Post # 1
before he met you, would you still want him going to the strip club with his guy friends?
Let me give some background but I’ll be brief. Before I ment my SO, he had been previously married and when his marriage derailed, he enjoyed his single time by seeing many women. I have absolutley no issue with this. One of those girls happened to be a stripper he met at the strip club. He got her number after a lap dance and they hung out and slept together a few times. No big deal; again doesn’t matter to me because we weren’t together. But now I struggle with the idea of him going to the strip club. I will have to be honest and say that I would struggle with the idea of him going anyways because with past SO’s I tended to be pretty jealous and I don’t care for the idea of it, but I gave in because I get it was probably my self confidence issues holding up their outings with friends. BUT with current SO, since he has went, got a lap dance, a number, then proceeded to see and sleep with this women, I get nervous about him going.
Would you ladies feel the same way due to his past? Or would you write it off and say it shouldn’t matter since he was single then and not now?
Post # 3
No. Not at all.
I think I would actually question his taste & health (as in STDs) if I ever found out he slept with a stripper.
Post # 4
@rachgirl82: It is funny you say that because questions about Save-The-Date Cards came right to mind when he told me. I don’t have much concern with his taste in women as it relates to this situation because she could very well be a nice girl. I don’t judge people for their career choices, but the STD thing did get brought up. Before we slept together (dispite his using condoms with her and me) I made him get an STD check.
Post # 5
I think it’d be fine. That was when he was single, now he is in a relationship.
Strippers are people too and can have loving relationships.
Just because she is a stripper does not mean she’s dirty.
It sounds like they actually dated (hung out a few times and slept together a few times) rather than him getting sex in the back of the strip club one time.
If he had met a girl who was a bartender at a local bar, hung out with her, and slept with her a few times would you ask him to stop going to bars?
Or if he met a girl teaching a spin class, hung out with her a few times, and slept with her a few times, would you want him to stop going to spin classes?
Post # 6
I voted “No” but it has more to do with the relationship than the stip club itself – my Fiance knows that I detest strip clubs. I think they’re dirty, I don’t understand the draw/desire, and it is completely beyond me why someone would want to look at a woman (who is only there to get their money) WITH other guys……weird weird weird.
Luckily, Fiance is the same way (he went once with a group of friends, thought the idea was dumb and a waste of money)…….
I guess it’s just weird to me.
Post # 7
@KatNYC2011: You do have a very valid point. I have never thought of it that way before so thank you for that perspective! I did feel better knowing they didn’t just hook up at the strip club. He did admit that he never pursued the relationship further because he didn’t think he could get used to the idea of the women he could potentially fall in love with dancing naked for other men. He has a jealous streak as well it seems.
Post # 8
@carroll2bee: Good! I wasn’t trying to insult your SO. I just hate strip clubs period. They gross me out.
Post # 9
Everyone does silly things when they are single (and on the rebound), I don’t think your SO should be punished for something he did a long time ago. However, on the flip side, knowing that he could find a stripper attractive would make me say no. Personally, my Fiance is disgusted by strip clubs, so I’m not too worried about him going. But if I knew that he had previously hooked up with a stripper (knowing that she is a stripper; not like he met her somewhere else and had no idea what her job is) I don’t think I would be okay with it.
Post # 10
I’m a minority on the boards, but yes I would be ok. If he hooked up with a nurse or doctor,would it be a problem for him to go get a physical?
What about a gym instructor ? No gym time? What about a concert ? Musicaican or fan is that still a problem.
I don’t think it would matter to me , since my fi would have Been single and now he’s not . It depends ob how much you trust your fi. I would talk to him though. Since If you are not comfortable with him going that’s fine too . Tell him what you are ok with and what your not, ie, our rules are no touching period and no hotel parties.
Eta: don’t assume he KNOWS where the line is. Guys plus their friends plus alcohol= stupid. Lol
Post # 11
When Fiance was young and wild he did hook up with someone who happened to be a stripper, among a variety of other women. It never crossed my mind to be against him going to strip clubs probably because of his attitude towards them- doesn’t really enjoy them, waste of money, only goes when it’s for something with his friends. Now that you bring it up, I understand why you might care, but I don’t.
Post # 12
@carroll2bee: Wait, is it the SAME strip club where the woman he hooked up with worked, and does she still work there? That information affects my answer.
Post # 13
I think I’d be hesitant, but I wouldn’t stop him from going. I’d tell him my concerns, and let him make the final call. If you’re marrying him, you probably already trust him, and he hasn’t done anything to break your trust. If you’re okay with it, then it’s fine. If you’re not okay with it, that’s fine too. But you need to be honest with him about how you feel before the party, and figure out a game plan that works for both of you.
Post # 14
regardless if my Fiance hooked up with a stripper before he met me or not, i consider strip clubs cheating. So either way it would make no difference to me…. i made it very clear when we first started dating that i am against them and there has never been an issue…
Post # 16
@KatNYC2011: Agree, if he met a girl at work and slept with her would you be okay with him going to work? If he picked up someone at the grocery store would he still be allowed to go there?
He was single at the time, he met a girl, got her number, and later slept with her, this happens all the time in all kinds of places. Not sure why it matters where they met, she wasn’t a prostitute, and plenty of women who aren’t strippers have Save-The-Date Cards so I don’t see how it is any worse than any of the other casual hookups he had during that time.