(Closed) If you invited your boss… how’d you get the address?

posted 6 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
3266 posts
Sugar bee

Just ask.  If (s)he pushes you off, then I wouldn’t invite them.  Or just hand deliver it to the office if you are dead set on it.

Post # 4
Member
10288 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2011

@eagle:  I had the same concerns. It seemed so awkward so I ended up just googling her. I had to ask my coworker (who’s friendly with our boss) what her husbands name was to narrow down the results but finding it was easy enough. However, it was kind of awkward when our boss asked my coworker how I got her address and my coworker told her google. Seems stalkerish.

Post # 5
Member
11351 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2009

I invited my SVP and CEO, and I asked each of their executive assistants (whom I also invited) for their respective boss’s address.

Post # 7
Member
2657 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

I just asked him directly. He wrote his address down on a piece of paper. It was easy.

Though because I work at a pharmacy, I know at least 2-3 of my coworkers wont even be able to make it to the ceremony. Reception yes, but our pharmacy is open at the time of my ceremony. Sucks but what can you do. Corporate wont let us close the place just for my wedding. lol

Post # 8
Member
56 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

I asked and specifically said it was for wedding invitations. I also asked her husband’s name so  I could write his name in.

Post # 11
Member
2825 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

I just hand delivered it… Although I had his address from paychecks (and google lol), I see him 5 days a week, it seemed silly to mail it when I could just hand it to him.

Post # 13
Member
11351 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2009

@eagle:  I asked the EAs for their bosses’ home addresses, and the EAs gave them to me.  I also needed to ask for the EAs’ home addresses, so it wasn’t really awkward at all. 

Post # 15
Member
1697 posts
Bumble bee

Do not deliver the invitation at work, if you can avoid it. Not because it would be “horrible”, but because it would be unprofessional. Instead, start by asking his secretary for his address. If he is a member of a registered profession (for example, an engineer, geologist, geophysicist, lawyer, certified or chartered accountant or doctor) check his professional associations public member register and see whether he has listed his private address there — many members do. If you have to resort to delivering it at work, consider (if you have intraoffice mail delivery) putting it in one of those reusable brown manila intra-office envelopes and mark that delivery slot “confidential”. Failing that, you can give it to the secretary as you suggest, but if you aren’t inviting her as well that does increase the inherent awkwardness of doing social things at the office.

Actually, etiquette and professionalism are in agreement that one should place appropriate boundaries between one’s social life and one’s business life. Blurring those boundaries creates awkwardness in and of itself. There was a time (say, when I was a girl) when women were expected to be ashamed of working, and tried to camoflage the ugly fact of employment with social niceties. Thank God, that nonsense passed away with the twentieth century. Having business relationships is nowadays perfectly respectable. Have business lunches with them, go to business conventions, participate in off-site team-building events (as long as they don’t intrude outside of business hours). But don’t confuse professional relationships with friendship.

I am not saying that the same person canot be both colleague and friend; nor that you cannot meet someone at work who becomes a friend. But ask yourself whether someone can be considered a friend if you do not even know their address and don’t feel comfortable asking for it. Ask yourself also, whether a social invitation to someone above you in your reporting hierarchy might be seen at your work as brown-nosing; and whether introducing a business-colleague into your social set might be seen by your friends and family as lowering the tone of your wedding.

Post # 16
Member
9824 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

Ok well, I think some are looking a tad too much into this question. If it were me I would deliver it discreetly at work via secretary or ask her to provide the address. If boss declines so be it, but it’s nice to ask and many people do so as a courtesy.

 

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