Post # 46
I know that this is a tender subject and there was probably a better place and way to say it, but hang on a second. I read engagedandnormal’s post (I agree she probably could have picked a better handle) and what I got out of it is that she was asking if pre-planning, or whatever you want to call it, is typical. That’s not a ridiculous question, I think it’s just a sensitive subject and it made you feel defensive. There’s not really any need for that. Just an explanation that yes it is fairly common and some reasons why you do it would have sufficed.
Think of it this way, what if she had only ever been to weddings with open bars but then attended one with a cash bar. Having never come across that phenomenon before, she came on here and asked if cash bars are normal. Would you have reacted the same way? I doubt it. (Of course a whole different cash vs. open bar debate would have flared up but that’s besides the point. 🙂 )
I don’t think she was trying to storm on your parade, it’s just a foreign concept to her. However, engagedandnormal, you might want to be a bit more tactful next time.
P.S. Can’t wait to hear how it all went, Iggie!
P.P.S. Wedding “stalking” is a new term to me too. I was expecting something not nearly so cheerful when I saw the title to this post!
Post # 47
I just wanna say that I love love LOVE the stalker threats and with that I would have been on WB before I got engaged! I got engaged and then became obsessed with all things weddings and (thank goodness!) found wedding bee 🙂
Post # 48
@caitlanc- I appreciate that you’re trying to be a peacemaker and such but I think that engagedandnormal’s post went a bit beyond an innocent question. Let’s take a look:
“this is so weird to me. The whole waiting to be asked obsession. Is this the “norm”? I have been here a few months and hate that you can not simply neg or plus a post that you agree or don’t agree with.
Instead I had to make a new handle to come ask. I saw a post earlier of a girl who sent her BF a ring picture. And others planning stuff without even being engaged. That is so weird to me. Am I the only one?? I hope nothing is said, simply because people can’t be anonymus here.
I find it odd all the girls obsessions with being asked, to the point that they harrass their poor boyfriends and join wedding sites.”
In one short post she did a lot more than ask the question… she came into a forum where most of the people ARE waiting and on a wedding website and told them all that she thinks they are weird… 3 times! She also stated that they are harrassing their “poor” boyfriends… this is not innocent it is inflammatory.
I think that weddingbee is the nicest, warmest, most inclusive site I’ve ever been a part of and I think its our duty to keep it that way. It isn’t about censorship, but rather being respectful of other peoples’ opinions and not attacking people. Honestly considering the forum if she doesn’t agree with ladies in waiting on a wedding website I would suggest she simply keep her mouth shut and focus on one of the 20+ other forums here. If she absolutely HAD to say something though I think she could have done it in a far more tactful way than calling these awesome ladies weird, odd, and harrassing.
Just my 2cents 🙂
Post # 49
I personally like that you can’t be anonymous because the girls on here are building friendships. The only reason someone would want it to be anonymous is because they only have mean snarky things to say and are too big of a weiner to take credit for it. Not only are you a miserable person (probably inside and out) but you want to hide behind you computer while you fire bomb people and try to bring them down with you.
On a lighter note Good luck Iggie!!!!!!
Post # 50
@semanthia- lol @ weiner… am i a 10 year old boy bc that made me giggle?? hehe
Post # 51
Girls, this is not the thread for talking about that post. Get excited for Iggie!
Post # 52
haha i don’t mind. i think it’s funny that engagedandnormal felt the need to express her dislike for pre-planning women on my thread! i’m not sure exactly what she was hoping to gain by posting it, since it wasn’t really a question and she posted on the WAITING board. haha. i like that a few engaged and married women have posted their experiences on here too about pre-planning. i totally agree that it’s a societal norm to get married and when that seems to happen for everyone around you, but not you, you start to feel out of place and want it that much more! in that book, his cold feet, the author mentions how our lives are all about competition (i’m sure most women buy expensive handbags because they want to show that they can own one, not because it’s that much better than any other bag) and wanting to get married is just one of those competitions that occurs at some point in our life. this doesn’t ring true for everyone, but i believe this is definitely how the majority of us feel at some point.
