(Closed) If you were/are engaged relatively young, do people question your relationship?

posted 4 years ago in Engagement
Post # 2
Member
1512 posts
Bumble bee

I’m 23 and my fiance is 30, but we both look so young that people still think we are like 17-20. People who meet us just assume we are young, so we always get the “but you’re so young” comment but it’s always so condiscending. The comment that always really strikes a nerve is “what’s the big rush, why do you HAVE to get married?” Like, I’m in no rush at all. We’ve been together for just under 6 years and aren’t married yet so there is obviously no rush. Many people my age and younger have been married and divorced by now, so I don’t think I am on any ‘fast track’ to marriage. Ugh!

Post # 3
Member
5430 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2017

While it wasn’t about being young, it was that I got pregnant after knowing my now fiance for only two months. my daughter turned a year in August and we are getting married next year

Just understand that they are coming from a place of concern. they aren’t doing it to make you feel rotten, they care about you and just want to make sure you know what you are doing.

Just nod your head and brush it off

Post # 4
Member
5430 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2017

View original reply
haileyblue :  

I remember thinking “so and so are completely miserable together and in a loveless marriage but they are expecting a baby. I’m supposed to be thrilled about that because they’ve been together for a long time (completely unhappy together) while I can’t be happy for myself because we’ve only been together for a short time? screw that”

Post # 5
Member
466 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2008

People are ALWAYS going to haven an opinion about EVERYTHING in your life, the trick is to not let their comments bother you. Older people, especially, love giving their POV and while I do believe it is wise to listen to their years of experience…do take them with a little grain of salt.

In any case, I am offering that maybe she said what she said noy because of your age but because you’ve been engaged for 1 year (somepeople I have met believe that long engagements equal guy doesn’t want to get married). If is this or that, learn to let it go.

Opinions will never stop..whetever you are single, engaged, married, with kids, without kids…people will always make rude comments. 

Post # 6
Member
531 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

I got married at 21 and hubs was 26, people questioned it all the time. We have 2 kids and one on the way and eventually people stop talking or you don’t notice if they do. In the end they can say what they want, it doesn’t change the outcome of your marriage. Actually one of my family members known for talking who got married around the same time has already been divorced from her spouce. I tried not to be cruel but it made me awfully smug because all the trouble she caused. 

Post # 7
Member
1338 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2016 - Painswick Church and the Falcon Hotel

I was 20 and husband 27 when we got engaged and got married at 22 and 29 we don’t get any negative comments but we seem much older because we have our own house, good careers, etc. So I think people assume that we’re older when they meet us 

Post # 8
Member
3423 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

View original reply
sarahlf :  I just had a rude conversation with someone at work (who I had met THAT DAY). He said “You look way younger than me, too young to be getting married. What are you, like really religious or something? How long have you guys even been together? I’ve been with my girlfriend for 6 years and we aren’t even engaged!”

I responded “I guess I will take it as a compliment that you think I look young, I’m 24. We’re not religious at all, not that it matters, and have been together for 3.5 years. So why haven’t YOU proposed yet then??”

He got super flustered and was like “oh its coming” and changed the subject. Not sure how he felt it was appropriate to ask me all that, and then couldn’t handle the same pressure when I asked about his relationship!! People can be idiots, don’t let it get you down! 🙂

(The woman next to us then responded with “I could never get married, I’m too much of a feminist. Are you changing your last name? You ARE?? Oh GOD!!” but that’s a whole different story)

Post # 9
Member
286 posts
Helper bee

I am 22 years old and my fiance is 26 years old, we also have been engaged almost a year. Honestly I have not had many of those type of comments. The comments I generally get is why are you and your Fiance waiting so long to get married (We are getting married in 2018). So I get comments that are completely opposite to what you get. Goes to show you can’t make everyone happy, and everyone is going to have their own opinion and feel the need to voice it. Just do what you want to do and don’t worry what other think or say. Just brush it off. 🙂

Post # 10
Member
52 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: June 2018

People are always going to have something to say, no matter what your choices are!

23 or under? Too young to have any life experience! Older than 25? You better tie the knot before your eggs just shrivel up! Dated less than a year? You don’t even know him! Dated more than a year and a half with no ring? He’s dragging his feet, set a walk date! I really think by everyone else’s logic and comments I’ve witnessed, you need to get married just before you turn 25, after getting engaged no longer than a year and a few months after your first date. Otherwise, you’re wrong!

In all seriousness though, and I know it’s easier said than done, try to brush off the negative comments. I don’t know if some people just don’t realize how offensive they’re being, or they just don’t care, but it’s not worth getting your feathers ruffled about. No one knows your relationship better than yourself and your Fiance, so that should be all that matters! 

Post # 11
Member
10509 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2016

I actually had the opposite experience. Instead of being told we were too young, we got a lot of pressure from family and friends to get married even younger than we did. We got engaged at 25, married at 26, and have been together since we were 18. And I’m glad we waited as long as we did even though there were a lot of people telling us to just do it already. But the thing is, it isn’t thier relationship or thier lives. So we just ignored them and did things the way we wanted to.

You are getting married young. A lot of people see that as a bad decision. It may be rude of her to comment but to be honest there’s probably more people around you thinking it. So you might as well just let it go and move on.

Post # 12
Member
84 posts
Worker bee

That never goes away. People will always find a way to be critical of something. My Fiance is a teacher and my dad seems to think that I am out of his league since I will make more money than him after graduation. Somehow that’s wrong. I just wouldn’t tell anybody anything if that’s how they react. 

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