(Closed) If your SO cheated, would you want to know? (spinoff)

posted 7 years ago in Relationships
  • poll: Would you want to know if your spouse or SO cheated?
    Yes, always. : (168 votes)
    75 %
    No, under no circumstances. : (4 votes)
    2 %
    No, as long as it was over. : (43 votes)
    19 %
    Other : (8 votes)
    4 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    2496 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: January 1991

    I would just because I hate having secrets between us.  He’s my best friend, and to withhold something THIS serious from me would be a huge breach of trust, even if he did break it off on his own.

    Not to mention that I would want to get tested for STD’s and make him do the same…

    Post # 4
    Member
    221 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: June 2012

    I would hate hiding something too.. or having it hidden from me. I would rather someone break it off with me then break it off with the other woman and not do it again. I have cheated and been cheated on.. but I couldn’t imagine hurting my Fiance. I would be devastated to ever find out he even kissed someone else.

    Post # 5
    Member
    6015 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: March 2012

     It’s my life so my choice to stay in the marriage or not after something like this.  If i don’t know about it how can i make fully informed choices.  My ENITRE life would be a lie, I would make choices based on quicksand …. and the time wasted in an obviously bad marriage that could possibly be fixed….

    besides i’d probably like to get tested for STD’s.

    Post # 6
    Member
    7770 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: July 2010

    A relationship is based on trust, communication, and honesty.  So- yes, of course.

    Post # 7
    Member
    1728 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: June 2014

    I would definitely want to know. From my viewpoint, if cheating occurs, the relationship is already doomed in many cases. So, I would want to know so I could move on. I would not want to live in ignorance.

    Post # 8
    Member
    1474 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: November 2011

    If it was a non-emotional, one-time thing, and he didn’t get any crazy diseases or get them pregnant or anything like that, I would NOT want to know. It would probably destroy our relationship over something that would never happen again.

    If it was emotional or on the regular (or he might do it again), I would DEFINITELY want to know, or I would want him to just leave me right then. This wouldn’t be healthy for our relationship. What if he got an STD or got someone preggo? ACKKK!

    Post # 9
    Member
    9824 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper

    I’d want to know so I could start the divorce and move on with my life. Because life is too short to be with someone who cheats.

    Post # 10
    Member
    437 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: October 2012

    Honestly, I had to choose “Other”

    A part of me would want to know… especially if it had an emotional element to it. I mean, if it was more than just a physical, one night kind of thing. But another part would just be devastated. It’s a case of “What I don’t know won’t hurt me.” I know that might sound kinda bad.

    So I really can’t answer this. I guess it depends on the situation.

    Post # 11
    Member
    400 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: March 2011

    @KatyElle: ditto.

    My ex-boyfriend cheated on me, and I found out the hard way. Obviously he didn’t respect me anyways, but in addition to worrying about Save-The-Date Cards I felt like such an IDIOT for not knowing for so long. As much as it would kill me to ever know, I’d like to hope my husband would never bring me the pain and humiliation of not only being cheated on, but being kept in the dark about it. I would want to know so I could divorce and move on!

    Post # 12
    Member
    1566 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: October 2012

    @KatyElle:Hell yes…exactly what I was thinking!!

    Post # 13
    Member
    1474 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: September 2011 - Bent Creek Winery (Livermore, California); Reception: Family Residence (San Ramon, California)

    I would definitely want to know, no matter what the circumstances. In the first place, I can’t imagine being in a healthy relationship where one person is hiding a huge piece of information. Relationships involve open communication, trust, and honesty, and so hiding something like infidelity doesn’t seem to really jive with that. Also, it takes two people to be in a relationship. If he cheats then decide he really does want to be with me, that’s great and all, but don’t I have a say? Shouldn’t I get to decide whether or not I want to make it work with someone who has betrayed me? I think it’s pretty presumptuous for a cheater to not tell their SO just because they’ve decided they want to be with their SO–the SO should have a say as well and should make their decision based on all the information. 

    If a relationship is going to survive something like infidelity, it requires a lot of work from both parties. One will need to work hard to earn their SO’s forgiveness and trust, and the other will need to learn to forgive and move forward. I can’t imagine rebuilding a healthy relationship any other way. So hiding and lying about infidelity seems like a selfish, cowardly, and unhealthy option, IMO.  

    Post # 14
    Member
    1227 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: October 2011

    I selected that I’d always want to know…and I keep rethinking my choice but coming to the same conclusion. I hate any type of secrets between me and my SO. For me, I know it’d probably ruin the relationship to find this out. But I’d still want to know.

    Post # 15
    Member
    558 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: June 2015 - Thorpewood

    I feel like if my boyfriend didn’t tell me he had cheated on me, I would feel disrepected beyond words.  I’ve been cheated on and didn’t find out until after the relationship.  It made me feel like shit and I would have much preferred to find out while I was still dating him instead of a year later from a mutual friend in general conversation because they thought I already knew.  Embarrassing.

    Post # 16
    Member
    10714 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: June 2012

    Yes I’d definitely want to know… if I had never found out about my ex Fiance cheating I’d still be stuck with him. If my Fiance cheats I’d want to know asap so I could stop wasting my time with him.

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