If you experienced PPD with your first…did you have a second?

posted 1 week ago in Babies
Post # 2
Member
2417 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

I had a tough time with my son. I didn’t have PPD but he had allergies that made it hard for him to put on weight. I’ve recently had my second (oldest is 2) and she has been a breeze, birth was easier, feeding is better and I feel a lot more like me a lot quicker (she is 9 days old) 

neither pregnancy was great, but the second one was less complicated. 

For me the second has been a lot better than the first. llevinso :  

Post # 3
Member
6218 posts
Bee Keeper

llevinso :  I don’t have a second yet, but I totally understand your feelings. I tell people all the time that I’d give birth a million times over if I could skip the newborn phase. Giving birth was easy – having a newborn was the hardest shit I’ve ever done in my life and I’m just feeling like I could suffer through it again now that my kid is 19 months.  BUT, I look back on that time now and realize that in the scheme of life a few months isn’t very long (although it feels it at the time). If I did it once and I can do it again. I focus on the positives and how I think my daughter will be a great big sister. We originally wanted 3, but it’s likely we’ll stop at 2 because the newborn stage is so rough. I just don’t want to stop at 1 because I think growing up with siblings is important and I want that for my daughter. 

Post # 6
Member
2417 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

I think the key I’ve found this time is identifying the ‘mistakes’ I made with him and learning from them. For example, I did first feed with her much sooner, I laboured standing / kneeling in a pool. I gave birth on all fours, I’ve been taking fenugreek from day one. All of which have helped me to have a better time this time. 

I know a woman who had horrible PPD and like you if only got better when she stopped breastfeeding at a year. With her second, she breastfed for the first week to get the colostrum but then she allowed herself to formula feed and it worked for her in keeping the PPD away. llevinso :  

Post # 7
Member
6218 posts
Bee Keeper

llevinso :  would you consider formula feeding next time around? If skipping breastfeeding helps you feel more like yourself then that’s a totally valid option. 

Post # 8
Member
2327 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2018

I am currently pregnant with our second. I had a very tramatic birth experience and my son spent 2 weeks in the NICU. I never got diagnosed with PPD, but I definitely think I had it looking back now and talking to my OB about what what going on those early weeks postpartum. I’m definitely nervous but hopeful that a (hopefully) calmer birth experience will help. I’m also much more self-aware now and I think more willing to accept help (which I wasn’t when I had my son). I also warned my OB so she will be keeping a closer eye on me PP. 

We’ve always wanted 2 kids so I think I’ve just tried to mentally prepare myself as best as possible. I’ve also discussed my fears with my husband so he can help me and understand what will make me feel supported also. 

Post # 9
Member
2084 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

I had PPD with my first, and thought it was normal ‘baby blues’, but with the help from my doctor realized it went much further than that.  Once I figured that out, I was able to to ask for and recieve extra help from my husband and extended family, which slowly lessened the degree of my ppd. 

My son was a colic baby and cried for hours on end.  It was awful and even though I loved him with all my heart I struggled so much.  He was the classic ‘high needs’ baby and I vividly remember thinking I would never be able to have another baby if they were anything like he was.  The first 4-6 months were so hard.  Eventually we hired a sleep consultant (as I was completely at my wits end) and as soon as sleep fell into place, everything shifted for the better.  And shortly after that, baby fever kicked in again and we got pregnant again.  My kids are 25 months apart.

My second post partum was like night and day to the first.  DS2 was literally a dream baby…happy, quitet, content, easy to put down, textbook napper etc etc.  Pregnancy and birth were simple and straight forward and I know I was very lucky this time around.  I also think that having a toddler to care for and also knowing what having a baby is like helped the second time around.  It wasn’t such shock and the expectations I had for myself (and my baby) weren’t quite as high.  Also if you are aware that you are susceptible to PPD, this may help as you will be looking out for it more and *hopefully* can get help before it spirals too far. Having a good support system in place is key. 

Post # 10
Member
94 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: May 2019

First baby, high maintenance, colicky, bad PPD. Second baby, super easy, calm, still bad PPD. For me, I’m positive that it was a combination of external factors but I have always battled depression and anxiety, and it was just sooo amplified after having my children. I just tried to recognize that the horrible feelings I was having were partially hormonal and just to get through the day. Day by day. And I promised myself it would get better and just tried to ask for help when I needed it. I’m not going to lie, it was really really hard. But I’d still do it over again. My kids are just the light of my life. I do understand tho. Don’t be afraid to ask for help and speak up. TELL people you’re struggling with PPD! Don’t hide it. It makes your mind go even wilder when you do it alone. 

Post # 11
Member
2225 posts
Buzzing bee

I can’t speak to this personally, but my sister had PPD with her first and she seemed to have a much better time with her second. I don’t know whether it was just much less or not at all. And she did get antianxiety meds during her first pregnancy that she stayed on with her second, so that probably helped level things out as well. I didn’t pry into too many details, but I know that she talked about really struggling with the first and she seemed to have a much easier time the second time around. 

Post # 12
Member
138 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

I only have one so far, but I can commiserate on the feeling sad you might only want one. I was super anxious at the end of pregnancy, which resulted in my doctor letting me get induced. Then my son was in NICU for 2 weeks with a (genetic) seizure condition he has since outgrown. I had the same as a baby and in the moment I couldn’t handle the idea of ever having another kid and putting them/myself through that again. After he came home though, my anxiety magically disappeared. I don’t know if I had a bit of PPD or if it was just sleep deprivation (sleep regression hit around 3 months and lasted a loong time), but I really didn’t enjoy the newborn period up to about 6 months, and finally started to feel like I could do it again when he started sleeping better around 6.5 months (he’s just hitting 8 now). I don’t know when I will feel ready ready, but I am nervous about how much I struggled given that I had a healthy pregnancy physically, and basically the happiest, most agreeable little guy, besides the sleep issues. Good luck with whatever you decide! 

Post # 13
Member
7592 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2010

I had terrible PPD with my first child. I had thoughts of self harm and was actively thinking of ways to carry it out. But I had hardly any negative feelings with my second child, and none at all with my third. I was very aware of my propensity and was monitored carefully by my drs for my next pregnancies- but luckily I didn’t need any intervention or help.

Post # 14
Member
8894 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2017 -  California

I just want to say — there is NOTHING wrong with only having one child, for whatever reason, and you are absolutely not failing your son if he doesn’t have a sibling.

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