Post # 1
What were the expectations and rules that your parents had for you? Did you feel they were fair? Would you do it differently for your own child/children?
(My son just turned 18 and of course, he feels like he is an adult now. I want to lay down guidelines that are fair and mutually agreeable.)
I moved out to go to college right around my 18th birthday and have been independent ever since so I don’t have any experience in this particular area…
Post # 3
I was allowed to stay out as late as I wanted and/or not come home but i always had to call and let my mom know.
Post # 4
@MissPine: At the time, I didn’t feel like they were fair. Now, at 25 years old, I understand. When I was 17 or younger, I had a curfew of about midnight. Once I was 18 and 19, I wanted to stay out longer with my friends.
I remember this one instance where I wanted to stay out until 2 or 3 am with friends. I don’t really remember the reason why but it was probably for a movie.
My dad was saying “There’s no good reason for you to be out that late. It’s dangerous and you are a young woman.” Plus they would say “While you’re living in our house, you’ll be coming home at a respectable hour so that we don’t have to stay up and worry about you being out late.”
I was furious then. Because my silly 18 year old self thought that I was an adult. And in my mind, that meant I should get to do ANYTHING I wanted, even if I was living in their house. Lol. I was so ridiculous. Thank goodness I grew up.
Anyway, I would not do it differently for my own children. As far as your son goes, I would not give him any free rein or suddenly get rid of the rules that you’ve already had just because he’s turned 18. Make him have a curfew, make him keep doing chores, that kind of thing. However, I do think that he should get a job (if he doesn’t have one already) and start contributing financially to the household. This will teach him about managing money responsibly.
If he can’t get a job, then make him do more household chores than normal. This will teach him to live on his own and do his own laundry.
I moved out when I was 20 to go away to college. I moved back when I was 24 when I graduated from college. I moved back out when I was 25 once I found a “grownup” job. At 24, I was definitely more respectful of my parents and rules. Your son will eventually grow up and realize that 18 does NOT automatically equal being an adult.
Post # 5
@MissPine: I was “not allowed to pretend this is a hotel”. Basically, if I was going to be out late (or not come home) I had to tell my parents so they didn’t worry. I had to keep my room and the guest bath and kitchen clean.
ETA: At the time I didn’t think it was fair that I was responsible for cleaning a common area when I really wasn’t using anything other than my bed and bathroom. Honestly, I would probably be MORE annoying than my parents were! I would say “This is NOT a hotel, it is a family home, so everyone living in it will continue to behave as a family. You are expected to be home for Sunday dinner every week.” in addition to my parents’ rules. 😛
Post # 6
Is your son moving out to go to college in the fall? Is he going to school and living at home to save money? Is he working or planning on working?
Post # 7
@MissPine: I remember tellling my mom that I was 18, and could do as I wanted. The very next day, she presented me with a bill for the cost of living in the house if I wanted to stay. I was expected to pay rent, do chores as my part of the utilites and buy food.
Now, I will say that my parents always expected a call if I was going to be out past 10 pm, and that bill was never enforced because I was in the local community college and they said that I needed to focus on my education. When I did get a job, I helped where I could, but for the most part, my rules and things didn’t change. I was still living under their roof.
Post # 8
I moved back home after college. I was allowed to go out whenever I wanted but I couldn’t stay out past about 1am without a phone call or text. I also had to come home at some point before they woke up, basically. I did lots of chores, helped with my brother and sister, and I ended up caretaking for my Grandmother when she got cancer.
Post # 9
I lived at home- but that meant abiding by any and all rules my dad set, no matter how unfair I thought they were. the way I see it, if your son is such an adult, he can move out and support himself.
Post # 10
I moved out at 18 but my sister and brother lived at my parents after they were 18.
1. Come home before midnight.
2. If your staying somewhere, tell mom and dad so they don’t stay up and worry.
3. Keep the kitchen, bathroom, and your rooms clean.
4. Opposite sex (same sex for my sister) does not stay the night.
Pretty much was@MexiPino: said. Their house is not a hotel so don’t play like it is.
Post # 11
I went to college, but I lived at home during the summer and other vacations. My mom didn’t really lay down any rules, but I wasn’t really the kind of kid that needed rules to behave. I just let her know when I was leaving, where I was going and approximately when I thought I would be back. I moved out officially about 5 months after I graduated college.
My middle sister is 23 and still lives at home. She went to community college so lived at home full time, but sort of stopped going to college part way through. She helps with the finances around the house. I’m not sure what rules my mom has in place for her, but I’m pretty sure she flouts them (i.e. staying out really late and my mom having no idea where she might be–and that’s been going on for years). But that’s the kind of person she is (she’s kind of a tool).
Post # 12
@figgnewton: Oh yeah. It was never even a thought in my head that a boy could spend the night, but I’m sure had I asked I would have been told it was not allowed.
Post # 13
- Wedding: July 2013 - rolling hills of southern italy
I wen to Spain and was independent for a year, then moved back home. The rules were: home by midnight, general chores (sweeping, vacuuming) , cook once a week for everyone, mow lawn every other weekend, wash cars the opposite weekends, babysit (sisters) once a week free, wear underwear that covered my butt, (no thongs) and rent for the makeshift room I threw together in the garage was 250$ a month.
That lasted 2 weeks… Not even.
My Fi still lives at home. He does no housework, he cooks no meals, he leaves his room in the morNing and when he comes back after drinking coffee made and waiting for him by his mom, his bed is already made. He has complete freedom, and I am not really surprised that at 29 he still hasn’t left.
PI think there should be some kind of healthy balance. Freedom = responsibility.
Post # 14
I still live at home. I don’t have many rules, but I tell them where illness out of courtesy. I must either work or go to school to live here though. If I lost my job they’d give me some time to find something, but I could t just stay home. I’m sure if I were a disrespectful slob I’d have worn out my welcome a long time ago.
For my children, I’d be stricter about chores, but living at home has given methe chance to take opportunities I couldn’t have. My parents also don’t want me to move in with FH until we’re married, so that factors into it. They know he’s who I would live with if I moved out.
Post # 15
I just had to let my mom know where I would be going and when I would be home. I did not have a curfew, but if I was later than expected, I had to call and let her know. I had to be respectful that we share a space, and even though I wanted to do whatever I wanted, I had to keep in mind that she would worry about me.
Post # 16
No overnight male guests for me either.when my parents went away, they said FH could sleep in the guest room so I wouldn’t be alone in the house at night, but that was it