Post # 1
The other day a friend of mine said she read something to this effect, and it got me thinking. I agree with the general sentiment that you need to marry someone who values the lifelong commitment far more than the opportunity to have a giant party. But my fiancé would never elope because long ago his mom specifically told her sons that it would break her heart if she didn’t get the opportunity to share in such an important moment in their life. And I love that he would never knowingly hurt her like that. Anyways we did consider having an intimate wedding, but at the end of the day I’m happy we’re having a giant party type, because we’re only doing it once and we’ll never have such a wonderful reason for a giant party again.
So, thoughts, bees?
Post # 3
- Wedding: May 2013 - Pavilion overlooking golf course scenery, reception at banquet hall
When I read the title I agreed, but then the mention of dear ol’ mom changed my mind. I could never take such an important step without my/our parents at the VERY least!
Post # 4
@ladyamalthea I think your situation is different. Like you said, the sentiment is that the marriage is more important than the wedding and that’s true. But if you’re having a big traditional wedding to appease family or even social norms, which a lot of people do, that is different from “refusing” to elope. If everything fell through and no one could attend, all the vendors went out of business and your venue burned down…would you REFUSE to marry him without the party? I doubt it. But it doesn’t mean that having a big wedding = doesn’t value marriage.
I myself am having a small intimate wedding for many different reasons. If someone said having a small wedding meant we weren’t as serious because we didn’t proclaim our love in front of as many people as possible than that would be silly. Makes sense to some people, but don’t live and die by it.
Post # 5
I agree with this to a certain extent, however, in some religions, eloping is an absolute no-no because of the religious rules involved pre-marriage stuff.
Post # 6
@ladyamalthea I think there is a difference between COULD and would. Like I know we can’t possibly elope because we have such huge families that would be SO disappointed.. but if it werent for that, SO and I would be soooo be down to run away together and do it!
Post # 7
We eloped and I wholeheartedly agree. In fact, when DH and I first started talking marriage and I mentioned going away just us, his face lit up. LOL
Post # 8
I think it’s a good theory, that it’s about the marriage and not just the wedding. But in real life there are many valid reasons that someone could refuse to elope, wanting family to be there to share in the day being the first I think of.
Post # 9
If i didn’t have a choice, I definitely would have married DH by eloping. The reason I also married him is because he would never have put me in that position of having to choose.
Post # 10
@ladyamalthea This may come off as selfish, but I really feel when it comes to the wedding the only two people whose feelings should come into 110% consideration is that the bride and the groom.
It sounds like in your situation both of you did not feel strongly about eloping, so the decision you made suits you both. However, if both of you had wanted to elope but you felt guilty b/c his mom “would be heartbroken” if she didn’t witness it then I think mothers, brothers, aunts, godparents, grandparents, etc. need to realize that marriage is something for the two people involved in the relationship and their wishes on how to celebrate it should be respected.
Post # 11
Me! ME! I was that friend!!! Hahahha!!! I semi wish my fi would elope.. But he won’t. But it’s not for the reason that he wants a big wedding and he’s obsessed with it, but because he thinks marriage is a promise you make in front of family and friends.
Post # 12
We’re having a private ceremony and couldn’t be happier about it! Neither of us are big party people; we want to spend the day focusing on each other. We’ll have a small, casual reception with immediate family and close friends later. 🙂
Post # 13
my litmust test for beign ready to marry my then-boyfriend/now-husband was “would I marry him today if it meant I could never have a wedding.” If the answer was yes, then I was ready to marry him. And yes, I would have married him the day he proposed, without a wedding, and we would have a wonderful marriage.
but that doesn’t mean we didn’t want or didn’t have a big expensive wedding, too. We planned the shit out of our wedding. We spent more money on it than our brand new car. We invited almost 300 people. It was a huge event and a huge undertaking and we loved every second of it. But we decided to have the huge wedding AFTER we decided that we wanted a marriage. Once we knew we wanted to be together, THEN we decided that we wanted a party to reflect how excited and committed we were. We didn’t get married to have a wedding, we had a wedding because we were getting married. It’s a very important distiction.
Post # 14
My Fiance is adamant that he doesn’t care how we get married, he just cares that we do. With that said, neither of us would ever seriously consider eloping because we’re both very close with our families and can’t imagine not having everyone we love be a part of our day.
Post # 15
We would have eloped, except it would have meant that our grandmothers couldn’t be there (they’re quite elderly and not really up to flying long distances).
Since we were getting married in our home town anyway, we thought we might as well have a party. But I would have just had a very small wedding (i.e. just parents, grandparents and siblings) if that was what my DH had wanted.
Post # 16
I would never consider eloping as my first choice and neither would Fiance. We are both super close to our families and not having them there wouldn’t fly with either of us. We wanted to do small destination, but the chance that all of our family members could make it was slim, so we opted for in town.
Now, if we didn’t have any family left, eloping may have been an option, but that would be one tragic accident for both of our families to suddenly die.