(Closed) "If You Send Your Kid to Private School, You Are a Bad Person."

posted 7 years ago in Parenting
  • poll: Is it wrong to send children to private school?

    No way. The premise of this article is flawed/I disagree with the article

    It may be not-so-good for the population as a whole, but it's what's best for my child


    I don't have kids/I homeschool.

  • Post # 92
    7977 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: July 2013 - UK

    View original reply
    @crayfish:  So what’s the deal with religious affiliance? Bees on this thread are saying private schools are for the religious in the US, which confuses me. My observations are that, with the exception of Church of England/Anglicanism, which is often seen as being as much of a patriotic thing here as anything else, and is thus associated with the middle and upper classes, religion is very much a working class thing.

    Therefore, I wouldn’t expect top notch schools to be religious at all, particularly! DH’s private school was Church of England (although he is Catholic) but that’s par for the course in an ancient/historical private school, and means very little in practise. Very few of his friends have any affiliation at all in that regard.

    Post # 93
    2692 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: November 2012

    Where I live, I prefer private although public is not bad but I prefer private.  My older son was in private from 1st through 6th.  He is pretty lackadaisical when it comes to school and failed the 6th grade so he is in 6th again this time in public and will  remain in public until he shows more interest in his studies.  Having him in private is a waste of our money.  This year my dd is in public K but I am hoping for 1st grade we can put her in private along with our 3rd son in private K.  We’ll see how it works out. 

    Post # 94
    315 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: August 2014

    View original reply
    @crayfish:  As a fellow Bay Area resident, on the one hand I agree with you, but then on the other hand, if you send your kid to public school and are able to keep him or her in line and focused, he or she will be guaranteed UC admission, which is nothing to sneeze at. 

    But to be honest I doubt we will stay here long enough to have school aged kids. The cost of living is just absurd and I am not sure it is an environment I would even want to raise kids in, as someone from a much more modest, small town type of background.

    Post # 95
    408 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: October 2012

    I went to private school and by the time I ended up in college I was 100x prepared than my peers who went to public school, and I’m no genuis  so that’s saying something. If we can afford it we will send our children to private school and I don’t think that makes me a bad person. 


    I also don’t like that phrase “bad person” 


    I think psychopaths and serial killers, people who have no morals or empathy are “bad people”


    On the whole though I think most people are good, we just sometimes to bad things. 

    Post # 96
    1001 posts
    Bumble bee

    The idea that private schools are inherently better for the students than public ones totally depends on the school.  Where I grew up, the private schools were all religiously-based, and substituted religious classes for many of the fundamental (basic) education courses that are required in public schools.  As a result, every childhood friend I have who attended the local private schools came out with major reading and/or math deficits.  By comparison, the public school was leaps and bounds ahead (and I didn’t go to an amazing public school – not a terrible one, but not an amazing one).  But that doesn’t meant that there aren’t good private schools out there, that would be more appealing (from an academic standpoint) than public schools.

    I understand what the author of the article was driving at, but their piece needed more facts and less fluff to back up their argument.  I like to see a bit more meat – a bit more research – on a topic before I take someone’s opinion on something seriously.  They may have done their research, but unless I see evidence of it presented in their writing, I’m generally inclined to be very skeptical of anything someone is arguing.

    Post # 97
    434 posts
    Helper bee

    Well clearly the author of the article is just being a jerk. Where I grew up, we had great public schools. Some of the best in the state. Now the entire state is kind of in the shithole education-wise. Around my junior year of high school, my mom said that if the situation was like it was when I was starting kindergarden, she would have put me in private school.

    The article says that we should sacrifice our children’s and grandchildren’s education for the common good. What the hell is that? I do a lot for the common good, but I will NOT sacrifice my children’s education. How about my state government sacrifices their religious morals (that shouldn’t be interfering with politics in the first place) and their greed and fund education? I think that’s a better answer. I would never sacrifice my children’s education when my government is refusing to sacrifice anything for the greater good they are supposed to protect.

    Post # 98
    6039 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: October 2019 - City, State

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    @Ninteenthchance:  I can’t speak for ALL schools but I know for fact that in my area there is a marked difference between the private schools and the public schools. I did a ton of research before choosing my son’s school. I actually went to a public school and a private school growing up. I can honestly say that even the social aspect of the two are completely different, and im saying that from a child’s perspective, not just from a parent’s perspective. The statistics alone were reason enough for me to choose the private school near us. The  number of kids who went on to finish college is 99% at my son’s school. It is much lower at the public schools near us. Also, the programs my son’s school has are just way better than at the public school. There is a greater sense of family and community at the private school in our area as well. I guess my point is that there are so many factors to consider when you are choosing a school for your child, and as with any decision as a parent, it is only up to the parents. We had our list of requirements and the private school won out in the end.

