(Closed) Ignore the naysayers.

posted 5 days ago in Waiting
Post # 2
Member
5398 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: January 2017

Well… Yay? He missed deadlines, you went through so much stress with the waiting and disappointments, heartbreaking really. Here’s to hoping everything goes more smoothly for you from now on.

Post # 3
Member
1181 posts
Bumble bee

Congratulations on your engagement bee – that’s a beautiful ring.

I have to say though, your last thread (a full year ago) about your frustration with waiting had some really concerning things in it.

Things your partner said to you 12 months ago when you confronted him about missing his OWN deadline: 

“You’re being crazy”

”You’re being a diva”

”You’re in a depressive state right now”

”Why can’t you see I’m already committed”

”Remember that argument we had a few months ago which was completely irrelevant? Our relationship isn’t perfect enough see!”

”I’d only be doing it now because I felt like I had to”

”I don’t have a ring right now or any plans to.” “Why?” “I just don’t.”

You’re right that the people on these boards don’t know your relationship – we only know what you tell us. And the things you’ve told us about your partner and the way he treats you are pretty ugly. For your own sake, I hope you went to counseling or something to work through all of this over the course of the last year. I hope the good outweighs the bad, and that you truly are happy with this man – not just settling.

Post # 4
Member
3214 posts
Sugar bee

View original reply
elisa24 :  “Only you know what is best for you,”

Not necessarily true. If that were the case, we would all make the right – and frequently hard – decisions. We act sometimes based on wishful thinking, denial, wrong assumptions, all the while believing the course of action taken is the best. And sometimes, people on the periphery of our lives see things more clearly and dispassionately. To understand this is wise and humble.

Post # 5
Member
4952 posts
Honey bee

If you’re holding up your relationship as a shining example for others, please put it down.

Post # 6
Hostess
9127 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: Dorset, UK

Ok bees, let’s keep these comments nice and congratulatory or move on. I get it, but I don’t want to have to close this thread.

Congratulations OP,  beautiful ring 🙂 

 

Post # 7
Member
12792 posts
Honey Beekeeper

Speaking in general, not to you, the “prize” isn’t a ring or marriage. It’s a healthy relationship that will last. OP, best wishes. 

Post # 8
Member
2817 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2017 - Courthouse

Congrats! Your ring is beautiful. 

While it’s nice to see someone who struggled a little bit getting engaged, I wouldn’t necessarily tell other Bees to stick it out or ignore everyone’s advice. I would say what happened with you is the exception to the rule, not the rule. What I mean is that 9/10 if a man is really hesitating to propose, won’t ring shop, won’t talk about your future or won’t make any moves—he is NOT going to propose. That’s great that you got your happy ending, I just don’t think most situations like yours end up well. 

im really glad it worked for you though. Happy planning! 

Post # 9
Member
1266 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2019

These board encourage women to take control of their own lives and insist on a 50/50 split in the decision to get engaged and spend your lives together. I know for a fact that women on waiting threads tell the OP to do everything she can to talk to her partner in a mature calm and confident manner about getting engaged. Telling an OP to leave her boyfriend is only suggested when her attempts at a healthy conversation with that person  who claims to  love and want to marry her is met with a refusal to discuss, mean unkind words or outright anger. 

And quite frankly that advice is completely logical and correct. Someone that wants to marry a person doesn’t get angry and attempt to gaslight that person. Instead they listen, compromise, and make a plan TOGETHER. 

So no, women on here don’t get advice to “just leave and dump” their partners. They get support and scripts for how to have important conversations with their partner about engagement. And it’s only if/ when the partner refuses to consider the wants and feelings of their other half do we suggest leaving. 

I am glad your engaged now, wish you a happy marriage. I hope in that marriage you learn to advocate for yourself more. 

Post # 10
Member
1194 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: City, State

 Gosh, bee. I just reread your original post.  YOU painted your current fiancee in that light.  Why on earth would anyone advise any person to stay in a relationship that appears so fundamentally flawed?

If you paint a picture of a horse, you can’t get upset that people see a horse.  The man you described didn’t take your feeling seriously, lied to you and took you for granted. 

Good luck on your attempt to craft a bright future with him.  At the very least, that’s a pretty ring. 

Post # 11
Member
971 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2020

I hope he treats you right. Wishing you the best.

Post # 12
Member
9 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: February 2021

View original reply
elisa24 :  I had to read your posts from a year ago to even know why you’re even saying this, but it looks like YOU came HERE to vent about YOUR man and lack of commitment from him, didn’t like the responses, so you held it in for a year only to come back HERE and bash us? MMM. OK. 

I think he was right, you might be a tad crazy and a diva. 

Post # 13
Member
442 posts
Helper bee

Congratulations on your engagement! Beautiful ring!

Post # 14
Member
567 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2019

That is a lovely ring.  I wish you a lifetime of happiness.  

Post # 15
Member
1123 posts
Bumble bee

Argh!  The nisayers!  I mean naysayers!

The topic ‘Ignore the naysayers.’ is closed to new replies.

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