(Closed) "If you're not wearing white, can I?"

posted 4 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 2
Member
289 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

RobbieAndJuliahaha:  I think it’s weird. And I think she’s bold for asking. But yeah, definitely weird and I wouldn’t want anyone wearing white even if I wasn’t!

But that’s just me lol

Post # 3
Member
7418 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2014

Nah, none of this will look weird. In real life, we don’t usually walk around in uniforms if we’re not at work (and many of us don’t wear uniforms to work either) and we are used to some people looking a bit overdressed and some looking a bit underdressed. No one cares really, unless someone’s attire is outrageous– as in, extreme fashion and not just someone who is a little overdressed.

 FWIW I think the whole “no one wears white except the bride” thing is silly in the first place and I think it’s time to let that tradition die out. Really who cares what color someone is wearing? Just another insignificant detail that people get completely petty over.

Post # 4
Member
2076 posts
Buzzing bee

Regardless of what anyone else wears, you will still stand out because you are the bride.  No one will be confused.  If people think it is weird that your friend is wearing white when you aren’t, then on well.  But guests should be allowed to wear whatever color they want.

The only way I think this would be weird is if she showed up in a full wedding ballgown, train and all.

Post # 5
Member
9224 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2013

i think it is weird and strange that she asked.  but i have been to a few weddings in the past couple of years where a handful (total) of guests have worn all white or ivory dresses.  they weren’t in the wedding party and i didn’t confuse them with the bride.  i just thought it strange.

Post # 6
Member
2871 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2015

Who asks that?! Random. If you are okay with her rocking it, go for it. Hopefully she doesn’t spill a vodka cranberry or something on herself.

Post # 7
Member
1326 posts
Bumble bee

The people are there to see you… it’s a strange tradition that other people won’t let guests wear white… do they think people won’t know who the bride is? 

Once upon a time, the bridesmaids all used to wear white too, to confuse evil spirits about which lady was the bride. Isn’t it strange how “traditions” change for no obvious reason? 

I wouldn’t care to be honest, but it depends how you feel about it. None of us can tell you how you feel. 

Post # 8
Member
3010 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2008

I’m of the school of, “Let your friends and family be as tacky and narcissistic as they want; it will  reflect badly on them, not you.” I do think it’s weird and inappropriate to wear white or red to a wedding if you are not the bride, but it’s not worth it to create a stink over it. 

I am really surprised that your guest would even ask this. If it were me, I’d say, “Should I avoid wearing pink as well? Oh, and what color are your BMs wearing, so I won’t accidentally match?” Because weddings are about the couple, and not about me. 

Post # 9
Member
2160 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

Two girls wore ivory to my wedding… my dress was ivory. I didn’t care though.. their dresses were short and it was pretty clear who was the bride 🙂 I’d let her wear what you want, but personally I wouldn’t wear white to someone elses wedding.. I think it’s weird.

Post # 10
Member
7851 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2010

For my second wedding I wore a real dress and my best friend wore a white dress with a black floral print. Everyone knew I was the bride.

Post # 11
Member
660 posts
Busy bee

i think it’s weird she asked. i get it, no one will be confused as to who is the bride, the color isn’t important, guests should wear what they want… but like, its YOUR wedding. it’s not about her. “can i wear white to your wedding if you aren’t” is like asking “can i wear your birthday hat at your birthday party because you don’t want to?” there are 100000 colors in the world, pick another for just one day.

i think your response back to her was great, haha

Post # 12
Member
963 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2016

LOL I wanted to wear a blush dress, and still would not have wanted anyone to wear white. But I guess if your dress is fancy, and hers is not as fancy, you will be fine.

Post # 13
Member
1700 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

I’m on team whatever makes your best friends/wedding party happy if they ask you first and accept your honest preferences, barring them wearing a bridal gown. 

Post # 14
Bee
96 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: Backyard Forest

Kind of a weird question to ask someone. It’s very bold!

I went to a wedding once where the invitation asked guests to dress in black and white, and the bride wore a deep red dress. It was her second wedding, and it was SO fun. All the guests matched and wore a variety of spins on black and white (most women wore a LBD). 

FWIW, I think it’s okay to say to something to her. I would likely make a joke, “You can wear white if you want, but a few people might think you’re the bride if you’re the only person in white!”

Post # 15
Member
4823 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

RobbieAndJuliahaha:   This very old fashioned bee still believes no guest should wear a color lighter than the bride – let alone white.  

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