If you live in the same city as your parents, how often do you see them?

posted 2 years ago in Family
Post # 31
334 posts
Helper bee

Wow your parents are…im sorry to say…crazy. I would literally move to a different state and tell them if they follow you will just move again. 

Post # 32
572 posts
Busy bee

try living in the house behindyour future in laws… when i had 2 weeks off over Christmas I nearly went mad when they would ring our door bell (quite often) . I don’t know how I will cope when I am home with a baby when that time comes. They are retired so always home!! 

Post # 33
6358 posts
Bee Keeper

Omg bee, you are handling this way better than I would!!

we live in the same city as both of our parents, but it’s about 45m drive from either of them. I literally text my mom like once a week, and we see each other once a month or every other month. I think Hs mom texts him a lot more about random stuff and he sees her maybe once a month and we do a group dinner with his brother/sil/ dad once every 2 months, usually birthday/Mother’s Day/Father’s Day. They always want more, but I feel like that’s plenty. They also make 0 effort to come to us, so it’s always us having to drive across th city. They won’t even do dinner half way, it has to be at their house or at a restaurant close to their house. 

Anyways rant over.

i like barbies wording/strategy about 3 wks, pushing back 3 weeks, etc. They will eventually learn to make plans further out. That last min shit doesn’t fly with me

Post # 34
152 posts
Blushing bee

Well i live 10 minutes from my parents and have been moved out about 5 months after living with them for a year and the only time i came over to visit was on the day i had a doctors appointment in november because i had the day off and i spent about 8 hours with them on christmas eve. Occassionally i will run an errand for my mom maybe once a month but we do text about every other day

Post # 35
2463 posts
Buzzing bee

is this their first grandchild? That could be why they decided to move with you. 

We live about an hour away from my ILs and about 40 minutes away from my mother. We are planning on moving closer to our parents in our next house so they can help with kids. 

I definitely think that you need to establish boundaries but I really think it is probably just because they are excited about their grandchild? 

To answer your question my Darling Husband and I see his parents almost every Sunday for family dinner. Sometimes it turns into every other Sunday if we have plans (they don’t get upset about it though) or if they already have plans. 

We see my mom alot less, maybe once every two months? Depends really on what is going on, holidays, etc. I talk to her on the phone probably about once a week though. My mother and I have never been particularly close though, whereas my dh and his family are very close. 

Post # 37
205 posts
Helper bee

I’m super close with my mum, I see her 2-3 times a week, we live in the same city. I see my dad about once a year, at Christmas, he lives out of state.

My FI’s parents we see probably about 2-3 times a week also, we only live a couple of blocks away from them.

Post # 38
2636 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2016

We live in the same city as all of our parents – in fact, all of our immediate families (parents and siblings) live within 20 minutes drive of our house.

We see my mum once a week for dinner and my dad once a week for dinner. I usually talk to my mum 2 or 3 times outside of our usual dinner – either on the phone, via text or via messenger (especially as I’m pregnant and it’s summer where we live; she likes to check in to see how I’m doing in the heat). I rarely talk to my dad outside of our usual dinner unless we’re trying to organise something, although I’ll usually chat on the phone or text my step mum once a week about stuff. We see my Mother-In-Law once a week for dinner and Darling Husband will usually drop in for 10/15 minutes on our way to my dad’s (MIL lives down the road from him). We’re in a family chat with my Mother-In-Law, SILs and their SOs so everyone is in contact pretty much everyday but it’s not a constant barrage or anything. Darling Husband doesn’t really talk to his mum outside of this unless it’s important.

Here’s the thing though – if we have other plans, our parents don’t get shitty at us. It’s more of an open invitation – if we’re free, we go for dinner; if not, it’s not the end of the world. They never make demands of our times and they aren’t always in our business.

Hopefully weaning them off you works. It’s not your problem that they don’t like to plan in advance; it should be easy enough to just always have plans whenever they do invite you somewhere. You could follow that up with “if you’d ask us a week or two ago we definitely could have made it work!” I’d also probably start dropping hints about how busy you’ll be when the baby comes and how you’ll be wanting to get a routine down etc so they shouldn’t expect to see you all the time.

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