(Closed) If you hate your bridesmaids…

posted 8 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 17
Member
881 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

@laughs:  For me, choosing my bridesmaids was all about obligation.  My sister, who is less than helpful and his sister (who I barely know and, while I don’t dislike, wouldn’t see see us becomign friends otherwise) are a requirement.  Then, the BFF from childhood who will practically slit her wrists if she isn’t in the party.  Then, I actually was able to include my best friend and I added another close friend to round it out and match FI’s 5 men.  IT’s not as simple as just picking the girls you know will be the best.  There are alot of expectations and pressure to put certain people in the party.  I imagine that is the position many girls are in.

Post # 18
Member
609 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@laughs:  

 You don’t always know how people are going to react to things, even your closest friends. I hope you don’t experience this if you ever get engaged but I woiuldn’t always put the blame on the bride, some things are out of your control. 

Post # 19
Member
2779 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

I get annoyed at my girls every now and then, no different then if I wasn’t planning a wedding. I try not to bore them with wedding stuff and only ask what absolutely needs to be asked like to go find a dress for it. So I’m not usually getting annoyed at them over wedding related things, just everyday things like bailing on plans or bitching about work non-stop. 

Post # 20
Member
11231 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

Yeah, I don’t get why people think that their friends will change because it’s a wedding. Weddings make people WORSE and CRAZY.

My girls have been awesome, though, so whatever. 

Post # 21
Member
4765 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

I am always baffled by some of the posts, unless it’s an obligatory Sis or SIL Bridesmaid or Best Man, I mean I find it very hard that your bff will out of the blue will make a complete turn around and be a huge bitch.  She was prob a bitch before you asked her to be a Bridesmaid or Best Man.

Post # 22
Member
652 posts
Busy bee

@laughs:  I know!!! It’s like, why do you want to make yourself miserable??

Post # 23
Member
7308 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2011 - Bed & Breakfast

View original reply
@MrsM914:  I guess I just don’t understand this sense of obligation to make people your bridal party. Do the sisters have to be guests in order to matintain an appropriate level of respect for your respective families? Yes. But do they have to be bridal party? No. It is your money funding the wedding decisions, so put your foot down. Set boundaries with your families and others now. Those boundaries are good for your marriage. They will give you the emotional space you need to make your marriage the best that it can be. Otherwise you are giving other people your full permission to emotionally manipulate you into doing what they want you to do. Don’t give them that power over you.

 

Post # 24
Member
3942 posts
Honey bee

I think a lot of brides have this vision in their heads of their bridesmaids all shopping together, reading bridal magazines, going to appointments, assembling invites, etc. In reality, for most brides that is not the case and they feel let down.

The other issue like PP’s mentioned is that they feel forced or obligated to pick certain people. Personally, my mom begged for my sister to be a bridesmaid. We have some deep rooted issues and I wasnt planning to have her be more than a guest. But as a bride you sometimes need to pick your battles, and that was one battle I didnt want to fight. So she was a bridesmaid and it was fine. I knew what to expect with her and there werent any surprises.

Post # 25
Member
203 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

I’m having difficulty with one of my closest friends from high school who is a Bridesmaid or Best Man in my wedding! We are having a nice, garden/tent wedding at my grandmother’s home in our hometown. Nothing redic, nothing dramatic, very easy-peeasy.

 

However, this very close friend has fought me tooth and nail nearly every step of the way and I cannot figure out why! Everything from being mad that she was not the Maid/Matron of Honor, to not agreeing with my design esthetic, claiming I was “outrageous” and “ridiculous” for considering a reception dress (which for augments sake was merely a $100 JCP dress) fighting with my Fiance over plans for my 30th birthday back in March, to even insisting that my event coordinator was a weirdo and she didn’t like being around him.  

 

Honestly, I feel like I’m in the twilight zone when it comes to her lately! All I can come up with is that weddings do some really weird things to people! o.O

Post # 26
Member
7643 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2012

I think it comes down to brides expecting too much from their bridesmaids too. I had my best friends in the wedding (and SIL and she gave me trouble but DH wanted me to ask her so I couldn’t avoid that one) and I didn’t expect them to do anything. Had I expected them to show up at MY fittings, help with DIY porjects, and plan parties I probably wouldn’t have had bridesmaids for very long, lol.

 

Post # 27
Member
1109 posts
Bumble bee

I’m having problems with my BMs, but we we’re actually pretty close before I asked them. After I asked them they have been so different. So it’s not always black and white. 

I don’t expect anything from them. They don’t give me a chance to ask them for anything, so If I had known they we’re going to be bridesmaidzillas, I wouldn’t have asked.

Post # 28
Member
581 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

View original reply
@Girasole:  +1

And sometimes the drama is out of everyone’s control… I asked 4 friends whom I’ve known for 6, 10, and 17 years to be BMs, my Maid/Matron of Honor was offered a job out of the country on a contract basis and so had to back out, another Bridesmaid or Best Man (who tragically lost a child) was upset that I hadn’t asked her to be Maid/Matron of Honor (because I wanted to not put any pressure on her because of the tragedy, but still wanted to include her). Two of the BM’s that had been friends started feuding. One that has been telling me for years about how the fun awesome things she’ll do as a Bridesmaid or Best Man for me keeps telling about the stuff she “would do” but isn’t going to. One turns down every Bridesmaid or Best Man dress I or anyone else suggest or says, “It’s not my favorite, but if ‘going to the prom’ is the look you’re going for, it’s fine.” One keeps telling me that the details of my wedding don’t matter, I’ll look back and they just won’t matter. (I know, but damn I spent of 50 hours glueing faux flowers to statues for your wedding, and punching hearts and glueing pennies to them, etc… and the details were important for your wedding… and I’m just saying find a DRESS to wear.) I waited 6 months after we got engaged and 9 months before the wedding to ask anyone, and STILL.

I think brides do their best to honor friendships with their Bridesmaid or Best Man choices but life happens and it is stressful. You don’t want to hurt your friends, but darn it, a dress decision has to be made, because jeans or nudity just isn’t an option. 🙂

What I have found a relief is that the one friend that I thought would be stressful has been SO wonderful and stress relieving… Even though I don’t have an Maid/Matron of Honor (because I didn’t want to rank my friends after the first one bowed out) she’s totally taken on the role of comforter and friend when I feel like I can’t do anything right with the girls.

Post # 29
Member
16 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: May 2013

@laughs:  I completely agree! I LOVE every single one of the lovely ladies I chose to stand up with me. The only things I really asked of them was to purchase their dresses and be present on the day of the rehearsal and wedding day. I think some brides just expect way to much from their bridesmaides.

Post # 30
Member
1109 posts
Bumble bee

View original reply
@Americano:  lol thank you for that 🙂 I would rather have my friends than angry bridesmaids, but even trying to remain neutral has obviously not stopped the drama of the maids. lol. I just wont rely on them for anything except showing up on the day. That would make me happy, just show up aNd I won’t even have to ask you for anything. 

Post # 31
Member
8683 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2013

I have 6 bridesmaids and NO issues. Then again, I never bother them or ask them for anything. They picked their dresses and ordered them and that was that. My bachelorette to Jamaica is booked and my bridal shower is being planned. I know they dont care about my wedding as much as me so I dont make it the topic of most conversations. I don’t get all the problems and would never let someone “stress” me whether it was my sister, Future Sister-In-Law, or a lifelong best friend!

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