(Closed) Ignore the naysayers.

posted 2 years ago in Waiting
Post # 16
Member
658 posts
Busy bee

A pretty ring won’t solve fundamental problems in your relationship. Sounds to me like your fiance completely gaslighted you, but now you feel you’ve won your ‘prize’ and so everything is suddenly fine?

For your sake I hope so but I wouldn’t be so quick to tell the bees ‘I told you so’. 

Post # 17
Member
16 posts
Newbee

Yikes, bee. I understand the waiting period can be frustrating and emotional (as I am a waiting bee myself), but I don’t think it’s necessary to bash posters on these boards who (generally) have the best intentions. I wish you all the happiness in your future marriage, truly. 

Post # 18
Member
630 posts
Busy bee

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elisa24 :  I hope he’s changed. And no, sometimes you don’t know what’s right for you or there would be a lot less stupid mistakes in the world

Post # 19
Member
8409 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

Congratulations bee. Do you have a date set? Or has he already started delaying due to the covid and all?

Post # 20
Member
9758 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

Two years ago you said you had been together for a year at that time. Was 5 years a typo?

Anyways, congrats!

Post # 21
Member
349 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 1985

I just wanted to say Congrats to you and your fiancé. If I had posted stuff about my husband when we were engaged, Bees would have told me to run!  I hope things are better with you both and that you have a beautiful life together. I think this thread hit a nerve with some Bees 🐝 due to your verbage. Nobody knows another persons life at any given moment in time. 

Post # 22
Member
2060 posts
Buzzing bee

A ring is not a prize bee.

If you have to return to an internet community with a flounce post saying that you’ve won and we were all wrong after your posts about how horrible your spouse is then that really speaks to your maturity (or lack thereof) and perhaps you’re not ready for marriage. The end goal should be finding a partnership based on a foundation of trust, communication and respect. 

Enjoy the hollow victory I guess? 

Post # 23
Member
521 posts
Busy bee

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elisa24 :  Congrats!

Your right people here are too harsh in their judgements. Despite many on this post pretending only calm and measured advice is given that’s hardly the case. I didn’t see your posts but I can imagine they were full of “leave nows”,“red flags” and “gaslighting!!” Lol, etc. etc. Obvi they were wrong but watch them bash you and your relationship to justify it now.

Again congrats and all the happiness.

Post # 24
Member
5890 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: January 2017

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Brideordie :  did you actually read her past posts or is the “people on here are way too harsh” your go-to answer for everything?

Post # 25
Member
658 posts
Busy bee

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Brideordie :  I wasn’t part of the original threads, but it might be a good idea to at least read them before commenting that all the bees were ‘obviously wrong’. 

Post # 26
Member
521 posts
Busy bee

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peach11 :  
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lifeisbeeutiful :   I just read them and now I stand double by what I wrote. Sure the guy was dragging his feet and yes some bees told her to leave because he wouldn’t propose, they were wrong but that’s fine that was their opinion and there’s nothing wrong in that. But there were also posts about him “emotionally abusing” and “gaslighting” her when there was absolutely nothing to suggest he was anything but either dragging his feet or not quite ready to ask.

Im serious go back and read them, some are literally calling him an abuser for not proposing. I mean cmon now.

Post # 27
Member
5890 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: January 2017

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Brideordie :  I am not surprised you can’t detect gaslighting of emotional abuse as a lot of your comments are very ill-informed. 

Posting that all bees are going to bash the OP now does you no favors. 

Post # 28
Member
2066 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2019

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lifeisbeeutiful :  well said. Gaslighting is abuse. Maybe 
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Brideordie :  should go watch the movie to understand tthe concept before she turns her nose up at it as silly. 

Post # 29
Member
521 posts
Busy bee

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peach11 :  Well those saying he wouldn’t propose were clearly wrong. I’m not bashing them maybe I would have said the same at the time, I don’t know. I’m talking about the harsher ones which were literally calling him an abuser. Srsly read them and tell me I’m wrong? Even if you don’t like me read them and explain how that was justified or makes sense in any way?

Post # 30
Member
521 posts
Busy bee

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mrsssb :  Oh please a guy being wishy washy about proposing is not abuse. A man promising  proposal then dragging his feet and doing it later than expected isn’t abuse. Srsly.

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