Post # 1
Just for fun! If you got engaged after dating for less than two years, did you encounter any wedding planning issues related to being together for a relatively short time?
My fiance proposed to me after we had been officially dating just over a year (around the 14-month mark). His eldest sister initially expressed some concerns that we were being reckless by not dating a bit longer first, but she let it go and got on board with things after a couple weeks, and we haven’t had any other negative reactions to getting engaged after that length of time (that we know of, anyway).
But as I’ve gotten into wedding planning, I’ve realized that I still don’t know his family very well, and our families barely know each other.
I know I shouldn’t compare, but my ex and I were together for over 4.5 years, and I spent a lot of time with his close-knit family and got to know their personalities very well during that time. I would have made his sister a bridesmaid in a heartbeat because I was very close with her. My family and his family didn’t spend a lot of time together, but they met a bunch of times and got along well.
In contrast, my family and FH’s family hadn’t met each other yet when we got engaged, so we had a get-together a couple months later so that they could all be introduced. I’ve asked both of his sisters to be bridesmaids, as they’ve been very nice and welcoming to me so far, but I’m also hoping that this will help bring us closer, because it’s been a relatively short time and we’re not at that level yet. I’ve definitely felt kind of awkward discussing wedding stuff with FH’s sisters and mom, because I’m still learning their tastes and personalities. No one has gotten upset and there have been no arguments so far, so maybe this issue is all in my head! We’re coming up on the 1-year anniversary of the proposal, and definitely over the past six months I’ve started to feel more comfortable with my fiance’s family. It was just kind of awkward at first to be having wedding discussions with these people whom I had known barely over a year.
So has anyone else felt that being together a shorter time has impacted their wedding planning in some way? I’m curious to hear!
Post # 2
We got engaged at around 15 months, and married a few months after that (semi elopment/destination wedding in Vegas. Our families met each other for the first time at the wedding. I had to repeat that I wasn’t pregnant a lot in the three months between our initial engagement and wedding. For us though that was more because we got married so quickly after engagement, not that we got engaged quickly. But we were a little older when we started dating and both wanted to have kids.
ETA: I guess that doesn’t answer your question because our wedding planning was minimal.
Post # 3
- Wedding: November 2019 - City, State
We got engaged in under a year, and I haven’t run into anything because we got engaged relatively quickly. We also spent a lot of time with his parents (we have dinner with them once a week most of the time), and my FH had met my parents as well even though they live out of state. Honestly everyone has been really supportive and we haven’t had a single weird thing/issue aside from just general wedding planning stress that’s unavoidable.
My counselor always says “why are you worrying about a problem that doesn’t currently exist?” If there’s no problem, don’t worry about it! =)
Post # 4
We got engaged on our one-year anniversary 🙂 No one has even questioned anything! Both of us were ready, and we haven’t had any issues so far!
Post # 5
met each other and started dating the following month. we got engaged at the 2 year mark and married 7 months later. we will be celebrating our 5 year anniversary next month.
we had no wedding planning issues and haven’t had any other issue pop up since then. well i shouldn’t say no issues, but nothing that we couldn’t discuss and work out something that we could both be happy with.
Post # 6
We got engaged around the 15-month mark. It was definitely the right time for us, but I can relate to what you’re saying about the family stuff. Dh’s family lives in another country and I’d only met them one time before we got engaged, which I think was a bit hard for them. I basically didn’t interact with them at all during the wedding planning phase – which was, tbh, fraught with tension due to cultural/religious issues – everything was filtered through dh, which was probably for the best!
Ultimately what matters most is that you and your fi are in a good place and both ready to take this step, which it sounds like you are. People are always gonna have an opinion but as long as you know in your gut that you’re doing what’s right for your relationship, they can suck it!
Post # 7
Nope! But we’re a little older (fiance 32, me 26). Got engaged right around the year mark (a little after). Although we did have a longer engagement (Jan 2017-Sept 2018). I’m not super close to my FI’s family but I don’t think the amount of time we were together really played into that at all.
Post # 8
we got engaged after a little over a year and a half, had a four month engagement and got married on our two year dating anniversary.
No one had any issue with this, everyone was super excited for us. We are 30, so maybe if we were in our early twenties and only dating this long it would have been different.
Post # 9
We got engaged after 20 months together, and yes we did run into planning issues.
