Post # 1
I am SO tired of people accepting to be a bridesmaid in a bridal party and then bitching and complaining about the cost of the dress, the bachelorette party, the shower, having to actually show up at the wedding, etc, etc. How about if you don’t want to be a bridesmaid, JUST SAY NO!
I can only speak for myself, but when I asked my girls to be bridesmaids I specifically told them what would be involved. I told them that they will need to purchase a Bridesmaid or Best Man dress (then asked them all what their budget was and found a dress UNDER their budget) told them they will need to help my sister out with the bridal shower as well as the bach party, and they will need to come to the rehearsal dinner and wedding. That’s it. Is that really too much to ask?? If it IS too much to ask, why don’t people just say no? Why do they feel the need to agree and then complain and bitch about it on wedding bee boards, to friends, family and co-workers?
Not once have I asked anyone to help with DIY projects, invitations, favors, anything. I told them they didn’t even have to have their hair and makeup done if they didn’t want to. They don’t even have to buy shoes! And yet people still feel the need to complain. Why did you even agree to be a Bridesmaid or Best Man in the first place?
I just don’t get it.
Post # 4
I agree with you to a point. Some brides are really demanding though, and sometimes I think the brides are way out of line.
Post # 5
Just an observation: The brides who asked, and had the person say no, also complain and “bitch” too.
Post # 6
@Legallyblondiebride: I guess I would have to know more specifics to agree or disagree with you.
Overall, those demands seem pretty reasonable, but I have seen brides on here with “reasonable” demands of their BMs that I think are crazy (“You agreed to be my Bridesmaid or Best Man and now you’re complaining about spending $5000 to go to Vegas for my bachelorette or spending $300 on a Bridesmaid or Best Man dress?? Like, ZOMG!”).
It is frustrating when people don’t seem to want to be involved though when they are special to you.
Post # 7
I think people just like to complain.
Post # 8
I researched my dress cost prior to asking my BMs so I told them everything they would have to pay for upfront and gave them a chance to really know what they were agreeing to do. I dont think its fair when people ask someone to be their Bridesmaid or Best Man and the Bridesmaid or Best Man blinding accepts and then realizes later that the dress, shoes, hair, makeup and everything will be way more than she can afford
Post # 9
@Legallyblondiebride: Not all brides are like you though. Some are demanding and I feel bad for those BMs. Good for you for realizing that just because they are bridemaids doesn’t mean they owe you anything. =)
Post # 10
I am having the same problem with the groomsmen actually – my ladies are fine! One of the groomsmen thought it was funny to ask me what he was supposed to check off on the RSVP card because he wanted to “accept with resignation” instead of “accept with pleasure.” They also keep talking about how the wedding is going to be a shitshow and how drunk they are going to get. Not things you say to a bride. It’s very stressful.
No advice, just wanted you to know I feel your pain! I know weddings are never important to other people as they are to the bride and groom, but people should show some respect when they are in a wedding party and not go out of their way to complain about it to the bride or to people that may let it get back to the bride.
Post # 11
As far as the dress is concerned, I asked all of the girls separately what they would feel comfortable spending. I then found a dress that was less expensive than the budget made by the BM’s themselves.
The shower will be hosted by my family, and all my sister asks is that the BM’s help her with decorating the day of and designating one item per person (soda, napkins, utensils, paper plates, etc.) They do not have to make any food as that will be done by my family, and they do not have to give a monetary contribution as my mother is funding the entire thing.
As far as the bachelorette party goes, I left that up to my sister and Maid/Matron of Honor. To keep costs down, we will be going to a bar (approx $5 cover charge) and all the girls will have to pay for are drinks for themselves. I fully intend on buying my drinks since everyone is complaining that they are broke. I don’t think any of this is unreasonable.
When I asked the girls to be bridesmaids I let them know each individually that I know being a bridesmaid can be a burden and not to feel bad about saying no. I told them all that I would understand. They all agreed and said they would love to be in it. Now 2 years later they are bitching about what little money they may have to spend and bitching about dates being inconvenient for them and whatnot.
I think I am far from a bridezilla….
Post # 12
@bells: I actually do agree with this. A few years ago one of my best friends asked me to be a Bridesmaid or Best Man and I excitedly accepted however she didn’t tell me she was only looking at designer dresses and shoes. I ended up with at $550 ugly Amsale dress I could never wear again and shoes that I could barely walk down the aisle in. Had she told me her expectations ahead of time, I might have just offered to do a reading instead. It wasn’t about the ugly dress and painful shoes, but about the costs.
Post # 13
@Legallyblondiebride: No you are not being bridezilla at all. You haven’t requested anything unreasonable.
Post # 14
And what REALLY set me off was today:
My sister informed me that about 3 weeks ago she sent both an e-mail and text message to all the girls asking if a specific date worked for everyone for the bach party. No one replied so she sent a follow up e-mail and text today saying that since no one replied she is assuming that date is good. Not more than 5 minutes later two of my BM’s text ME to bitch about the date and how it doesn’t work for them.