(Closed) "If you want marriage, don't marry someone who won't elope."

posted 7 years ago in Elopement
  • poll: For you and your SO, is/was eloping ever an option?

    No, not for me

    No, not for my SO

    Maybe, for me

    Maybe, for my SO

    Yes, for me

    Yes, for my SO

  • Post # 17
    6256 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: March 2014

    I really don’t think “I would refuse to elope because it’s really important to have my friends and family there to share our day” at all equates to “I was only looking for some guy to fill a role so I could have my pretty princess (or prince!) day.”

    Eloping isn’t for everyone. Some want to do it in a home church, some want to have a celebration to give back to everyone who has helped them become who they are, and some people really need a Kitchen Aid stand mixer 😀

    Post # 18
    434 posts
    Helper bee

    I would kind of like to elope just because I absolutely can’t wait to marry him and would love to do it as quickly as possible. But we are both very close to our families, and I want to celebrate with them. My mom’s only request is that I have an actual wedding that she gets to attend. We have 4 kids in the family, but I’m her only biological child and the only one from my parents’ marriage. My half sister got married and didn’t tell us for months, and that really hurt my parents. She would be heartbroken if she didn’t get to see me married, and I would never want to do that to her! She is absolutely one of my best friends.

    I also love SO’s family! Both of our families are very supportive of us and I would be sad if we didn’t have the opportunity to celebrate with everyone. Unless we had a really good reason, neither of us would want to elope. But we would not be opposed if it was necessary.

    Post # 19
    10451 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: February 2014

    My fiancé would have eloped, because he’s a guy and doesn’t give two shits about weddings. But most girls do… it’s not because I care more about a wedding than a marriage, it’s just because I’m a girl and we grow up thinking we’ll have a big pretty wedding one day. So I don’t agree with that statement at all. 

    Post # 20
    771 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: May 2014

    @ladyamalthea:  I agree with your friends sentiment somewhat however I wouldn’t want to marry a man that would be okay with hurting our Mommas’ feelings to elope versus having a wedding.

    We actually tossed around the eloping idea briefly but kept coming back to the fact that we need our families there.  So we are taking our fams to Vegas!

    I don’t mean any offense to anyone that did elope.  It would probably have been more of an option for me had my younger sis not had a wedding and not invited any of her family… and me seeing what that did to my mom.

    Post # 21
    11517 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: May 2014

    @ladyamalthea:  we talked about it but knew it would break out mothers hearts if we didn’t have a ‘real’ wedding. 

    I was more open to ‘running off to vegas’ than FH was, but ultimately we reached our decision together.

    Post # 22
    2942 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: May 2014

    View original reply
    @ValerieBee03:  I really like what you said.  I am marrying my Fiance no matter what.  If everything fell through, we would go down to the court house.  Being able to ask all of our large friends and family lists to be in the same place at the same time is kind of a bonus to the getting married thing.  There are a lot of people in our lives, and I really want to see them all. 

    Post # 23
    9802 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: September 2013

    We would never have eloped.  We just couldn’t do that to our families, it was important to us that they be there.  I think we talked about it early on, but we both would have felt bad not including our parents and siblings (we’re both close with them).  He probably would have eloped anyway, but I wanted my parents there.

    But we both could have done without the big party.  I wanted to go to Vegas (with family and a few friends), he wouldn’t go there.  He wanted to go to Hawaii/beach, but I didn’t because I had close friends I wanted to be there that I knew couldn’t afford it.  So we ended up having a regular wedding.  I wish I would have tried harder to talk him into Vegas though!

    I don’t really agree with the statement, but I think if the big wedding is a source of conflict (can’t afford it, horrible families, etc) than the couple should put the marriage over the big wedding and do something else.  Maybe smaller and more intimate, destination wedding, whatever.

    Post # 24
    549 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: August 2014

    @ladyamalthea:  You left out a few options on the poll so I did not vote.


    “Elopement” is the only way my Fiance and can even fathom actually getting married without all the stress. We have planned and set several wedding dates now and something (ie death of a family memeber, etc) happens EVERY time.


    So I finally said, I will plan it all, I will let you and the little bit of people who will be there know about a month to 2 weeks in advance when and where.


    I put elopement in quotes because a technical elopement is running off and just doing it without anyone being there. However, a 2nd marriage with kids involved this may not be possible. And of course not wanting to leave the other family memebers out. Therefore we are having a small, desination wedding with just our immediate family, and not even all the FI’s because he doesn’t speak to half of his.

    Post # 25
    2854 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: August 2015

    Fiance would elope tomorrow. I wish I wanted to elope, but I couldn’t imagine our families not being there. Our families and friends have been so excited and supportive, that I would hate to disappoint them. Also, I want them to be there. 

    ETA: but if my choices were either elope or I couldn’t marry my Fiance, I would certainly elope! However, the annoyingly big wedding is a possibility so I have to suck it up and plan lol

    Post # 26
    69 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: June 2014

    @ladyamalthea:  I think we would have agreed to the idea of eloping. At the end of the day, we just want to be married to each other. However, my Fiance is Catholic and our marriage wouldn’t be recognized in the church if we were to go to the court house. That was probably our biggest reason for having a church wedding. In addition, our families are super important to us and I just couldn’t envision doing it without them there. I definitely think the focus should be more on the marriage than on the wedding, though.

    Post # 27
    9818 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: August 2012

    I would have been fine eloping. Our parents really wanted the traditional wedding and offered to pay for it, so we went that route.

    Post # 28
    10635 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: January 2011

    DH and I wouldn’t elope, as we woudln’t exclude our immediate families.  Not only did we marry each other, but we also gained new relatives when we got married.

    That’s not the case for everyone, and if DH’s parents were horrid people or something I would be fine with not having new inlaws.

    Post # 29
    38 posts
    • Wedding: November 2012

    My husband and I were on the same page and then his mother voiced her opinion. I love her and she really thought she was doing us a favor. Oh well, it’s in the past.

    Post # 30
    1007 posts
    Bumble bee

    @ladyamalthea:  My SO said he’d go to the courthouse with me tomorrow if that’s what I wanted…and if that’s what HE wanted I’d do the same…but we have the option of having our families there in a small intimate gathering so I don’t see the harm in that.

    I do get what the quote is saying…I’ve know people who would practically marry anyone just for the WEDDING and split up months later because, oh yeah, marriage comes along with it. I don’t think it’s a “black-and-white” case though with every elopement or traditional wedding.

    Post # 31
    2890 posts
    Sugar bee

    @ladyamalthea:  I wanted to elope at first because we couldn’t afford to have a wedding like we wanted (nothing eccentric, just something nice with nice food),  but SO wasn’t on board. Thinking about it, I realized he was right. To us both, a wedding includes family, it’s the reunion of 2 families together. It would mean nothing to us to sign papers (other than getting legal stuff taken care of) if we didn’t have the wedding as well. Our mothers, whom we’re both close to, would both be heartbroken if we eloped. I still think about it because I don’t want to spend money over a wedding, but I don’t want to skip it either. We’re trying to find the right balance between our budget and our (emotional) needs, and since it’s postponed anyway due to financial difficulties right now, we’ll have plenty of time to figure it out.


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