    Post # 99
    1197 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: August 2014

    I went to a great public school (one of the best public school systems in the country), and feel like I got a great education and was in a really nurturing environment.  I went on to a state university and did fine.  my SO’s boss, however, went to Harvard and said that kids from private schools were much more prepared for college there than kids who went to public schools.  so maybe it depends on what you’re striving for? 

    Post # 100
    511 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: August 2015

    I went to public school through the end of 9th grade and then to a code boarding school 10th-12th.  I loved every minute of both places. The public high school where we lived wasn’t very good and I have a feeling I would not have done well academically there. Private school made college a breeze and I never struggled to adapt sociwlly or to living away from home  or do well academically. Some public schools are great and I would not have a problem sending my kids-if I ever have any- to either a good public school or to a good private school.  And the argument of the article is flawed and ridiculous.  

    Post # 101
    348 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: October 2014

    I can offer a different perspective. I’m in my 7th year of teaching for one of the best universities in the U.S.   I have never in all of my years of teaching been able to point to a student and say, “Now that is a public school kid. And that is a private school kid.”  If your child wants to learn, and cares about their education, honestly, there’s no difference in performance.  I don’t think there’s a professor out there, if given a stack of student essays could successfully put them into piles of “public school graduates” or “private school graduates”. Nor do any of us particularly care if you child went to public or private school.  We care about them showing up every day and doing the work. 


    The mistaken impression in this thread that private schools are just magically better because of the cost is flat out wrong. I’ve had students from schools that I would be terrified to step foot into ace my class. I’ve had student from the best private schools that are so profoundly stupid, I often wonder how the hell they’re going to get a job and function in the real world (unless staring vacantly is a job, because I’ve had a few that would nail that). 


    My opinion on this has always been to do what’s best for your individual child based on their needs & passions. Play an active role in your child’s education. Read to them. Read with them. Go to museums. Encourage a love of learning. You can send your kid to the best private school out there, but if they come home and play video games for 16 hours or don’t own a single book, you’re wasting your money.

    Post # 102
    1723 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: March 1998

    Like others are saying, I agree with the general principle of this article – it would be great if we were all invested in a child’s education. But the truth is? We’re not. I spent a few years working as a substitute teacher in both public and private schools. I can say beyond a shadow of a doubt that my days in the private schools were always better.

    They generally had much smaller class sizes – 10 to 20 kids.

    The parents were more involved on a day-to-day basis, the administration and faculty members seemed to know most, if not every child. I recall the principal at one school greeting each child individually by first name and asking them questions about things they had been doing lately one morning.

    Meanwhile, I graduated from a public school that’s sinking, sinking, sinking. I did well in school – I worked hard and took it seriously. I had many classmates who did not – and their parents often did not. I remember angry parents storming into the school to confront teachers who had given their “precious, perfect babies” a deserved bad grade.

    My husband and I live in the same general area. Right now, the high school and junior high school in our city are OK. But I’ll admit there’s a little snootiness going into my decision.

    While we’re by no means affluent, our income is considerably higher than many people around us. There’s a reason that poverty and crime are so closely intertwined. Unfortunately, the poorer you are, the more likely you are to be a person I wouldn’t want to associate with. If I put my child into a school where the majority of his peers are going to be in that category, I’m risking him running into a lot of bad influences.

    I don’t want my kid growing up with the “thug” mentality I encountered in school. I don’t want them around kids who are doing drugs (I knew several in school, along with dealers – and I’m not talking about marijuana), getting drunk and so on.

    If I can afford a better environment – whether or not the curriculum is any better – it’s well worth it to me. I’m not even 10 years out of high school and a significant portion of my graduating class is behind bars, addicted to drugs or dead. Some were beaten to death or shot in gang fights; some died of drug overdoses and so on.

    My kid comes first – over the long-term speculative future posed by Slate. Everybody has to be in. At least with a private school – where parents are paying tuition – there’s a higher likelihood of that.

    I’ll never forget leaving one of the private schools where I was teaching one day. I complimented the Principal on how wonderful his students were. He responded, “Parents who put their money toward a private school are generally the parents who care the most.” It had never dawned on me before – but it was true. He was telling me how involved parents were in all the school organizations, fundraising, etc. It showed in their kids, too.

    As for whether or not I will enroll my child in a private school? Money, and the situation of the schools later on, matters. In this area, the public elementary schools are usually okay. It’s not until junior high that it starts getting awful.

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