(Closed) If you were in someones wedding..Does that mean thay have to be in yours?

posted 6 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
4193 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: July 2012 - Baltimore Museum of Industry

NO!!! 🙂 Your bridal party should be your nearest and dearest.

Post # 4
Member
4272 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

No

Post # 5
Member
177 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

Nope.

Post # 6
Member
452 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

I don’t think so, everyone’s wedding and wedding party “needs” are different.

Post # 7
Member
1668 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

No, not at all.  I was in my best friend’s wedding and I didn’t ask her to be in mine.  Nothing bad I just had my sister in the wedding and no other BMs.  I didn’t feel obligated to add her and I don’t believe she took offense.

Post # 8
Member
3471 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2012 - The Gables Inn, Santa Rosa, CA

Absolutely not.  Each person chooses their attendants based on the people they are closest to at that particular time in their life.  there is ZERO obligation to choose any person based on the past. 

Post # 9
Member
2077 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

I could have written this post.  

I stepped in as a bridesmaid at the last minute for a friend, and made and gifted her $200 worth of her flowers for the day.  Although I did receive a verbal thank you the day of, I didn’t receive a written thank you.  I was SO put off by it and genuinely felt that she got close with me the months leading up to her wedding strictly because I was the only person in her wedding party that actually paid her any attention (ei. Went to dress fittings, shopping, etc.) and was the person she was going through to make her wedding flowers.  After the wedding was over, our friendship completely fizzled.

Don’t feel like you need to ask her to be in your wedding party if you don’t want her in it.  It’s your day, you choose who you want to be there out of love, not obligation.  😉

Post # 10
Member
1902 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

No – but it’s definately awkward. We have been invited to a couple of weddings on FIs side, they are family friends but don’t see them very often (in fact I have met them ONCE) they invited us to theirs – now were obliged to have invite all 5 of them (they have children)

Oh well, only a day eh?

Post # 11
Member
1375 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@LindsayMaree:  Wow, you gifted her flowers, were in the wedding, and she didn’t even write you a thank you card??  Unreal.  My bff has kindly offered to do the flowers as her gift to us (she is also a bridesmaid) and I’m so happy I’m trying to figure out what ‘extra’ I can give her in thanks!

Post # 12
Member
451 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

No!  Can you imagine that awful cycle if everyone had to reciprocate to everyone who was in their wedding.  It would be maddness!

Post # 14
Member
6825 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

I agree no but if you ask a friend of mine (well she is more of a distant friend now) if should be in each other weddings she would say yes. She got pissed cause I was a Bridesmaid or Best Man in hers but I didn’t ask her to be a Bridesmaid or Best Man in mine. 

Post # 15
Member
3451 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Nope.

Post # 16
Member
4464 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: February 2012

No.

One of my bridesmaids (close friend since 5th grade) is getting married in a few weeks. I have only one sister (he has two but I’m not close with them) so having a larger bridal party was important to me (I included cousins, childhood friends). My friend has a sister, two sisters-in-law and tons of women that she is close to. To her, having a larger bridal party was not important. She knew that if she started including then she’d have to include everyone. So she chose the three girls that she’s in a band with that she’s been friends with since kindergarten. I know there are other girls she’s close friends with (some that she met while abroad) and people have even asked me when I’m getting my dress (eek) but I totally understand her decision and my feelings were not hurt. She actually explained all this to me a few weeks ago, brought it up totally on her own and I wasn’t expecting it. I was like girl, please I already knew all that!

I did get a fabulous long black dress from Rent the Runway for ^^.

 

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