Post # 61
Dh and I had been together over 7 years by the time he proposed and while it was a timeline we both agreed upon years prior given that we wanted to finish all our schooling first, I still felt like it was a pretty long ass time! So if you asked me then, I would have said yes, I needed a ring. I needed the question (which I always had full faith was coming) to be accompanied by something to signify that step. And because I’m usually the one in our relationship making decisions, it was incredibly important to me that it be completely up to him to choose one. Stupid or not, at the time, that all carried a lot of weight for me.
Ask me now, 5+ years, a house, and a baby later, and none of that matters anymore. In fact, having a ring at all doesn’t really matter to me anymore. Of course I still love my ring and it makes me smile like a silly teenager whenever I look at it because it reminds me of how much care he put into choosing it. But at the end of the day, it’s just a thing. Priorities change, perspectives change. 🤷♀️
Post # 62
annabananabee : Just because I answered this question saying that I would not be okay with a proposal without a ring, does not suggest that I would turn down a proposal from the man I love.
I am being authentic by saying I would not be okay with it.
There is nothing wrong with women wanting rings during their proposal, that does not suggest that these women cannot buy their own jewelry. I do not see any correlation to that statement. That is also to say that there is nothing wrong with women not having an issue of a ring being present during a proposal.
My original comment was suggesting that I was surpised that many Bees have responded saying they would not mind if there wasnt a ring. That was my honest reaction.
Post # 63
TheGridMonster : This is the perfect response, well said.
Post # 64
We mutually agreed to merge our families and spend our lives together–a lot harder to blend a family than to buy jewelry. Then we agreed upon a budget and bought a ring or three and a house and now another house–the jewelry isn’t the promise, the promise is the promise. I love pretty things and will add more. But a ring is just a symbol and I wouldn’t marry a man if I didn’t trust his promise alone to mean what it needs to mean.
Post # 65
My sister was proposed to without a ring because she hates jewelry and didn’t want one. The guy was the one who struggled with that in that scenario.
Post # 66
kayaa : To answer your question, I turned down a proposal without a ring (the proposal was a desperate attempt to salvage a relationship). While it’s now moot, I don’t think it’s wrong to want a ring, and I wouldn’t want to be with someone so obstinant as to insist I not have one. In your friend’s case, it seems she is ok not having a ring, which is also fine.
Post # 67
I was proposed to without a ring and it was fantastic. He was just so excited and couldn’t wait any longer to ask and that made it spontaneous, thrilling and perfect for both of us. I did not need an object to make it any more “real”. We got a Victorian diamond hoop ring very soon after ( I adore vintage jewellery) and that was my stand in ring until he designed and had my permanent one made because he wanted my input.
There are some women who do not think a proposal is a real commitment unless there is a ring put on their finger at that moment and some who couldn’t care less, they just want to pledge a future together and move forwards, whether there is a ring or not. It all depends on the person/ couple.
Post # 68
I was proposed to with a claddagh I already owned. Didn’t care at all. I felt a pang of “longing“ only when we announced and people asked to see the ring, but then I quickly remembered that I didn’t give a shit.
Years later and I have a collection of beautiful jewellery given to me by my husband, but my cheap little claddagh is the most important one I own.
Post # 69
I got proposed to without a ring. The ring arrived a few days later . It’s a family heirloom. What’s the big deal?
Here I am today just wearing my wedding band. I’m married. Who cares?
Post # 70
- Wedding: April 2017 - City, State
I think I just know one too many people who got the ring but not the marriage for me to put that much stock in that particular gesture. It can just as easily be given to shut someone up as it is to show a genuine sign of commitment. And I say that as someone who did get an engagement ring after the fact.
Post # 71
- Wedding: June 2017 - A vineyard
With my ex Fiance I was proposed to ringless. I did accept it. I knew he couldn’t afford me a ring so I bought myself one. We agreed he would buy me another at a later date. No big deal. I wasn’t with him for his ability to buy me a fancy ring anyway.
With my husband I did not have to do that. I was given my grandmothers set and would have just worn that if my husband wasn’t able to get me a ring. Luckily because of the free diamond he could reset it affordably.
Post # 72
I wouldn’t have felt engaged personally without a ring. I know it’s silly, but it’s something that’s been engrained culturally. I don’t judge other people’s engagements by this standard (a ring is just a symbol, and an expensive one at that), but for me, I felt that I needed it. I also knew my husband could afford it easily, and I looked for cheap options on top of that.
Post # 73
kayaa : I don’t think a ring should be necessary.
I mean, I’m all for shineys – but I know more than a few guys who have been stressed about saving up to get a ring worth a certai $ which is more than they can afford.
My Darling Husband proposed with my mums ring that he borrowed, and then I bought my own ring online with our joint account.
Post # 74
echomomm : heh, my mom went to buy her ring with her brother. Where I’m from the ring is much less of a thing than in the USA. The average ring costs about $200. Also men wear engagement rings so they often don’t buy it for themselves before proposing. I also know quite a few people who don’t wear rings it’s only wear them if they remember. So rings are not a big deal.
So I guess the scenario here is that there will not be a ring at all? So assuming man proposes and woman accepts. Then requests a ring. The man refuses? Is woman allowed to buy one herself? Cause I would have a problem if something was important to me and my partner would refuse without a reason. Not just rings, but anyhting.
Post # 75
The ring was necessary for me. My husband and I were together for 20 years before we got married. He had said for many years that he didn’t want to get married again—ever. So when he said, “Let’s get married,” I said “after 20 years, I expect a formal proposal with a ring.” So, he went to the jewelry shop, created a card, wrote up some nice things, and formally asked me to marry him. It might seem silly, but it was important to me that he put in an extra bit of effort.