“If you don’t want to plan a big wedding, then you’re not ready to get married.”

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
521 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2012 - Salvage One, Chicago

I think the simplest answer is: you can’t generalize.

Post # 4
1766 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

This is nonsense.  Ask him to show you the statistical data that backs up his claims.

From my personal experience: I HATED wedding planning. But both Darling Husband and I love being married. We haven’t had an argument since the wedding planning is over.

Post # 5
2065 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

While I can sort of understand why they would see a link between the two, at the same time that person has to realize that everyone has different circumstances.

If Fiance and I had headed down to the courthouse the week after we got engaged, I don’t think we’d be any less prepared for marriage than we are less than a month away from our “big” wedding. All of the things that the last comment pointed out, we’ve dealt with before wedding planning. We’ve lived together for awhile, so there’s financial balancing. His father lived with us for 6 months, so if that doesn’t count for dealing with in-laws I don’t know what does. Most of our bridesmaids/groomsmen are already married (we’re late bloomers apparently), so we’ve been able to experience how relationships change after marriage.

Yes, wedding planning HAS brought us closer together, but I don’t think a girl not wanting to dive head first into the circus that is wedding planning means she isn’t ready to get married. I fully agree that the wedding doesn’t equal the marriage.

Post # 6
1729 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

to all this i will say what my Fiance said to me when we have issues with wedding planning… ” I dont want a wedding.. I want to marry you, a wedding is a way to have that happen with our friends and family involved..but I would elope just as quick as long as I get to be your husband”

I think that should sum it up Fully

Post # 8
3367 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2011

Blowing off some steam by casually commenting that you’re “sick and tired” isn’t an indication of anything other than your feelings at that moment.  I’d say that your friend’s ability to communicate her stress in a non-threatening way bodes well for her communication during the stressful times of marriage.  Actually, I wouldn’t say any of that, because reading into that simple statement is completely ridiculous. 

Post # 9
5295 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: January 1993

I think that’s ridiculous – and I had a 27-month engagement. Like you said, not every woman is a born event planner. If she and her Fiance know that having a smaller wedding (timeline and budget) is what’s best for them, that’s cool.

If there are any statistics attached – I’d be more inclined to believe that ‘shotgun’ weddings are a contributing factor – the couple who runs off to Vegas after two weeks of dating. the 17-year olds rebelling against their parents – things like that where the couple decided on more of an impulse vs. really discussing if they felt ready for marriage.

Post # 10
6394 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2011

@JBing: Good answer. 

Darling Husband and I did learn a lot through the wedding process and it was very valuable to us, but our marriage wouldn’t have been doomed to fail if we would have just eloped! If that’s the only difference between a succesful and an unsuccessful marriage, the divorce statistics would look a lot different!

Post # 11
1048 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

I think it’s bull.

I do understand that dealing with wedding stress together can be beneficial to your relationship and potentially could help you learn how to work through problems, but I honestly don’t think it’s any indicator of whether or not your marriage will be successful.

I’ve always thought the opposite way – the women who get SO involved with details and wanting things to be perfect make me think they’re more interested in the wedding than the actual marriage.

Post # 12
3618 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

The person who responded to your comment worded it in a better way that I could agree with. I agree that planning a wedding does introduce a lot of new stress and is a BIG test on the relationship, BUT I don’t think that if you’re not into/excited about planning a big wedding/don’t want to doesn’t mean your relationship won’t last. I haven’t met a married girl who said she enjoyed the wedding planning process and wished it’d lasted longer. All of my friends, myself included, can not wait to “get it over with”. We are ready to have our free time back and be happily married with a life again.

Post # 13
540 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

Whoa, whoa, whoa… I totally disagree with comment guy.  I understand how she feels about being “sick and tired of thinking about the wedding.”  Just because she doesn’t want to plan the event, does not mean she doesn’t want the marriage.  I think it just happens that women generally like event planning, so this guy drew up this strange happy planning=happy marriage correlation.  For one, wedding planning is stressful – mentally, physically, and financially.  I believe as long as your friend isn’t stressed about it emotionally, then there’s nothing abnormal going on.

I’m almost hesitant to say this because I know there’ll be bee backlash, but I’m going to say it anyway.  I often feel that women who are too invested in the wedding planning lose sight of the big picture.  And then after the planning and big day are over, reality sets back in and they realize they now have a marriage to work on.  I’m not saying all women who love planning are like this, but it happens more often than you think.

Post # 14
329 posts
Helper bee

I think the whole thing is ridiculous, and what irks me the most is people like that who think Facebook is an open forum to post unwanted and unwarranted opinions or insults on other people’s status updates or photos. Would they actually say that stuff to someone in real life? So why does hiding behind a computer screen make it okay? Grrr.

Post # 16
9824 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

This guy just sounds like a know-it-all who likes to facebook argue. Please. If you say on facebook “Ugh, I really don’t want to go to work today” does that mean you’re not ready to have the responsibility of a job? No, it probably just means you’re mildly stressed and venting. Why does everything need to be picked apart?

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