(Closed) My family doesn't approve!!

posted 5 years ago in Emotional
Post # 2
Member
521 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2016

Part of my dad’s side doesn’t like my Fiance because of his ethnicity. I don’t deal with them anymore. They won’t come aroun and I genuinely don’t care. I won’t tolerate racism or being a jerk in general.  

Post # 4
Member
4016 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

My husband also considers himself agnostic and I was raised in a strong Catholic home. My parents have never been thrilled that he’s not active in church (and honestly since we’ve been married the past year, I’ve fallen off too), but they recognize that he is a good man who loves and provides for me which is truly all they could ask for. My husband is willing to go to church with me sometimes but he’s definitely not an every Sunday kind of guy. The biggest difference is that we didn’t live together before we got married because I have strong personal objections to it based on how I was raised. My parents respected him a lot more when they realized he never pressured me to do something I was morally/religiously against and that he never questioned my religious beliefs and has always been accepting of them. I guess my best advice would just to continue bombard them with little things that he does on a daily basis that makes him a good person. Working them into conversations might help. But at the end of the day, only you have to approve of your relationship. If you know he’s a good man and  you two have strong compatibility and similar beliefs in other areas that’s what really matters. You cant make everyone happy. 

Post # 5
Member
256 posts
Helper bee

View original reply
katejohn2012:  My mom and stepdad are the same way (super hardcore Christian). We aren’t engaged yet, but it’s to the point where I told my boyfriend when he’s ready to propose, not to bother asking for permission because I’d worry my stepdad would say no!

My boyfriend has struggled with his faith due to family stuff and loss growing up. But whenever my mom starts going off on a tangent, I just make it clear that my faith remains the same as it was before my boyfriend.

It’s a struggle but you and your Fiance are now a family and you have to choose your Fiance over your parents if you want your marriage to succeed. You can’t put your life on hold just because others won’t get on board. Hopefully they’ll get over it and rejoin you soon. Sorry, bee.

Post # 6
Member
2118 posts
Buzzing bee

You aren’t a child, your family needs to accept your decision.

My SO was a Jehovahs Witness and he left the church when his first marriage ended. His family and friends (all part of the church) shunned him but he stayed true to himself and built a new life for himself.

Slowly his family is coming around (they even had a coffee with us the other day when dropping the children home from a visit). It takes time and there are never any promises but you need to stay true to yourself and live the life you want to lead.

 

Post # 8
Member
51 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: August 2016

I’m sorry Bee  Do your parents have reasons why they don’t like him?

Post # 9
Member
67 posts
Worker bee

Similiar deal here, except I am agnostic and though his family didnt say they disliked me for it, you could tell they werent happy about it. Gave a big talking to my husband when he told them he was going to propose to me. My husband was raised very christian but never went to church or anything like that as an adult. He is an atheist now for his own reasoning and I think they blame me deep down. We all get along though, they have learned to love and respect me. We have been together 10 years now and that really is never even brought up very often and if it is we can talk about it openly and respectfully to a certain extent lol. Im sure they will eventually get over it, just give them time. Good luck and congratz on your engagement!

Post # 10
Member
1153 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2017

View original reply
katejohn2012:  Man, I’m so sorry you are going through this! The only thing I can see as reasonable hesitation for your parents is the way your religious views line up. I know a lot of people say that some of the top 5 reasons marriages end include money, infidelity, and religion (I can’t remember the rest and don’t know if they’ve changed over the years). It might be hard later on down the road if you want your SO to be more active in your spiritual life, or if you two decide to have children later and are figuring out what beliefs to raise them with.

Now I am saying that I see this being a possible reason for concern from your parents, but I am not saying that because of these reasons they shouldn’t support you. And I do think that with differing religious beliefs, marriage can totally work! It just might take more effort in some areas for certain couples. I wish you the best of luck and hope that your parents can see all the wonderful things that you see in your fiance.

Post # 11
Member
79 posts
Worker bee

View original reply
katejohn2012:  I haven’t spoken to my family in almost a year (a year in February), and while there was much that went into that decision, a part of it was that they would never accept my BF. While it hurt at first with so many lost future memories, I can truly say that I am so happy that I chose him and he is absolutely everything to me. He is the best thing that has ever happened to me, and I will not have my family tear us apart or hurt him in any way.

I wish you the very best in whatever you decide, and I hope that everything will work out.

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