(Closed) If you hate your bridesmaids…

posted 5 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
Member
8446 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2013

@laughs:  I’m a bride and I often wonder why other brides choose the girls that they do.  My girls have been nothing but awesome, so I guess I just can’t relate.  I did get to choose who I wanted though, I think there are some brides that get forced into choosing certain people (i.e. Future Sister-In-Law, cousins, sisters, etc).

Post # 5
Member
8446 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2013

@laughs:  Hmm I don’t watch that show (I’m old and unhip lol), but happy friday!!

Post # 6
Member
4803 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I cannot even count how many times I’ve thought the same exact thing! If someone is always selfish or difficult or a drama queen or whatever…they’re not going to change just because you’re planning your wedding. Personally, I wouldn’t even keep someone like that as a friend. And my wedding is over – I still don’t get it (and no, that isn’t because I had perfect BMs!)

Post # 7
Member
7211 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2015

@laughs:  Honestly, I thought this too until last week when one of the other BMs for my friends wedding decided to be dramatic & drop out. In retrospect, yes, it’s not terribly “surprising” she did that because she does have a tendency to make everything about her, but I never thought (and I’m sure the bride never thought) she’d do it NOW of all times. She’s not crazy or constantly dramatic. It honestly makes me very nervous for when it’s my turn. I think I’ll only have 3 BMs (+ my favorite cousin as officiant). They all are wonderful people who don’t know each other that well. Who knows if they’ll have conflict planning parties… probably not but I’m no longer banking on it. 

Post # 8
Member
8471 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2012

I don’t get it either.  I think people are better off keeping it small (like I did) with the people they truly know will not give you a hard time rather than having this huge bridal party.

Post # 9
Member
837 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

I feel the same way as the OP. I find it hard to read because I think so many brides have no patience for their friends because they have decided it’s all about them.

My Bridal Party (6 bridesmaids) has been amazing, and yes, there are sometimes things that one or two of them will do that will make me shake my head, but their quirks are part of why they are my friends.

It’s hard with the stress of wedding planning, but you HAVE to try to remember that your Bridal Party still have their own things and their own lives going on.

Post # 10
Member
36 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: July 2014

I think the stress of wedding stuff puts a huge spotlight on who someone is under pressure. It can bring out the worst in people. Like that friend who you always knew was a little selfish now becomes awful. Either that, or you always knew they were like that but it never bothered you until you became a bride amd the stakes got higher.

Post # 11
Member
7311 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2011 - Bed & Breakfast

There are plenty of brides who make it through the process, and love and appreciate their maids even more after the wedding than they did before. If you choose wisely and have realistic expectations, you are far more likely to have a pleasant experience.

Post # 12
Member
3194 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

i think what happens is brides are friends with these girls, they’re together all the time, they love them, they’re all interested in each others’ lives and they’re for each other like sisters, and then when they get engaged, its exciting, she picks her girls, they say yes so excited….and it’s downhill from there.

girls get jealous of all the fun the engaged girl gets to have, the shopping she gets to do, how absorbed she has to be in her own life for a bit (especially if she’s planning a large wedding by herself), maybe they don’t have boyfriends or are stuck waiting while their friend moves on and gets married…a lot of girlfriends react strangely to weddings and marriages, just because they don’t understand where the bride is in her life. i think its normal.

Post # 13
Member
2553 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

I think one mistake people make is picking their BMs right when they get engaged (15 months away from the wedding) which gives the friendship lots of time to change or possibly grow apart.

Post # 14
Member
3194 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

also, i have the whole range of maids – awesome, middle-of-the-road, and cranky/jealous. its just a transition period and i think each girl is reacting to it differently. i’ve just made it a point to be understanding a chill, and not place too much burden on the ones who don’t want to be so involved. 🙂

Post # 15
Member
3586 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 2000

@laughs:  The posts about “how do I ask in a cute way friends to be bridesmaids” make me cringe because I think based on the posts on WB, brides should be negotiating a contract with each expectation in writing to clearly communicate what “being a bridesmaid” means to her.

 

 

 

Forgetabout cutesy  “will you be my bridesmaid?” invitations (which make me gag, anyway) and just focus on clear communication about the upcoming series of minefields in these social expectations.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

All of these expectations and potential hurt feelings expressed in the I HAte My Bridesmaids threads make me wonder why rational people continue to select a gaggle of girls for the duty, it just makes thing so complex.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Post # 16
Member
4464 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: February 2012

I feel badly for women who sometimes feel a lot of pressure to include family members that they aren’t close with, or future in laws for the sake of their future relationships with their fiance’s family. It’s easy enough to say that a bride should put her foot down, but there have been plenty of scenarios on here where a bride really wants her sister to be her bridesmaid, but if she has her she has to have her fiance’s sister too, and it would mean so much to him even though his sister treats the bride horribly… Or something to that tune, that’s just an example.  

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