Did you have a timeline that was ignored?
Oh yea way too many – when I turned 30 then 31 32 got pregnant had the baby 33 and the other day my bday 34
Did you confront him, and if so what did he do in response?
He gets angry annoyed and confrontational – claims he wants to get married gives 100 reasons why – we don’t have the money he’s saving – he wants to plan a huge surprise – if the argument gets real heated he has told me reasons I’m not marriage material then he takes it all back apologizes says he only said those things in anger
Did you end up getting engaged, or did you end the relationship?
When I turned 34 the other day I looked in the mirror and I couldn’t recognize the person I used to be anymore – the amount of pain I feel for dedicating my life to this person is insane – I literally feel heartbroken pains in my chest – I cried my whole birthday and couldn’t get out of the bed and he watched me kept trying to console me and I told him to move out – I took his key to the house – the issue with us is that we have a 1 1/2 yr old and we had agreed to me staying home with me – I’m so scared to be alone – I’m not going to be able to get a job that pays enough for rent and daycare – I’m stuck and basically will be flag broke – I don’t trust anyone enough to watch my son except for 2 people -and I hate that I will have him in my life forever after this – and hate that some other woman will marry him and get to be around our son
If you ended up getting engaged, how long after the initial timeline did it happen?
we haven’t and we have dated for 7 years been waiting for 4 years now – he said he wanted to marry me 6 months into dating – always wanted kids and talks about having another one unwed – he calls me his wife and I remind him that I’m his gf – now I say soon to be ex gf – he keeps pushing for us to go on a vacation – and I tell him no because that should be our honeymoon – we’re supposed to be engaged remember??
Do you have any words of wisdom for those of us in this stage of waiting?
Im not sure I have any wisdom on this subject – I’ve dropped hints – read articles on this – done all that I could – bearing his child should have been enough for him to want to marry me – he had me pick out a cheap ring when we didn’t have the money – never bought it – had me again pick out a ring same thing – I thought it was because he was working so much and has a long commute to work – life got busy and he’s lazy – now I’m not sure if his intentions were ever legit
I feel like I got played it’s a joke – I have a huge c section scar and severe stretch marks on my stomach – I had long beautiful blonde hair and most of it fell out from stress and hormones after the pregnancy – I had to cut it short at my chin and I hate it – he hates it and told me so that makes me feel worse since it’s out of my control – I remember when I met him I was 27 super fit size 3/4 running 5 miles a day so happy I was a catch – now I’m really not – I’m a size 12 – idk if my post baby weight that I’m losing now has something to do with him being like this – if so then I don’t want him anyways – men still hit on me all the time @ post office supermarket bank etc but I feel so worthless and ugly like I can’t start over again – I don’t want to flirt I’m still so so stuck on my man that it would feel like cheating – who would want to be with me now? I’m broken – he’s started working even more he says to save for the ring but I feel in my heart it’s to avoid me and the baby – we have no ring picked out right now
I’ve taken this time to reevaluate my life and lift my self esteem back up – over the past 6 months I started working from home and I’m using him now to fund it – I take my son all over he place and live my life like I haven’t in a while – we went to a sunflower field – the farm – a winery – play funhouses – hiking – gardens – and now I’m going on a mini trip with him to visit a waterfall – I want to look back at this time period and feel like I lived not waited – and me and my son will have done so much
I’ve also become way more successful like a fire was lit inside me – I have more drive to better myself – I became an amateur photographer and I’m getting paid work now for product photography – I often feel proud of myself and eventually my self esteem will come completely back – some days I daydream about us and then I realize I’m being silly – because he’s not even thinking shout my needs and wants
He has said many times that the baby the car we own together and our long relationship is commitment.. that him giving me money shows he’s committed? that he’s fully committed and I tell him that this feels like your not – if he’s keeping his options open and won’t choose me as his one and only he’s the opposite of committed – this feels more like a betrayal – I’m so angry bitter resentful don’t be like me – stick to your timelines – I never ever wanted to push him into marrying me but I wish I had way way earlier so I would have realized sooner what I was dealing with – now I have my son I have to worry about and my SO only cares about what I’m planning on telling his family friends and our son about him some day – and I told him I’m telling them all the truth
Here is how to find out if your guy really wants to marry you – a great compromise no brainer – if money for the ring is the reason he is saying to wait – tell him to propose to you with ANY ring any junky POS ring – then you will go buy one together or save together – if he gives u 50 reasons why he can’t.. waiting for the right time, to finish school, to buy a house, get his career in order – if he won’t even do propose with a junky ring after some time there’s a huge huge underlying problem there – that you aren’t the one and he has second thoughts – and you need to pack your bags
You could go to the justice of the peace with him – make it easy and cheap if money if the issue – many men seem to not want to spend thousands on a ring – they think it’s impractical for the ring and the price of wedding halls etc
For us he was the one who said he wanted to pay for a small wedding w his family and picked out a few local places – I wanted to elope – go on a vacation somewhere and get married while away – he wants to go on vacation all the time anyways – he even told me to pick out our honeymoon spot which will end up being cheaper than having a wedding – wanted me to start planning it??? Told me I should start doing everything even buy a dress – He’s never even proposed! Can’t believe how much time has been wasted and I’m still here
Now we aren’t speaking to each other – told me I’m cryptic like a plague I need to shut up about this he needs to be taught how to be romantic that he doesn’t know how said I’m ruining the relationship ruining everything- which is fine he can twist it back on me like me wanting to marry him makes me some sort of monster – it just all seems like a big steaming load
if he were to magically propose tmw I would tell him no