- 5 years ago
- Wedding: May 2013
This is going to take a bit to explain, and is more drama than I am accustomed to being in the midst of!!
Background: I’m very close friends with a girl who is dating my SO’s younger brother. I actually was good friends with both of them before I even met my SO, and we’ve all remained close (it’s awesome to have go-to double dating buddies). They are a few years younger than we are, but she has been hoping for a proposal for nearly a year, and they are definitely old enough to get married, each with established careers, etc. Because of some drama with her family, they’ve taken time in sorting that out, and are now actually moving slower than they were a year ago as they try to get her parents on board.
For the last number of months, my SO has been telling his brother to prepare her for the fact that we are likely going to be engaged first. His brother has been pretty much, “Okay, cool man!” but hasn’t wanted to open that discussion with his girlfriend, since he KNOWS how she feels about wanting to be engaged. I’m not sure he (SO’s brother) has ever actually adressed it with my friend, and I haven’t really brought it up in that context since I had no idea when it was actually happening. She and I have shared the pangs when other people we know dating for less time get engaged, and she knows I am waiting.
Cue this past weekend – there’s a Sweetheart Banquet coming up at our church (all 4 of us go there) in less than a month for engaged and married couples only. My SO brought it up totally on his own and asked if I’d be interested – “*iff* we qualify by then.” Obviously, I was very enthusiastic in saying I’d DEFINITELY love to go. So, although as we all know, there are no guarantees in this game, it looks like I have less than a month to wait.
Next, my friend is going out of town this weekend for a bachelorette party for the girl who is marrying her older brother next month. I already know it’s going to be a tough weekend for her, since she again has watched her brother meet, date, get engaged and now get married while she has been dating the same guy. (I know the bees are familiar with THAT feeling!!!)
Here’s the question – do I email her and tell her how I TOTALLY understand that this is going to be annoying, but I think I’m going to be engaged in a matter of weeks and I want to give her time to prepare? Do I say nothing and when I get engaged, she finds out? Do I wait for the bachelorette weekend to be over and tell her when she gets back? I think if I were her, I’d like to know in advance, but I really don’t know. She is a lovely, dear friend, and I am very much hoping that I get to be her sister some day. I really want to make this no worse for her than it inevitably will be just by virtue of leaving her waiting