(Closed) If you knew you’re best friend was with the wrong person would you tell them?

posted 6 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
7431 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2009

I would talk to him and tell him YOU are worried about him marrying her over obligation. You guys have been friends forever, I doubt he woudl be less than honest with you. Just have a very frank discussion with him, tell him your feelings and worries, but leave his family out of it. Hopefully he will then talk with his family after his talk with you, and they can then tell him that they agree.

The only reason i say it that way is because he might feel like his family asked you to talk to him, not that this is where you are coming from as well.

Post # 4
2416 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

It will NEVER end well when you tell a close friend that they shouldn’t be with the person they are with. Honestly. It won’t. It’s something you need to suck up and let them figure out on their own, IMO. Unless the other person is cheating, etc., there isn’t much you can say.

Post # 5
2316 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2013 - Old Stone House in Brookyn

In response to the title question: ONLY if there is a serious problem (their SO is abusive, cheating, drug problem, etc.)

Do you want to be with him? That is a totally different issue than whether or not his gf is “right” for him.

Post # 6
6998 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 2011

I’ve kind of learned from experience that people are going to do what they want to do. My sister has been in an unhappy relationship for 3 years and no matter how much i support her or try and persuade her to leave she won’t until she is ready. The difference between these two is that my sister constantly calls and vents about her issues in her relationship – it’s no secret she isn’t happy.

I think you should tell him how YOU feel and let the family speak for themselves. It doesnt hurt to tell him what you think but don’t expect him to make the moves to change it. I started out sympathizing with my sister and trying to make her feel better about her situation and to find happiness in it but its gotten to the point where i have to be blunt about it and tell her whats up and she STILL doesnt make any changes.

i may be completely wrong here but I get the feeling that you kind of like him? if he were to leave this relationship do you have intentions of starting something with him?


Post # 8
335 posts
Helper bee

I think my general philosophy is, who am I to say my friend is with the wrong person? You can never really know someone’s relationship from the outside. Now, it would be different if I felt my friend was deeply unhappy, and/or their SO was treating them very badly.

From my read of this situation, it doesn’t sound like there’s anything like this here. Maybe he’s a little “eh” about her, like the spark isn’t quite there as much, but it’s been 9 years! ALL relationships are bound to move to the “comfortable” stage by that point.

Post # 10
1670 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

I would only intervene in the case of abuse or another threatening situation, and even then I’d know it’d be unlikely to be well recieved.

I agree with previous posters saying that you need to let his family speak for themselves, and only speak if you personally feel the need. As close friends, you might be able to do it in a way that wouldn’t cause too much trouble. The family honestly shouldn’t be trying to get you to fix this situation. If they have serious concerns about the girl or the relationship, they should address them.

It also seems like you have an actual dog in this fight, as in you’d like to be with him. If that’s the case, and you still want to talk to him about this, you may as well come clean about that as well – because that could be influencing your perception of his current relationship.

Post # 11
6998 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 2011

@pec1216:  That makes sense. i was going to say life is too short and if you like him tell him! haha

Post # 12
9029 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

If he asks your opinion of the girl you can be honest and tactfully mention certain concerns but I dont think you can just come out and say you dont think she is right for him.. he will only get defensive and push you away unless you have some very concrete reason

Post # 13
2104 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

He’s been with the girl for 9 years…I think he can make the decision of whether or not she’s right for him. I would butt out.

Post # 14
3943 posts
Honey bee

You should stay out of it. Be there if he wants to talk, but stop butting in his relationship.

My best friend did this a few years ago, and her and I haven’t spoken since.

Post # 15
5977 posts
Bee Keeper

I don’t think you should get involved in his relationship. It sounds like there are some romantic feelings here on either side, and I think saying something to him will make it seem as if you’re trying to break them up so that you can get together with him. I see all sorts of bad with this. If his family wants to say something to him, let them do it themselves. 

Post # 16
302 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

This never ends well.


I had a really close friend that I loved very much. We met when we were 13 and had been friends for 10 years. Her husband was a jerk who cheated on her every chance he got. I told her what I thought and she hasn’t spoken to me since. That was 4 years ago and I miss her terribly.


I’m not saying that wil be his reaction, but you never know. Plus telling him that his family doesn’t want them to get married, well it makes his family look like they are talking behind his back.

If he tells his gf all these things, she will probably hate you and might even try to get him to cut off communication with you.

I would really just stay out of it if I were you.

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