But they (mostly) had nothing to do with us or our dynamic, and were the result of my Mother-In-Law becoming controlling and manipulative. Dh had warned me, but I had never seen the behavior for myself until we started trying to plan, so I was caught off guard.
Once I got a handle on what she was doing and how Dh and I could present a united front, all that drama died down.
I don’t think it would have been helped if we had been together longer before getting engaged though. MIL’s behavior wasn’t ever going to go OTT like that until we got engaged and planning commenced, whether that was at 18 months in or 6 years in.
It can be hard to plan a wedding WHILE getting to know people’s personalities. But so long as communication stays open between you and your Fi, and you don’t turn against each other, you’ll be fine.
Post # 10
We got engaged after not quite 18 mos of dating. The only thing I’ve learned so far: My fiance is not a fan of his middle name! He was ADAMANT that our middle names not go on our invites!!
Post # 11
I guess I should have worded my question differently to include “time leading up to the wedding,” and not just specifically “planning,” per se. I’ve heard of situations like yours where both families didn’t meet until the wedding day and everything worked out fine. My fiance didn’t want to chance it with our families though, lol.
“why are you worrying about a problem that doesn’t currently exist?” Haha, this is true!
I understand.. I’ve dated people from other countries/cultures before, and if any of those relationships had ever led to marriage, it probably would have been a situation similar to yours, where I’d just let my partner handle their family stuff. A lot of people emphasize the “family aspect” of weddings — how you’re joining each others’ families or two families are coming together, that sort of thing. And until more recently, it made me sort of uncomfortable because I was thinking, ‘um, I barely know these people…’
Wow, your Mother-In-Law sounds HORRIBLE! I’m so sorry you had to deal with that! But at least you and your husband were on the same page with how to deal with the situation. This is why I’m glad that FH’s family doesn’t have strong opinions about our wedding and they’re basically staying out of it unless asked for input.
Omg, I really want to know what his middle name is now! 😂 (You don’t have to tell and compromise your privacy though.)
Post # 12
We got engaged in 8 months. Married a month and a half later.
We had no issues.
Post # 13
Reading your post and then reading people’s comments it makes me realize that people are gonna judge no matter what. People will always have questions that are slightly to personal but you better believe they’ll ask anyways. It’s been two years now. I feel like that’s been plenty of time to get to know them depending on how often you guys spend time together. If they’re local maybe try to get invovled with doing non-wedding stuff with them including your Fiance when possible. Ex: go boating, have family dinner, go over when your future nieces/nephews are there, text FI’s mom and ask her how her day is… of course all this depends on how close he is with his family. But if you’re uncomfortable try going to community events with everyone. Remember, they are just as excited & nervous about adding you to their family!(:
Post # 14
We got engaged after just over a year together, and I don’t think it impacted our planning/pre-wedding phase much. We don’t live close to our families and we basically only see them on holidays a few times a year, so I don’t think spending 3 Christmases vs 1 or 2 together would have made a considerable difference in feeling close to them.
Neither of our families was particularly involved with wedding planning, either, so there wasn’t really any drama or personality issues. We didn’t consult our families much on our decisions other than making sure the date worked for them and running the seating chart by Mother-In-Law to make sure I’d grouped his family members well. I’m also lucky that Mother-In-Law is lovely and was always very welcoming to me.
We had both met each other’s families by the time we got engaged, but our families didn’t meet until our wedding since they live quite far apart. Honestly since they likely won’t ever live close, it wasn’t a concern that our families get along beyond being civil.
Post # 15
We got engaged at 11 months, but we decided we were getting married 3 months in (24/25 yrs old) and immediately started pre-marital counseling with my high school youth minister. He is now our officiant. We were done with counseling well before we were engaged 😀 We are getting married close to our “2 year anniversary.”
The overwhelming majority of our relationship has been marriage oriented. 5 months after we decided we wanted to get married, I changed jobs and moved to his state (we were LDR). Changed jobs again 11 months after that to be in the same town and moved in with him.
My mom (bless her heart) asked if we were pregnant when I told her we were planning to get married. Fiance snuck into Texas for a weekend (I was living in a different state and I thought he spent the weekend skiing) to talk to my dad a couple weeks after I told my parents I was going to marry him. He is just the coolest guy 🙂
Started off a little bumpy with my parents, since we did it all “out of order”, but everyone who has been a part of our relationship knows that we are doing what we can to prepare a future together. Everyone has been overwhelmingly supportive.