(Closed) If your parents are helping pay for the wedding, when do they give you the $?

posted 6 years ago in Money
  • poll: If your parents are paying for the wedding...when do they give you the money?
    They gave us a lump sum before the wedding : (32 votes)
    25 %
    They paid for stuff along the way : (90 votes)
    71 %
    The planned and paid for part of the wedding on their own : (3 votes)
    2 %
    They gave us a lump sum after the wedding : (1 votes)
    1 %
  • Post # 3
    1962 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: August 2012

    I would ask them how they want to do it. My FI’s parents are helping us a little. We just told them what we had to pay for. Once they told us which items on the list they wanted to help with we just let them know when we needed to make deposits/payments. 

    If you’re overseas they may want to send you a lump sum, a certain amount each month, or just have you know when things are due. If they want any input on decisions I’m guessing they’ll want to send it as time goes along so that they can give their opinions. Asking them is really the best way to go about it though.

    Post # 4
    5660 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: August 2012

    I didn’t vote as nothing matched me. My parents are divorced and each are contributing a set amt. Both have given me chunks of money along the way as I’ve asked for it. I could have had a lump sum but chose not to. I guess I felt like if I didn’t have it all in my possession there’s no way I would end up at the end without enough to pay, in other words, I didn’t want to be responsible for all that cash lol.  Although im a financially responsible adult – this wedding planning thing scares me and im always worried i didnt budget well enough and i wont have enough to pay all the vendors. I think I’d talk to them and see what they are comfortable with as well as what works for you.

    Also everyone’s parents are different, I personally know mine are responsible and I can count on them not to spend what theyve offered leaving me with big unplanned bills in the end. Not everyone I know has responsible parents and they have been better off taking what was offered up front.

    Post # 5
    942 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: July 2012

    I’ve just talked to mum along the way saying, we need to pay for ___ on ____ date and usually she’d just give me her CC details to pay. Mum is paying for the food at the restaurant as well so I just gave her the phone number of the  restaurant owner and he explained payment methods directly with her. it’s a nice way for them to be involved.

    Post # 6
    786 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: December 2014

    My parents are paying for the wedding and farewell brunch the next day (along with all the other little things that go along with that – welcome baskets for the hotel, transportation for guests, etc). They’re just planning with and paying vendors directly. They haven’t really told me exact amounts nor have they actually given me money to give to vendors. 

    For the rehearsal dinner, which my mother in law is hosting, she wired the entirety of the money to us because she lives overseas. We’re planning the whole thing as she really has no concept of what a rehearsal dinner is and no time to plan it. It was just easier for us to take care of everything here on our end, including payments (she doesn’t have a credit card with a US address and using foreign cards in the US often come with fees and/or restrictions and not sure how a foreign check would work…its just less complicated for us to do it).

    Post # 8
    2281 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: June 2012

    @AlwaysSunny: I’ve never heard of it all being reimbursed after the wedding – I’ve heard of it being reimbursed as it’s spent. But you do want to be careful with credit cards since the interest can add up and make it actually more expensive.

    My parents offered to pay what is a pretty small budget compared to most weddings – but it’s enough for us. They don’t want to be bothered with any of the planning, so they put the money in an account with a debit card and handed it over.

    Post # 9
    4464 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: February 2012

    My mom paid directly to the vendors as we went and since my father gave some help he have her that money in a few installment checks and then I guess she paid that toward her credit card I think. 

    Post # 10
    1346 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: November 2012

    Mine were VERY generous in giving us $12k. BUT it is not as easy as it sounds….. they are holding onto the money and i have to pretty much provide an essay on what we would like to spend the money on and why 🙁 (ok maybe not an essay but its begining to feel that way!!!)

    Post # 11
    3461 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: May 2012

    Yes, to all answers.

    My parents paid for things along the way (e.g. a deposit on the venue, as they live near it, my dress as they were with me when I got it).  They anticipate totaling out everything soon and writing a check for anything unspent (will be very small, because in their contribution they are including their costs for their hotel room, my grandmother’s hotel room, the two dresses my mom bought for the wedding, etc.)

    My husband’s dad sent us a few checks of the promised sum over ~4 months.  We thought we’d get it all at the end (and pay out for everything first, which was frustrating but not much we can do with it), but he came through with everything about 1-2 months before.  That said, we still had to pay out of pocket ourselves for many items as it came after all of the large things were paid off.

    We kept refusing my MIL’s money (she helped him in a lot of other ways, we didn’t want to take advantage), but she wrote us a check and gave it in a card the day after the wedding.

    ETA: Timing may vary based on age.  I think I read posts earlier which suggested that the parents of younger bees (low twenties) tended to pay for items, perhaps in an effort to help those bees budget, while the parents of older bees tended to give a lump sum.  fwiw, I’m 32, Fiance soon to be 37.

    Post # 12
    3182 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: May 2012

    My parents each gave us a lump sum before the wedding.  My Dad’s was only a couple of weeks before the wedding, my Mom’s was a few months before.  FIL gave us two checks after the wedding, one as a gift, one to help offset some of the costs. 

    Post # 13
    4150 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: November 1999

    My parents have just paid for things along the way.  When I need money for a payment, I let them know and they send me a check.

    Post # 14
    10287 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: October 2011

    My mom paid the largest portion of our wedding (that was gifted, at least) and she gave us the money about a month before the event. At first I thought this was a terrible idea but it actually ended up working out perfectly. Having all of that extra money right at the end when everything was coming due was incredibly helpful. Had she given it to us when we first started planning, it would have been spent almost immediately. Instead, we made the early payments ourselves and got to use her contribution at the end when the real financial stresses set in.

    My IL’s and other family members who contributed paid for certain elements and just covered the bills themselves. 

    Post # 15
    949 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: August 2012

    My parents are divorced and are both contributing. I’m in contact with my mom a fair bit about wedding planning, and she has either paid vendors directly or, like for my dress, paid me back directly right after I placed the order. My dad has stated an amount he wants to put towards things and I assume he’ll get that to me in the next couple of months, so I’ve allocated that money to payments that aren’t needed until later on.

    Post # 16
    10589 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: January 2011

    DH’s parents gave us money beforehand.  My parents paid for specific things as they came up.

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