if you knew your partner's proposal plans…

posted 2 months ago in Engagement
Post # 16
29 posts

I chose my engagement ring so I knew it was happening ‘soon’, but still liked that the when and where was a surprise. I actually found out the first plan accidentally and wanted to let him know I knew, so he scrapped that and planned something else. I’m kind of glad I found out the first plan: it was in a museum and I told him that would’ve made me feel awkward as it was too public. But yes loved the surprise element as for me that’s what made our proposal story so special!

Post # 19
2162 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2020

I think it’s sweet he wants to “surprise” you. It sounds like you both are on the same page, so why not? 🙂

Post # 21
388 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2021 - Australia

View original reply
@bluebonnetbee:  I’m sorry – it’s disappointing, even if you know it is going to happen at some point!

If it gives you comfort that others have felt the same, before he asked, my fiance was really down one night and told me we would have been engaged already if not for covid.

Like you, it made me really excited at first, to know he planned to ask, and then REALLY disappointed that something I’d been waiting for so long wasn’t going to happen for who knew how long, due to a stupid global pandemic. It felt very unfair, and we both had a lot of feelings about the whole thing (let’s just put aside the very first-world nature of that – we knew at the time that there were very much worse things happening out there in the world, but that doesn’t negate the disappointment going on in your own very small corner of the world).

He ended up asking a few weeks later and it was so intimate and lovely, but definitely not what either of us had anticipated or planned, and neither of us will ever know whether I would have liked his original plan better. Things are what they are, and we’re still engaged!

To share another story, in the second world war, my grandmother and grandfather were engaged and planning on getting married in a month or two. She’d ordered her dress, it was being made, all good to go. Until he got called up and had literally a day or maybe 2 before being shipped off somewhere. Obviously she couldn’t wear her dress. They had to do a marriage by declaration, which is basically where both people claim they are married in front of a witness, and therefore are considered such – it used to be legal in Scotland, but no longer is, I’m pretty sure.

ANYWAY what I’m getting at is that I imagine it would be SO disappointing to have planned your big day, what you’d wear etc, only to have to wear your normal Sunday coat and do things in a big rush, and not even get a honeymoon since your partner was leaving the country and might not ever come back.

It made me wonder how she felt – she never really mentioned it, never complained about it, and my mum basically asked her to plan her wedding 25 years later, since she didn’t know anything about planning a wedding and didn’t care as long as she was married at the end.

Was my grandmother jealous that my mum could choose whatever dress she wanted, whatever flowers, venue, so on, and yet just did not care? Was she resentful that her daughter was being given all the options she didn’t have for herself, and didn’t really appreciate the luxury of that? Maybe she felt the opposite and was secretly pleased to get to plan a wedding that would actually happen, since hers didn’t.

These kinds of situations happen and just become our stories. Life can’t always be an Instagram story, but it can still be good. I say to just feel whatever you feel right now since you know that when it does happen, it will still be a joyful, special time.


Post # 23
57 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: November 2020

I agree with the above commenter that mentioned it not being about the proposal, it’s about being engaged to that person.

I think proposals are stressful. There’s so much pressure for the guys to get everything perfect and amazing and wonderful, and so much of that is unrealistic. I told my fiance from the get go that I didn’t want an elaborate proposal or a spectacle. I was aware of the ring and knew it was coming and ultimately, he proposed in the comfort of our own home and I would take that proposal a million times over.

I think it’s a matter of what your priorities are. Do you want/need the spectacle or do just want to be engaged to this person no matter how the engagement goes? It doesn’t need to be a surprise.

Post # 26
4048 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 2019 - Canada

View original reply
@bluebonnetbee:  Beautiful ring OP!! DH had his heart set on a surprise too but I really wanted it to be a joint decision & have some say in the ring. We ended up choosing the ring together and he purchased it while I was with him at the store. Then the rest was a surprise. I ended up figuring out his plan (he didnt know I was onto him haha) but he proposed 6 weeks after picking up the ring on my birthday. I hope you dont have to wait too long for your surprise! 

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