(Closed) If you're not happy with me, then maybe we should just end things altogether!

posted 3 years ago in Relationships
Post # 16
5778 posts
Bee Keeper

View original reply
BalletParker :   “I pity the woman he does marry.”

Ditto. He seems to think marriage is a money-draining risk for the man and a sweet cushy deal for the woman, so no wonder a guy has to weigh his options carefully while the woman tries to sink her claws in. undecided

Ugh, he sounds outdated, punitive, and condescending AF. 

Post # 17
11376 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2015

View original reply
RobbieAndJuliahaha :  someone needs to send guys like this a link to the studies showing that marriage benefits men the most. 

From harvard health:


A major survey of 127,545 American adults found that married men are healthier than men who were never married or whose marriages ended in divorce or widowhood. Men who have marital partners also live longer than men without spouses; men who marry after age 25 get more protection than those who tie the knot at a younger age, and the longer a man stays married, the greater his survival advantage over his unmarried peers. But is marriage itself responsible for better health and longer life?


“Not marrying or cohabiting is less detrimental among woman than men,” said Dr George Ploubidis, a population health scientist at the UCL Institute of Education.

“Being married appears to be more beneficial for men.”

Post # 18
2231 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: February 2016

He views marriage as insurance, not a commitment. Do you view marriage as a commitment? Because if so, that’s a massive incompatibility issue. 

Hes also told you that his priority is himself. He’s never going to make you a priority or even a joint priority with himself.

I am not against marriage, I’m just looking out for my best interests and the only thing I’m doing is being very cautious before signing that contract,  but if I’m not sure  that you are  marriage material then it’s wise to tread lightly and franky you should think twice before why are you so insistent on marrying me?”

I’m sorry but this guy is not someone I would want to spend the rest of my life with.

Post # 19
940 posts
Busy bee

Sounds like a complete asshole.

“If it’s about you wanting to fulfill your fairytale then keeps bringing it up isn’t gonna get you the ring anytime soon. ” simply this sounds arrogant and stupid already. Like holy shit wtf who comes up with that???

Post # 20
124 posts
Blushing bee

My ex bf and I just went through this I’m 27 he’s 29. we dated for 2 years and I got tired of waiting for him to “get a feeling that I’m the one” we ended up breaking up just 2 months ago. It’s almost a relief I don’t have to have any anxiety wondering when I’ll be good enough to marry. Waiting around for him to make up his mind. Now I can’t wait for the one to find me and know that I’m worth it without stringling me along for 2 years before he decides he  isn’t sure and leaves.

Post # 21
2332 posts
Buzzing bee

Ok. You 100% Have a MRA/PUA POS on your hands. 

This whole “I’m a man with valuable investments, and you are probably just after me for those” is a CLASSIC MRA talking point.

And “you’re not marriage material” is CLASSIC PUA “negging.”

“You should just leave if I’m not giving you what you want” is called “holding frame.” These men see girlfriends “nagging” for marriage as “shit tests.”

Please take some time to read these Reddit subforums and google the terms I used above, and look at the bigger picture. 

Far from marrying this guy, you should be dumping him and leveling up to someone who won’t play games in an attempt to manipulate you and feel better about himself.




Post # 22
798 posts
Busy bee

If someone doesn’t “know” they want to marry you after 3 years they don’t want to marry you. When someone tells you who they are believe them. Time to move on bee. 🙁 

Post # 24
772 posts
Busy bee

I was skeeved out by his attitude while reading, but then I got to “I have a house and some good investments and I just cannot risk getting married unless I’m 100% convinced” and my jaw dropped.

He literally said that marrying you would be a risk.

He can take his house and his “good investments” and shove them.

Post # 25
838 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2020

Nope, I’d be out the door once he started with that “I am a high value man and women are after my money” repiller crap.

Maybe that sort of attitude doesn’t bother you OP, but even it doesn’t, I think he has made it clear to you that he is not going to consider marriage when you are not the 10/10 woman this high value man thinks he deserves. 

Post # 26
356 posts
Helper bee

“If you’re not happy with me then maybe we should end things altogether”

So, you know that statement is just a way to minimize your feelings and turn it around to make this about HIM and that its YOUR fault. Oh, and your feelings are wrong. You’re allowed to have feelings, he’s trying to invalidate them and blame you for the problem. NO. HE is the problem. I was with a guy like this. He was a narcissist. Anytime I called him out on some bad behavior of his, he wound up turning it around and making it my fault that I had the audacity to have feelings. And I wound up apologizing to him and he would get his way, kept me around without having to change bad behavior.

 He doesnt want to marry you. Hopefully you find the strength to not want to marry him either and get out.

Post # 27
657 posts
Busy bee

He’s lying. He is totally anti-marriage.

Given how he speaks, using terms like insurance investments, etc., I would be surprised if he would ever “marry” somebody for commitment as much as for financial reasons like a tax break or a financial safety net. Men can be gold diggers too! 

I wonder what he would say if you suggested a pre-nup (if you’re ok with a pre-nup.) What would be his excuse then? 

Post # 28
1349 posts
Bumble bee

He thinks very highly of himself, and not very much of you.

Youve asked him and he’s answered, if I were you I would cut my losses and run. What are you getting out of this situation? 


Post # 29
528 posts
Busy bee

View original reply
exis001 :  Tell him that

(1) you won’t need a ring,

(2) you’ll sign a prenup that will allow him to keep his precious home and investments, and

(3) you’ll get an officiant and witnesses without a ceremony and all he has to do is show up.

See what he says to that.

I bet his response will be, “Oh, I want to do it the traditional way and need to save for a ring,” or “Oh, I want to do it the traditional way and I need to ask for your father’s approval, which some reason I can’t do until Thanksgiving 2018,” or “Oh, I need to do some repairs around the house first and can’t afford to save for the traditional ceremony that we should have.”

And then when you’re so excited for having him do it the traditional way as he might insist and keep waiting and waiting, he might just say, “Oh, why do you keep nagging? I told you I’ll propose but I want it to be a surprise. See? You ruined it, and now I need to wait until 2050!”

Basically, what I’m trying to say, Bee, is that even if you can somehow convince this guy to agree to marrying you, I don’t think he wants to and could just drag you on and on for years.

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