to by us tons of farm animal shaped candle holders or something. They must be stopped!

Post # 36
37 posts
  • Wedding: September 2009

I ditto the etiquette rule that all Out of Town guests have to be invited to the rehearsal dinner. We’re having a destination wedding and my FI’s parents are paying for the rehearsal dinner. There is no way I would expect them to pay for all Out of Town guests. I actually had a Aunt call my mom and ask what the deal was with any "family get togethers…" then she went on to say "oh well in my family, everyone went to the rehearsal dinner and we did a luncheon and this and that…" Well, she came from money and we don’t have that! Boy, some people have the audicity! Actually, this is the same Aunt who joked at my cousin’s wedding for registering from Target. I actually wouldn’t mind registering at Target, but because of my Aunt’s comments, I’m hesitant…is it really that bad to register at Target or is she just a snob? Geesh!

Post # 38
332 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2009

We are throwing "etiquette" out the window in the following areas (all invite-related; I designed them myself–I am quite the rebel, and I do not care!! ):

  • We had our invitations flat-printed, rather than engraved.
  • We included both sets of parents’ names on the invitations.
  • We typed the guests’ addresses on clear labels with a non-script, serif font and a pretty design.
  • We included the woman’s name in the address.
  • We included an RSVP (post)card.
  • We did not include an inner envelope.

Post # 39
45 posts
  • Wedding: June 2010

I think inner envelopes are absolutely wasteful 🙁  I know people work hard on their invites, but there has to be a more eco-friendly way to protect them in the mail.


Post # 40
397 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2009

@missalise- NO! it’s not wrong to register at Target.  They really do have some nice stuff.  I registered there and Bed, Bath & Beyond.  Personally, I hate when people register at the pricey stores.  Not all guests are made of money.  If you’re going to throw a bunch of high priced items on a registry then also make sure to put lower priced items on there as well.

My Future Mother-In-Law likes to follow traditional etiiquettes.  A lot of the time I just have to be firm on my decisions so she doesn’t try to change them. 

I feel like it’s your wedding *and your finance* and while it’s nice to get listen and get advice from family & friends, it’s really what you two want to do… etiquette or not!

Post # 41
445 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2007

Woops! I actually did put "Adult Reception" on my invites. So I guess that would be the one etiquette I would have gotten rid of!

I also think that the invitation is extremely wasteful. Spending so much money on something that your guests are all going to throw away anyway.

Post # 42
1888 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

I don’t think anyone mentioned this but seating charts–why?  Do our friends and family not know how to sit down?  Can’t they just sit where they want without being told? 

I haven’t even started designing my invites yet, but I didn’t know “adult reception” was bad etiquette–none of our friends have kids, though some relatives do.  I don’t really think it would be a huge fuss if a couple people bring their kids, as long as they’re well behaved.

And as a side note, around here (Maryland) nobody does a cash bar, so that didn’t even come into play.  I guess it’s just a cultural thing, but I can’t imagine spending lots of money on a nice gift and an outfit to go to a friend’s wedding and then having to pay for my own drinks when I get there.  Beer and wine just aren’t that expensive.

Post # 43
11324 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 2011

love this post! a lot of the little things I just don’t care about (like calligraphy, soo don’t care). 

But the big one I’m stuck with that I would LOVE to abolish is HAVING to invite all of your family. If you invite one cousin you have to invite them all. If you allow one kid you have to allow them all. Sorry, but that’s bs. I don’t invite friends who are generally obnoxious/bad people. Why should I have to invite family I don’t like JUST because we share a common grandparent. I mean please. arghhhh hate this so much!

Post # 44
6390 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2011

I’m designing our invites with a set that we got from Target, and even though I know it’s wrong and I wouldn’t do it…I wish I could just invite everyone through Facebook. Just click their names and have them show up :). That would be fantastic.

Post # 45
1068 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2011

Looking at some of these, I think that we (collectively) are already changing the tides on these rules. Maybe it’s a different generation of people getting married and we aren’t practicing traditions, but I think these traditions are turning:

  • A receiving line (Of the 5 weddings I went to his year, I’ve only seen this once)
  • hand-printed addresses on invitations (this is about 50-50 for me – about half are computer printed, and half are handwritten. I’ve gotten a computer printed label for a letter press invitation before)
  • Parents paying (this is hardly ever the case anymore – since we are older and have stable jobs, most of my friends have paid for their own weddings, including ourselves.

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