Post # 53
@ Iggies – so tell us – what are the plans for today? When are you going to see him? Are you doing anything special or are you completely in the dark?
Are you going crazy right now?
Post # 54
Oooh – Great idea for the popping the Q stalking thread. Good luck Iggie — sending you awesome vibes!!!
I think we need to start one for Honeybear too cuz every Monday the 1st thing I do, before checking email or FB is come to see if it’s happened yet. 😉
I’m with KM, this isn’t the thread to address the waiting topic. This is the – Yaaay be psyched for Iggie thread… we shouldn’t Bogart it for another discussion.
Post # 55
i just want to say thanks again everyone for your love! i’m seriously hoping that he isn’t pulling my leg! i’ll take his computer for my own! haha.
@Mrs.Martin – i am going crazy today! i’m a grad student at the same university that he is at and i had lunch with him and the whole time i was thinking about it! i’ve been trying to keep my mind off of it by doing my work in the library, but i keep getting distracted. i’m reading a paper for class, but it’s so confusing and every time i look something up on the internet about it i get sidetracked here. haha. we are going out for dinner tonight, but he’s told me that he’s not proposing in public. i have absolutely no clue. he gave me some weird hint last night about how it’s easier if i’m just not around our house for a little while so he could get things set up, whatever the heck that means. luckily today i have an appt before dinner, so i won’t be home until after 5 pm. he can take his sweet time doing whatever he has planned. i’m pretty sure that it will happen today. i think he wants it to happen before thanksgiving, so we can talk about it with our families this weekend. yay!
Post # 56
I’m with KMSull. Negativity comes from both sides and we don’t need those vibes on this thread! Or on the boards in general!
Let’s have some good thoughts for Iggie!
Post # 57
@Corgi… could not have said this better!!!
But KM is right. That inconsiderate person had no right to bombard this happy little thread and we probably shouldn’t perpetuate it taking over any more than it already has.
Hooray for Iggs!
Post # 58
Oooh Iggies this is so exciting! He’s probably going to do it when you guys get home from dinner tonight! How fun and romantic!! I still say that the day I got engaged was by far the happiest day of my life
@engagedandnormal – I have to say that posting anonymously is cowardly. Why not stand by your comments if you’re going to make them? I see where you’re coming from in that this isn’t the “norm” where you come from, but there are a ton of planners out there. Most “normal” couples will talk to each other about marriage before the question is popped, and I fully encourage that. There are things that need to be ironed out prior to spending the rest of your life with someone, and talking about marriage, children and your future before it happens is the mature thing to do. That’s what I consider the “norm”. Whether that happens in 6 months (or less!) or 6 years (or more!) depends upon the couple and where they are in their lives. I don’t think that there is a “norm” when it comes to the proposal. The bees on here have shown me that engagements happen in all shapes and sizes, with or without a ring, with a diamond or another fabulous stone.
I for one have been married for 2 years, and wish I had know about this wedding webiste during my engagement. It would have been incredibly helpful! A friend introduced it to me during her engagement process, and since wedding planning would be my dream job, I though this is was the closest thing I could get to without actually quitting my job and becoming a wedding planner. I love this site and it’s support system. You don’t have to only talk about weddings either! And again, though I’m married, I have to say that I’ve been welcomed beyond belief here, and hope to offer support and advice to those bees either waiting, engaged or married.
That’s my norm.
Post # 59
iggie! reading your post made me very happy that i was shocked OUT OF THE BLUe with a proposal – i can’t imagine trying to do ANYTHING in your spot today except think WHEN WHEN WHEN! haha. GOOD LUCK and of course, post back. I was all over Corgi’s vacation, and i’m not even a regular on the waiting board.
Post # 60
@melissa – you have no idea how much i wished he would have just surprised me one of these last few months! i keep thinking that he’s just goofing with me and that he’s not going to ask today, which is fine, but now i’m excited about it finally! he keeps saying that it’s important which day he does it and that i’ll see why when it happens. i know he’s not planning anything big (his words) so i hope i don’t disappoint anyone with my potentially boring (but meaningful to me) story! haha. so many people have such great engagement stories on here, i’ll be hard to beat them!