Post # 1
That I bought you a gift or helped offset the costs of the wedding?
My wedding is a Destination Wedding for all of my BMs. They are travelling from Newfoundland and Alberta to be a part of the day. (they would all have attended the wedding regardless of being BMs so coming isn’t really a cost of being a Bridesmaid or Best Man…)
They have paid for Shoes ($60) dresses – they picked the style they wanted from a line we agreed on ($160) and they have all asked that I book them hair appointments (I asked them if they wanted me to – I told them I was perfectly fine with them doing their own hair and makeup, they all opted to get hair done and DIY the makeup) hair will be about $80
So so far – their costs are $300, they will then have airfare (that will vary) and hotel (my FH works at the hotel where we’re putting our block, it’s a nice business class hotel they’re getting 50% off) the rate will be $79/night – same as our other guests. I’m not requiring they stay there but I can’t imagine they’re going to find a better deal.
So, my question – would you rather I bought you a gift (I’m thinking a designer wristlet – Kate Spade or Coach depending on the girl, earrings, & lip gloss kinda thing). I’ll spend about $150 each on them probably.
I can get them the $150 gift OR I can pay for their hair and a night at the hotel.
Which would you prefer?
Post # 3
I would prefer to have costs offset! Perhaps you can do that and write them each a note?
Post # 4
I’d love if a bride paid for my hotel and hair! Sure, a kate spade wristlet is fun, but I’d much rather not have to fork over more cash.
Post # 6
I actually helped them offset the costs in a way. Before we went dress shopping I gave them a personalized VISA gift card as their big gift. The card had a photo on it of me and each girl. It was from giftcards.com. The idea behind it was that they could put it towards the dress if they wanted. My bff bought a few shirts I think and my sister is going to use it for her hair. (optional).
I will give them a few small things to open on the day of. I was each of their MOH’s and I loved the gifts they gave me. I really like gifts though. I knew my bff hates getting certain things that she doesn’t want and my sister could use financial help.
Post # 7
Do the hair and hotel and get them something very small as their gift, like a cheap necklace from etsy or something just as a token. I think they will understand and be more appreciative that you’re offsetting their costs.
OR do the hair and a slightly more expensive gift, since they would have been paying for flight/hotel to come to your wedding anyway, which they wouldn’t have missed.
Post # 8
@MrsBeck: @ImmaBee: @cupcakebride2013: @Bubbles42: Thank you – I want to do something nice for them, and I’ll probably still get them a little something (and I’ll probably have a gift just in case they refuse to let me pay for their hair – they’re like that).
I am covering part of the costs of the dresses already, we (I) didn’t realize that the dresses were different prices so I told them all $165 – turns out that 2 of them are $190 and another is $175, so I’m covering the difference so they all pay the same, I’m also covering the taxes, the store offers no tax if you pay cash, but I like the safety of the credit card trail so I opted against that.
I’m doing everything I can to keep costs down as much as possible for the girls, but I’ve also never been a Bridesmaid or Best Man so I really don’t know what I should do or what people expect.
Post # 9
I think you should use it to offset the costs. I was in the same position with my bridesmaids. I could not afford to do both. I asked them, and they said they would rather me offset the costs. They only had to pay for their dress and $50 per night at a condo.
Post # 10
I think given that there is a lot of costs with your wedding I’d prefer to have something paid for!
Why don’t you maybe pay ahead of time or something so they they can’t fight you on paying 🙂 and then a nice heartfelt note or something to give them the day of. I’m making picture collages for each of my BM- low on cost, but high on meaning 🙂
Post # 11
I’ve been a bridesmaid twice and didn’t care if I got a gift. Having the bride offset the costs would be a huge help!
Post # 12
@MsGinkgo: I would rather you offset some of the costs. I paid for all my bridesmaid dresses since I was having a destination wedding and they had to pay to come to that. I got each of them a personalized card made by this amazing girl on Etsy that also did my invites. It was a nice token to show my thanks and they all appreciated it 🙂
Post # 13
@MsGinkgo: Hey, I agree totally with @futuremrsk18: took the words right out of my mouth.
Post # 14
Offset the costs of the hotel and the hair. If I was a bridesmaid, I would love if the bride was able to do that. A gift is wonderful, but sometimes costs add up and I think it would be the more generous gift, you know? I would also write each lady a really heartfelt card and give it to them the night before or morning of the wedding.
Post # 15
@Bubbles42: I LOVE the personal gift card idea!
Post # 16
I would prefer to have costs offset!