if you knew your partner's proposal plans…

posted 2 months ago in Engagement
Post # 2
5005 posts
Bee Keeper

I think surprises are overrated and I’m not a big fan of postponing joy just to artificially orchestrate a “perfect moment” or surprise.  Life is short and unpredictable enough.  You’re the exact same amount of engaged whether it was a surprise or not – there’s no extra special bonus engaged points at stake here.  I honestly can’t envision being less in love or less moved by my SO declaring his love and asking me to be his wife just because it wasn’t a surprise.  I just don’t think a surprise is all that important in the grand scheme of life as long as something is heartfelt and sincere.  I’m a big fan of heartfelt and sincere.

Post # 3
1194 posts
Bumble bee

If you know it’s coming anyway, does it matter whether you’re “surprised” when he does it?  I mean, I think “surprise” is kind of the wrong word here.

I say go and enjoy the time with just the two of you.  You’ve basically agreed to get married anyway, so make it a special date where you celebrate that.

Post # 4
1560 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: Shreveport, LA

Basically since you already know that he plans to propose it kinda takes the surprise out of the moment anyways at this point 🤷🏼‍♀️ I say just go along as planned and enjoy the alone time and the moment together! Congrats on your upcoming engagement and come back so we can see the ring!

Post # 5
388 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2021 - Australia

you know, this is an interesting one because my fiance’s original plan was put off due to covid. He still won’t tell me what it is because he still wants to enact it – maybe for an anniversary or something.

Thing is, if he does, or if he tells me, will that make it hurt more than I didn’t get that for my proposal? we had a beautiful, thoughtful and intimate proposal at home which I loved, but when/if we do whatever his big grand gesture is, will I think, oh, I wish THIS had been our story, not what we had?

We also weren’t sure whether to wait until he could do the original plan, or not. Obviously he didn’t want to wait, and I kind of didn’t either. I felt so bad for him, having to put something else together.

So I know what a lot of these feelings you might be having are and all the thoughts that might run through your head and I don’t know what the answer is, but the moment will be happy and special irrespective of whether you know it is coming or not. The end result is you’ve both committed to spending your lives together, which is after all the important bit.

Post # 6
510 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2020 - New York, New York

I was 99.9% sure the engagement was coming because Joey was acting weird and nervous and we were on vacation; he had mentioned that he wanted to propose somewhere different from where we live. Sure enough, he proposed when we were walking on the beach! Even though I strongly suspected he was going to propose, it was still a very emotional moment. I was blissfully happy days after the proposal, so I don’t think knowing ahead of time will make it any less exciting or joyful for you. 

Post # 8
372 posts
Helper bee

I was 99% sure when and how I would be proposed to. Didn’t stop me from bursting into happy tears when it happened! The surprise (at least for me) isn’t the how or where he does it–it’s seeing your partner down on one knee and having that “holy crap, this is it” moment. Congratulations on your upcoming engagement!

Post # 9
127 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: March 2020 - SF, CA

View original reply
@bluebonnetbee:  100% I would rather he propose as planned. I am not a person who cares about the spectacle and story. I told my husband straight up, “I don’t care how you do it, I just want to be engaged to you.”

Post # 10
696 posts
Busy bee

I knew where, when, and picked out the ring. It made it no less special. Having the man you love get down on one knee and tell you his feelings and then propose marriage is special no matter what <3 

Post # 11
1007 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2019

Once you’ve talked about marriage and know he is going to propose it’s not really a surprise even if you are not quite sure the moment he is going to ask. You are on high alert so anywhere nice or special or secretive he asks you to do you have a feeling about and will know. 

I knew H had the ring and when he asked if I wanted to go to my favorite place later in the week I was 99.9 % sure he would ask. And he did and it was magical. 

If he changes plans you’ll still know unless he asks at home or in the grocery store or somewhere you would never expect. 

Post # 12
881 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2016

I think since you know about the proposal and knew about the plan it doesn’t really matter when or how it happens, might as well do it at the same place originally planned … especially if that place is a yearly destination and has significance to you and the family! 

Post # 14
131 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: February 2021

Agree with the PPs- once you know things are in motion and are going to happen, the surprise is out the window. It’s always going to be on your radar, wondering “is this the day?” and reading into things he says and wants to do. Just relax and enjoy the time you have together regardless if it happens. 

Post # 15
1708 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: City, State

I suspected a proposal was coming on a trip my fiancé and I took, and he still managed to surprise me, even though I was anticipating it. It didn’t even come close to ruining the moment to know it was coming. It was perfect. 

I’ll bet your SO has a plan in mind, so I wouldn’t make him plan again. He has a vision for this, too. 😊

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