Post # 47
there of course are so many different points of view and circumstances that affect someones decision about money and a relationship. My Fiance and I both had jobs when we started dating early last year, he was laid off just 3 months into our relationship, and I was laid off 2 months later. we both had unemployment insurance, I took the layoff as an opportunity to go back to school, and am in my school retraining program, which allows me to continue to collect UI, while going to school full time, my Fiance just found a job and started last week, he was avidly looking every week and went on soooo many interviews over the last year +, we both took a cut in our income, but we managed, as long as two people are happy together, i think a relationship works, money is definitely NOT a reason we’re together or a factor for us, he eventually wants to go into counseling, which would take a cut in pay again (down the road after we have kids) and he also wants me to be able to not HAVE to work, maybe he’s old fashion in the fact he wants to ‘take care’ of me and his family. I think income is definitely NOT a reason to end a relationship, unless someone is just completely taking advantage of the other, then there are things that would need to change/end. Supporting someone completely if they’re just a complete slacker is one thing, but if both are contributing to a relationship, even if not evenly financially, it could work.
Post # 48
I think it depends – if I knew they were working as hard as they could then I’d be okay with it but if they weren’t really trying to make more money then I’d be angry.
Post # 49
This is a big deal to some people. They want to feel secure in their future and know that they won;t have a “heavy weight” so to speak, pulling them down financially. I don’t agree with this at all, but I do see the viewpoint
Post # 49
this is a result of the feminization of men and downfall of society
Post # 50
I used to have a SO who worked for about 3-4 years at a job and then would either purposely get fired or quit.
Or, would somehow find a way to sue them. this used to piss me off beyond, as I was busting my ass with 3 kids supporting the fort.
Winters were unemployment due to the nature of most jobs were seasonal. It sucked.
And honestly now, I would be the same, if hes not making enough or being a lazy ass loafer.. im out. Its my time. And maybe someday I can be a stay at home mom with no kids (they are older adults) thats my goal.
Post # 51
One of my cousins is married to a guy who is so concerned about her ability to equally contribute financially that he actually BILLED her; his own WIFE; for exactly half of all their expenses as well as her groceries during the three months she was unemployed due to a cross-country move HE chose to make for his own career, which forced her to leave a great paying job she’d had since right after college. Unfortunately her company was locally owned and operated so there wasn’t any transfer option for her, and after she did find work her husband sat her down and created a payment schedule and amount that she was to repay him each paycheck; in addition to still paying half the regular bills and being responsible for buying her own groceries; until her “debt” was paid in full!
He took this money and put in HIS savings account since he demands seperate finances altogether, (and I think before they moved she used most of her own savings to buy a new car) and to me this seems over the top as they are a married couple and have been married for 10 years and are childless by HIS choice only. He was afraid being a mom would end up interfering with her ability to keep up with her financial responsibilities to the household! I am SO THANKFUL my DH is not like him!
Post # 52
It depends for me.
If the person wasn’t educated, worked a job they didn’t like, and didn’t make enough money, that would wear on me. They could always go back to school or job search. But if the person were in a job they were passionate about and just were paid poorly, that’s okay.
Post # 53
I know this is horrible but not only do I judge him, I also judge your cousin for going along with that sh*t.
Post # 54
If my husband billed me, I’d be billing him for divorce papers.
Post # 55
I voted “it depends,” because for me, it would be more about communication between the partners and agreement about being on the same page, than about the amount that one partner was (or was not) making at any given time. If my partner decided that he wanted to quit his job to pursue his hobby as a full-time career, or work only part-time so that he could transition to a full-time career in his hobby, I would support him in that. If he was injured on the job and could no longer work (temporarily or permanently), I would support him. However, we’re also CBC, so the “SAHM/SAHH” model doesn’t work for us, because we have no children have no need for one partner to stay home to care for the house. It would be completely illogical for either of us to take the stay-at-home route (which does not mean that it doesn’t make sense for other couples who DO have children to opt for that, especially when the kids are younger, with how expensive childcare is). Likewise, if I decided to pursue a career that was non-traditional, I think that my partner would be supportive (I have worked part-time in the past, and supplemented my part-time income with a home business).
However, if one of us just…stopped working…then I think that we would have issues. Both of us come from a blue-collar background, and both of us value work. Neither of us would put up with that kind of behavior for long.
Post # 56
Well, I did choose “It depends”, only bc if a woman contributes nothing to the relationship financially then that is very hard on a guy to have to be the sole breadwinner. Granted, he may be the main breadwinner but it does take the pressure off him to have a little help. Just like a woman wouldn’t want to marry someone unmotivated, I can see why a guy wouldn’t necessarily want to be with someone who just leeched off him. However, if a guy would dump someone for not having some big profession, or if she were hard-working but got laid off and couldn’t find another job (the job market is NOT the same these days), then that’s a bit much. Back in the day, people used to tough through tough situations. So it depends on what a person means by not enough money.
Post # 57
“this is a result of the feminization of men and downfall of society
” — Resurrecting dead posts, you mean?
Post # 58
This post is 5 years old!
Post # 59
I in no way understand why this is even remotely acceptable to her, but this was the agreement they made together before he would even consider marriage; with him also telling her that if she wanted children it would be a 100% deal breaker; and she agreed because she loves him. He is generally a decent guy other than this although to me he seems a slight bit arrogant at times. Whatever works for each couple I guess…
In know, right?! That wouldn’t fly with me at all!!!
Post # 60
As long as he treats her right in general, that’s all that matters. I just got a little bit of a “control freak” vibe and I hope she isn’t agreeing to a whole bunch of things that might make her uncomfortable just because she loves him.