Post # 76
It mattered to me that he REALLY wanted to marry me. His proposal was spontaneous because he couldn’t wait any longer to ask me. Although I said no, because it was too soon for me, I loved his proposal because it was so heartfelt. The fact he didn’t have a ring was completely unimportant to me under these circumstances.
However, once I said yes, getting a ring was an important symbol to me. Honestly, I would have been sad to never get one. We were very practical, and bought it from a closing down sale. He didn’t ‘re-propose’ with it. I’d already said yes!
In contrast, when my ex-fi proposed it was important to me that he already had a ring. He’d kept me waiting a long time so I felt that I needed him to put a lot of effort into the proposal as ‘proof’ that he really wanted to get married. It didn’t work to assuage my doubts though.
Post # 77
Proposed to, of course. It’s the commitment that is important. Assuming he can afford one and knows I’d value a ring, wanting to shop together would be equally as great as being surprised. If he couldn’t afford any ring at the moment, that would have been fine, too.
Not willing to consider a purchase of any kind of ring at all, ever, even knowing it would be something I’d enjoy and cherish, and again, assuming no financial issue, would cause me to think again, not because of a lack of a ring, but because of the underlying personality it would reflect. But it’s very unlikely it would have gotten to that point with someone like that.
Post # 78
I was proposed to with a pizza, and no ring. It was fantastic. We were engaged for 3 months before buying a ring which I stopped wearing after the wedding (switched to a gold band).
I don’t know how everyone else gets through proposals without the pizza tho. Call me old fashioned but I think when you’re in love someone has to get down on one knee with a pizza that says “marry me?” I guess nowadays couples just don’t do that but…
Post # 79
Hmm interesting question. No I don’t think I would be that happy to be proposed to without a ring because to me it would signify a lack of forethought and asking me to spend the rest of my life with him is something I want some thought put into. I’m not a spontaneous person so I wouldn’t really want a spontaneous proposal
Post # 80
- Wedding: July 2019 - San Antonio, TX
My first husband never got me a ring and I convinced myself I didn’t care. But he turned out to be incredibly self absorbed and cheap and even though he makes plenty of money now what our children know about him is that he is selfish and cheap. Wish I could have spared them that.
This time, my new husband proposed with a ring and a proposal that he put a great deal of thought into. I would have married him without a ring but I have to say, I’m really glad I didn’t have to.
Post # 81
kayaa : I was proposed to without a ring and I was fine with it. To me, the ring is the icing on the cake. While beautiful, it is unnecessary and does not take the place of the necessary elements of engagement–love, trust, a decision to get married, and committment to building a life together.
I never ended up getting an engagement ring. One reason is that I don’t put that much value into material objects, and it just wasn’t a big deal to me. Another is that I don’t generally tend to wear rings due to finding them distracting and uncomfortable. We have plain band wedding rings, but neither of us tends to wear them on a regular basis. Me due to the sensory distraction/discomfort, and my husband due to some dangers of his job.
It doesn’t change a thing in our relationship. My husband and I have been married for 8 years now and are as in love and as committed as anyone else who is deeply in love and committed. We’ve been through lots of hardships, especially lately, and are still very much on solid ground and happy together. Sometimes we talk about getting me a fancy ring just because I like jewelry (maybe for an upcominng anniversary–10 years perhaps), but it honestly hasn’t been a priority for us…like I said, neither of us even tends to wear our wedding rings.
I know other people who have rings but don’t wear them–and if you’re not wearing the ring(s) then I feel like there is not much difference in having or not having a ring.
ETA: I just saw your follow-up. Assuming your friend is happy, I would guess that she doesn’t place much emphasis on things like rings.
The problem, as some PP’s have pointed out, is when individuals in a couple have different expectations of what is acceptable. For example, if one person wants to have a ring and the other person doesn’t want to buy it for them… that speaks to MUCH deeper issues within the relationship. If there are financial difficulties, that is understandable, but even so there are beautiful and cost-effective options.
Post # 82
No cause then I could pick my own ring. Win/win.
Post # 83
I would be. We were very fortunate to be able to use a family diamond for a ring, so it wasn’t a huge investment. If that hadn’t been the case, I would have probably preferred no engagement ring. We can afford it, but I’m not the biggest jewelry person, so if the ring had cost roughly a nice used car versus a business class plane ticket, I would have felt uncomfortable. Plus, it always seems so romantic to me, when couples decide without the traditional proposal to get married, and just get bands.
Post # 84
Wow impressed with all the bees that would be fine with it! Am I a monster thinking I wouldn’t be? I feel like the ring is a beautiful tradition!
Post # 85
beecie33 : Wanting a ring does not make you a monster. The bees who feel this way are not speaking up, that’s all. I told my FH straight up I want a clear sparking stone, and size matters. I also offered to pitch in because diamonds are super expensive. Thank goodness for moissanite. I would have gone the CZ route otherwise, maybe replaced it with a white sapphire later on. Or I may have done morganite with rose gold.
Post # 86
I requested that I not get a ring as I don’t like the tradition – my husband wanted to get me something so he got me some inexpensive earrings and a necklace instead.
Post # 87
My husband proposed without a ring. It was all planned out, with the proposal written down, and pulled out when he got on one knee. He wanted me to pick out my ring, and I must say, I loved taking my time to find my ring. We were already engaged, so I didn’t feel rushed.
Post # 88
BuzzedBumblingBee : yes! To each their own 🙂 no judgement from me.
Post # 89
I have a friend who was proposed to with a prop ring because they wanted to design their rings together. They’d talked about it beforehand so they were on the same page, so she got exactly what she wanted. I’ve had other friends propose with a ring, but then not wear it for a few weeks because it had to be resized. I’m sure it’s fun to have the ring immediately as a symbol of your new commitment, but I think a sincere proposal without a ring is fine.