(Closed) if you send a save the date, do you have to follow thru with invite? (long)

posted 5 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: Must I invite them after sending the save the date?
    Yes you must. Etiquette and all that. Suck it up! : (37 votes)
    84 %
    Hell no! It's your day. Have there who you want! : (7 votes)
    16 %
  • Post # 3
    634 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: October 2013

    @MissSangria:  People are going to tell you that because you sent them a save the date that you need to invite them.  I’m going to tell you that you can do whatever the heck you want.  It’s your wedding!

    Post # 5
    1696 posts
    Bumble bee

    On behalf of the etiquette police, I am going to tell all brides who have not yet sent out “Save the Date” cards to learn from your misery (and yes, you should invite people that you have promised to invite: following through on your promises is something you learned in kindergarten. Even if you can stand Mrs Post’s being mad at you, you don’t want your kindergarten teacher to think she failed.)

    The etiquette-approved form of “Save the date” is a hand-written personal letter (or individual personal email if you don’t ‘do’ hardcopy) sent to those people only without whose presence you cannot imagine enjoying your wedding, apprising them of your plans. Mass-mailed printed pre-event advance advertising is for the convention industry, not for gracious social plans. But if you do happen to be lured by the appeal of seeing your name paired in print with that of your beloved, and the attractive sale prices offered by Vistaprint, and the magnetic allure of having all that printing done on ferromagnetic stationery — all perfectly understandable: who doesn’t enjoy such things? — then prune your Save-the-date mailing list, and then prune it again. And again. Send Save-the-dates ONLY to those people whose attendance you truly, truly care about. Truly. Only.

    Post # 6
    1519 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: October 2013

    @MissSangria:  There was one STD that I sent that did not get a follow up invite. It’s my step-father’s brother. He and my step-father got into WWIII and there is no way I was going to invite him. Oh well. He lives in another state, never gonna see him anyway!  Honestly, do what your heart tells you. If you haven’t seen them for a year, screw it in my opinion. By The Way, St Augustine is my favorite town in FL (I lived in FL for 12 years). What a gorgeous place to have a wedding!!!

    Post # 7
    12247 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: May 2013

    I would send an invite to be polite, but I don’t see them showing up anyway!

    Post # 8
    32 posts
    • Wedding: September 2013

    You should technically send one, but maybe send it a bit later than the other ones?  Hope that they have other plans or won’t come?

    Post # 9
    10292 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper

    Yes, you need to follow through on the promise of an invitation. The good news is that there is a really good chance they won’t come.  

    @aspasia475:  That is interesting that etiquette frowns on the mass mailed, pre-printed save the date thing for private, social occasions.  I didn’t know that.  A hand written or personal note makes sense and saves money, too!  

    Post # 11
    910 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: June 2013

    I sent out Save the Dates……..

    A few months later I had a major blowout with a friend.  This person is no longer my friend and I DID NOT send him an invite……

    I know the etiquette calls that all guests that get the STD are supposed to get an invite….

    However, in my opinion, things change, people’s true colors come out, etc…….. do not invite someone to your wedding that you do not want there……….


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