If you experienced PPD with your first…did you have a second?

posted 2 months ago in Babies
Post # 17
Member
403 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

I’m pregnant with my third. I had pretty severe PPD with my first, less severe with my second, and hoping for none with my third. I think some of the PPD has improved because I know what to expect, and I know what helped to get me feeling back to myself. My dear friend had it terribly with her first/ and had none with her second. So I think it’s different for everyone. Agree with another poster though- one child is just fine. I am an only child- no complaints. Do what you feel is right for you and your family and be honest with how you’re feeling. I’m also an older parent, so I get the sense of urgency you’re feeling. Good luck to you! 

Post # 18
Member
564 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2007 - City, State

llevinso :  So don’t breastfeed. Use formula. Unless that is super important to you, giving birth and using formula could help you avoid the hormonal fluctuations, as well as some herbal supplements to detox your body and liver. I also recommend not going on hormonal birth control for 12 weeks so your body can heal from 10 months of pregnancy.

I’m 33 weeks with #4. I’m taking a sage tincture to dry my milk up and doing formula, same as with #3. And because of that decision, I was able to enjoy my baby last time and focus on healing my body from my csection and not be a raging psycho. I had a few days of baby blues and I expect that this time as well. There’s no way in hell I could commit to the hormonal aspect of breastfeeding.

Post # 19
Member
3297 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2016

You do not have to have another child, Bee. There are A LOT of benefits to being an only child, and to being a parent to only one child. You seem to be trying to convince yourself to have another, as if that’s the “right” decision. Just because you used to want two doesn’t mean that’s the best thing for you, your family, or your son. 

I think you need to take the time to really question why you so badly want to want another. You are not letting your son down. He will have a wonderful life either way and if you have any preconceived notions about only children, I assure you the research shows the opposite. There is absolutely no reason for you to have a second if you don’t want to. 

If you wake up tomorrow actually wanting to have another child, then go for it! But if you’re trying to convince yourself that you should have a second one, I think you need to hold off, do your research, and consider that your family may already be complete. 

Post # 20
Member
623 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2017

 

llevinso :  I currently only have one living child, and it was a horrific pregnancy and birth where we almost lost him multiple times, 2 weeks in NICU, and I didn’t get to hold him for a week after birth. I’ve always wanted more kids, but I got pregnant accidentally when he was 4 months and the terror was very real. I lost that baby early  in the pregnancy, but it did bring back memories of the terrible ptsd and ppd I had with my son. Right now I have baby fever again and want more, but some days I think that I can’t handle having another with the possibility that something (or many things) will go wrong again. So solidarity, and I agree with Grid that there is absolutely nothing wrong with having only one child. Many of the people I know are only children and they have full and beautiful lives. 

Post # 21
Member
524 posts
Busy bee

I suffered from depression before I had children, but yes. I did suffer PPD after each birth. It was difficult but got through it. 

Post # 23
Member
1159 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

First of all, you do not need to have another kid unless you want to!  But I will share my experience.  I had many of the same feelings and finally went on meds when my son was around a year old, which really helped.  We wrestled a lot with whether to have a second kid and decided to try when my son was 18 months.  I got pregnant right away and Dirty Delete was born a month ago today.  This experience has been sooo much better.  Night and day.  I feel so much more confident about how to care for a baby and it’s just so much easier this time even though I also have a crazy toddler.  I lined up a lot of help this time which is huge.  Also, trying to breastfeed/pump exacerbated my depression and anxiety so I just did it for two weeks then switched to formula.  Also, this sounds dumb but it has been way easier to lose weight this time.  I gained the same amount of weight and was the exact same weight when going to the hospital both times but I’m already down to the same weight now after one month that it took me months and months to get to in my first pregnancy.  So that has been nice too because I already feel like myself again.  Anyway that’s just my experience.  I’m glad I had a second child so far but I would have also been happy to be one and done.  It’s a tough decision.  Good luck!

Post # 24
Member
177 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

I had a raging case of PPD with my first. She was colicky for 20 weeks, breastfeeding didn’t work (I exclusively pumped for 9 months which was not a great decision for me) and baby had to stay in the hospital for 5 days due to jaundice. Things were so awful, my husband had to take a leave of absence from work for a few months because I was basically non-functional. I felt like I didn’t really bond with her until she was at least 6 months old. The whole situation just sucked.

I always wanted two kids, so we forged ahead with another pregnancy. This time we were much better prepared: we lined up extra help to give me a hand the first three months, including a night nurse a night a week. I had a much milder case of PPD with baby 2, and she was also just a much easier baby. Not a great sleeper, but no colic and she breastfed like a champ. I considered not even trying to breastfeed her after the disaster with baby 1, but I’m glad I gave it a shot. I nursed baby 2 successfully for 14 months and felt much more bonded to her right off the bat.

In short: it is not a given that you’ll have PPD after each birth. You may be like me and have a much easier time! But…even my “easy” baby was a lot of work and mental/emotional stress, and looking after two small children is really, really hard (mine are 27 mo apart). I would not do it unless you are really, really sure you want another baby.

Best wishes to you!

Post # 25
Member
4425 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

llevinso :  I was very lucky to not have PPD after my son, but I wanted to say that even without it, I was a firm NO on another child for the first 2+ years. My son turned 3 just after Christmas, and I’ve only shifted into the “Eh. We’ll see when he’s 5” category. There’s a lot of awesome in these first several years, but it’s hard. Each year, what makes it hard changes and just throws me off completely. I guess I’m writing to echo PP…you may not ever want a second, and that’s totally okay. Your son will be fine. My son will be fine if we don’t. Kids are f***ing hard. 

Post # 26
Member
1232 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

I’ve gone back and forth. When kids were just a hypothetical, my husband wanted one and I wanted two. After I went through a hellacious postpartum period with our first kid, I wanted one and he wanted two. It took the first kid turning three — learning to use the bathroom, dressing himself, all that normal functional human stuff — before I started feeling like there was one more person in the family I hadn’t met yet. So, now we’re expecting baby #2. 

I had PPA, mostly, not PPD, but it was crippling. Like others here, I didn’t enjoy the first several months of my first kid’s life and it took me a long time to bond. The kid was colicky and jaundiced, sleep was a nightmare, nursing was excruciating for two months, and I was so damn scared of absolutely everything. I put way too much pressure on myself to breastfeed exclusively, and I 100% identify with the “I didn’t feel like myself until after weaning” camp. Everything about my life and marriage and job and motherhood experience got better after that. 

So this time, I will give breastfeeding a try but stay way more open to the possibility of bottle feeding. I will have the name and number of a counselor who took me through the last dark stretch. My spouse knows what to watch for. I’m a little less worried, but PPA/PPD is still on my mind. I do feel better equipped to deal with it if it shows up again. 

All of that being said, if I hadn’t reconnected with that initial feeling of wanting a second kid, I never would have considered having one. There’s nothing at all wrong with just having one. You’re doing no one a disservice if that’s what’s best for you and your family!

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