(Closed) If you were a BM…

posted 9 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
5976 posts
Bee Keeper

All of the above…I’m in a destination wedding in October and will be paying for all of these. 

Post # 4
2649 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

I personally would  say all of the above, with mabey the exception of the hair.  It would be no diffrent than traveling 5 hrs to be a bridesmaid  stateside.  I would not expect the bride to pay my way. I might bitch, but it would be with love.

Post # 5
533 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

If I was a Bridesmaid or Best Man at a destination wedding, I would expect that I would have to pay for travel, hotel, dress, hair, makeup.  Pretty much everything… except for nails, because it would be a waste of money – I destroy pretty nails in 30 minutes!

Post # 6
5842 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2011

All of the above

Well maybe not nails… if the bride is requiring a french manicure or something I might expect the bride to pay.

Post # 7
218 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

I’d expect to pay for ALL of the above!

Post # 8
1991 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

I would expect to pay for all of those things but it might be a nice surprise to have the bride treat to the nails or something.

Post # 9
2649 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

I left off the nails because that would be something I would do anyway before going on a “vacation” but yea.. that’s not really nessacary for some…so that might be an exception too

Post # 11
319 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: January 2012

View original reply
@MrsNeutrino: Did they know you were planning a destination wedding when you asked them to stand up with you?

If so they shouldn’t be surprised to pay for at least a portion of the room/travel, in fact I would be pleased if the bride pitched in for any of it.

Hair/make-up, my position is that if the bride requires them to have it done a certain way then she should pay for it. If it’s okay for them to DIY but they choose to have a stylist/MUA then that’s their call.

What you’re expecting them to pay for seems perfectly reasonable.

Post # 12
2583 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I’m surprised at the responses… I’m having a local wedding and no way am I making my BMs pay hair, makeup, or nails! But the rest I think would be reasonable to expect to pay as a Bridesmaid or Best Man. I think your short list is very reasonable- even at local weddings many people have to pay for a hotel if they don’t live nearby.

Post # 13
1231 posts
Bumble bee


Hair- maybe


Car rental-split with others

Hotel-split with others




Post # 14
394 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

I would expect to pay for all of the above. Cost is definitely something I would consider before accepting the title as bridesmaid.

ETA: Car rental and hotel, I’d split with others.

Post # 15
9841 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

I would expect to pay for it all, but I would hope the bride wouldn’t force me to have my hair/nails/makeup professionally done if money was an issue.

Post # 16
7294 posts
Busy Beekeeper

i didn’t pay for any of those things for my BMs, but i also didn’t require anything besides the travel obviously – but even if they couldn’t come to my wedding, i still considered them my Bridesmaid or Best Man (which happened with two girls actually).  it was up to them to get their hair, makeup and nails if they wanted.  all but one of them opted to get hair and makeup, and the one that didn’t did a great job on herself.


ETA: i guess the other thing i “required” was the dress, but i gave them free reign on style, length and fabric – i only wanted the color the same. And if any of them came to me and said they can;t afford it, i would have helped them. in fact because i required the dress, i WISHED i could have paid for them, but i just couldn’t and i knew they were ok and i had been in 3 of their weddings (out of 6, 3 were married) and paid for my own Bridesmaid or Best Man dress so it was kind of a mutual expectation in my group that BMs pay for their dress.

and i bought them jewelry that i required they wear.  shoes were up to them, though i gave the recommendation of silver flat sandals.

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