(Closed) If your diamond/ring is an heirloom…

posted 5 years ago in Rings
Post # 3
Member
3402 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

Firstly, I can see this from the angle of all parties involved.

I feel like your mom is genuine in wanting to give you the diamond for the right reasons, but your Fiance is reluctant to take anything from her after the history they have together because he doesn’t trust her motives.

My thought is that while it would be quite nice to get a free heirloom diamond, the reality is that a .5ct diamond really wouldn’t cost that much money on a sight like bluenile, so if he ego or defensiveness doesn’t subside, it might just be best to let him eat the cost and buy it himself. IMO, it’s really not worth making lasting waves over a few hundred dollars.

I’d give him some time, and if he doesn’t bring it up, I might broach the subject again (after a few weeks or even a month of not bring it up at all), and if he is immediately is defensive and upset, I’d let it go for the long run and allow him to buy you a diamond on his own.

Post # 5
Member
5001 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2013

My Fiance was very happy to take my grandmother’s amazing 1.5 ct emerald stone from my mom when he proposed!! He did feel that he wanted to make it “his,” so he was really happy when I wanted a 3-stone ring so he could purchase the side stones and the setting. It worked out perfectly for us. My Fiance is extremely laid back and gets along well with my mom (even though she’s super controlling), so he didn’t really have issues with it and neither did I!

Post # 6
Member
508 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

My Fiance was happy to take the ring my mother offered – it was free! 😛 We don’t have much money, so he jumped at the chance.  Plus, he knew having my mom’s ring would mean a lot to me.

Post # 7
Member
2916 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 1996

I’d just leave it for a while and give him some time to adjust to the idea. Maybe when you DO bring it up again you could focus on the fact that it would be so nice to have a piece of history and something that belonged to your great-grandmother? Focusing on the great-grandmother aspect and not the part where your mother has something to do with it might help.

Post # 8
Member
6359 posts
Bee Keeper

Bring it up very gently next time but if he insists on buying you the diamond himself, just let him…it can be an ego thing for guys.

Consider yourself lucky you have a man who thinks it’s important to do his best to spoil you! There’s nothing wrong with a heirloom stone…at all! But isn’t it great that, no matter whether you choose the heirloom stone or a new one, your Fiance has the desire to buy you the stone himself? He wants to show you how much you mean to him. I think it’s really, really sweet!

I don’t know if he’s got an artistic eye, but what if he designs the setting for the stone himself? He might feel as much pride from that! My Fiance designed the ring (with a little input from me, but he was the “project lead”), and now he just can’t stop beaming about it 🙂 

Post # 10
Member
2335 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2018

@Kat:  I think it would depend on the quality of her grandmother’s diamond. My .51 ct, because of the specs, was slightly under $2k and there are lots of 1/2 carats on Blue Nile priced that way as well.

If the heirloom diamond is of average quality, I agree that perhaps it’s not a big deal. But if it happens to be a particularly well-cut, colorless diamond and she really likes it, it seems like kind of a waste to shell out a couple thousand dollars to get a stone of comparable quality, or else ‘settle’ for a lesser stone.

Post # 11
Member
3402 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

@rachelmichelle:  I see what you mean. After I wrote the post I actually searched blue nile, and some half carats can get pretty steep. I was writing based on the assumption that the stone was in the near colorless spectrum with middle range clarity.

 

Post # 13
Member
2335 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2018

@SouthernGirl:  Wow, no kidding! Maybe if you explained the cost of a flawless diamond to your Fiance and how much money it would save him, he’d be willing to consider it?

Post # 14
Member
4663 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

i hope he can get over the ego thing and accept the diamond.

Post # 15
Member
1448 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@rachelmichelle:  +1.  1.5K – 2K is nothing to sneeze at.

We’re using my FI’s grandmother’s ring as my wedding band, and it has two rows of tiny pave diamonds in it.  It’s a beautiful heirloom, looks great with my engagement ring and we’re both thrilled to have it.  My engagement ring has a matching wedding band that we didn’t buy – my Fiance said he would be willing to buy it for me.  I mentioned we could get the matching band for an anniversary gift later.

Post # 16
Member
317 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

My center stone belonged to my fiancé’s deceased grandmother. I feel so honored to have received what has now become a family heirloom and will be passed on to another generation in our family some day.

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