Post # 1
Member
1170 posts
Bumble bee
Would you want to know? Would you want them to tell you? Would you want them to keep it to themselves?
I hear so many bees tell people to mind their business, and to stay out of it…so what if your friends saw your FI/SO/DH cheating…would you want them to keep it to themselves or tell you.
My personal feeling is this. If someone saw my DH cheating on me or even looking remotely shady I would expect them to confront him, if not then they better come straight to me. Otherwise our friendship would be over.
I dont understand the stay out of it attitude especially if it could be your relationship in that situation.
Post # 3
Member
4520 posts
Honey bee
I would want them to tell me they needed help burying his body
Post # 4
Member
9948 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
I VOTED – YES ABSOLUTELY
You aren’t a GOOD FRIEND (true friend to me) IF you have this info and keep it from me.
IF I found out later on… down the road… THAT PERSON would be in bigger sh!t than my man.
In that…
He’d be gone… and so would they.
He might be able to “become my friend” again at some point
(realizing that our relationship didn’t work out)
BUT the friend, would NEVER be my friend again ever.
Post # 5
Member
405 posts
Helper bee
i would most DEFINITELY want to know. i would be so insulted and even more hurt if someone knew but didn’t tell me. i expect my friends and my family to have my back and look after me as i do them. would it be a hard/awkward conversation? absolutely. but i think it’s worse NOT saying something than saying something.
Post # 6
Member
1474 posts
Bumble bee
I would want to know. And as my friend, I would expect them to tell me!
It’s different if its someone that is simply an acquaintance or a stranger I would not expect them to say anything to me.
But I feel that a friend/relative should let you know the truth.
Post # 7
Member
1540 posts
Bumble bee
I couldn’t imagine a true friend would keep that to themselves. If I found out that they knew SO cheated on me and watched us get married (or just be together), I could never talk to them again.
A relationship is serious, and not a game.
Post # 8
Member
1170 posts
Bumble bee
I agree with all the sentiments posted thus far, which brings me to another question. Why do so many here on weddingbee tell others to mind their own business, stay out of it, your friend will hate you for telling them you saw their SO/FI cheating.
If it was your So/DH/FI cheating and your friend saw it, you would want to know but you advise others to stay out of it. Couldnt the same be said for your friends, they stayed out of it because they didnt want to be the messenger, it wasnt their business, they didnt want you to be mad at them?
Post # 9
Member
2552 posts
Sugar bee
I would want to know if they actually saw it happening A KISS OR SEX, not if they saw flirting/something that seems inappropiate/hugging/something that looks like kissing.
Post # 10
Member
2571 posts
Sugar bee
Um, yeah, I would definitely want to know. Even if I wasn’t too responsive and dismissive when first hearing the news, I would eventually come around and place an even higher value on you as a friend for telling me something I didn’t want to hear. I think many friends are afraid to tell their friends that their FI/DH/SO is cheating on them b/c the cheated on friend tends to see things with rose-colored glasses and wouldn’t want to believe it. Hence, if a friend tells you what your boo has been up to – believe her/him and don’t shoot the messenger.
Post # 11
Member
7638 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
@TexasSpringBride: “Why do so many here on weddingbee tell others to mind their own business, stay out of it, your friend will hate you for telling them you saw their SO/FI cheating.”
I can’t speak for others, but I always advocate telling if the person being cheated on is your friend. That’s what friends do, they look out for one another.
Where it gets trickier (and where I sometimes say “don’t tell”) is if the bee doesn’t really know the person being cheated on, and/or only knows the cheater. In the most recent example on Weddingbee, the cheater was the Bee’s fiance’s best friend (and Best Man). I still voted tell, though I’ve no idea how she could go about it. But only because she sort of knew the girl being cheated on. But usually, if you don’t know the person being cheated on, it’s better to stay out of it.
Post # 12
Member
3636 posts
Sugar bee
Lots of people vote not to tell because they say that the messanger will not be believed and will be a target for anger.
– I personally say that this is bullshit. You should do that right thing (what you would like done to you, if it was your SO) and be the bigger person. If it ends the friendship then it wasn’t a frienship worth having.
Post # 13
Member
3245 posts
Sugar bee
@TexasSpringBride: I totally agree with you. I would absolutely want them to intervene in the bad behavior, and to tell me!
Post # 14
Member
2949 posts
Sugar bee
I would be FURIOUS if they knew he was cheating and they didn’t tell me. In fact, if I saw one of my friends’ boyfriend/fiance/husband cheating, I’d take a pic as evidence and/or go over and slap them for betraying one of my girls.
