(Closed) If you’re not saying vows, how do you personalize the ceremony?

posted 8 years ago in Ceremony
Post # 3
4485 posts
Honey bee

Legally, you are required to say something declaring your intentions to marry each other willingly. While most ceremony scripts consider the declaration of intent and vows to be completely different things, most people don’t when it comes down to it.

You can personalize your ceremony however you want. If you are having a religious ceremony in a church or if a justice of the peace is your officiant, you will have to follow a certain script and not be able to stray from that. Otherwise, include whatever makes both of you happy that reflects who you are, not what someone else expects you to be. You and your fiance are the ones who decide what the ceremony will consist of (with the officiant’s feedback of course if there are any requirements to be met).

Be aware that when the officiant performs the ceremony, it will be longer than simply reading it from beginning to end. So you should easily be able to have a 10 min ceremony.

Is there a poem or passage in a book that has meaning to your relationship? Be creative with it. If you don’t want to include anything, then don’t feel obligated to just because other people have certain expectations and desires that don’t match yours.

Post # 4
944 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2009

Ya know, initially I thought it would be nice to have my Fiance and I prepare some words to say to each other right before we say the traditional vows—-and then I realized that will probably add to my tears even more and I’d be a heeping pile of kleenex, lovely!  I think we are going to include the guest vows that some people do because according to some brides it’s amazing to hear all the guests say “we do” at the same time!  There’s also hand fasting or a sand ceremony you could do too?  Or, what about having someone else, not you guys, read a favorite short poem or something?  I know one gal let people speak up during the ceremony (I think they call it a Quaker ceremony) where people speak about the bride and groom and stuff—look into that if it sounds like anything you’d like.  I think people mention in their invites they will have an open floor ceremony or something.

That’s all I got! Sorry 🙁

Post # 5
1585 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

We are having traditional vows…not writing our own (I am not creative)

BUT… one of our friends got ordained and is marrying us.  My youngest sister (co-moh) wrote the ceremony.  So I think that this balances out the more traditional route that we have chose with the vows.

Post # 6
835 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

u could have the officiant say a poem that you two like, or a poem that speak to your love…..

Post # 7
2205 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2009

what about asking a friend (or hiring an acquaintance) to sing a song if a reading isn’t your thing?

Post # 8
516 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2010

Maybe by song?

Post # 9
1562 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

we are doing the traditional vows – but i also wanted something personal – so we are doing a sand ceremony, which you can find tons of “scripts” for online – my minister and I re-wrote one I found online to be as personal/close to my church as possible – BUT you can totally find non-religious sand ceremonies:

here’s mine:


Post # 10
1269 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

We wrote our vows- but the officiate will be reading them- and all we have to say is We Do– otherwise I would be a sobbing mess-  I cant even think about the words wiritten without getting teary eyed- and its 5 months out still

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