(Closed) Ignore the naysayers.

posted 5 days ago in Waiting
Post # 31
Member
1266 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2019

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Brideordie :  sure he proposed. Finally, selfishly when HE wanted to. Without any thought for how she felt. He called her crazy, he said her wanting to get engaged meant she was depressive. I’m sorry but why would someone want to marry someone like that? Really, think about that for a second. She is signing up for a marriage that’s more of that same selfish mindset where she gets zero say in their life. You know what? If she had moved on when he showed his true character maybe she would have moved on to find a good guy. But as many of us see it all she did here is stay long enough to settle for a not so great guy. 

And that’s why we say engagement isn’t a prize. A whole, healthy, wonderful, equal, emotionally mature relationship is the prize. And when you have that? Getting engaged and married comes easy. 

Post # 32
Member
3263 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2017

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elisa24 :  pretty ring but you sure had a painful road to get it. Congrats though,  hope he is being nicer to you and becomes willing to set an actual wedding date. 

Post # 34
Member
407 posts
Helper bee

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mrsssb :  Ok whatever you say. But I wish her all the happiness and don’t think there’s any need to get little digs in at her by dissing her relationship.

I think her post was just meant to show other waiting bees that sometimes things work out and it’s worth the wait. Not like we couldn’t all use a little hope right now.

Post # 36
Member
407 posts
Helper bee

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lifeisbeeutiful :  Well I see a lot of posts doing exactly that. You may not like my comments but read her posts and some of the comments and tell me I’m wrong?

Post # 38
Member
1266 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2019

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Brideordie :  the intent isn’t to diss her. The intent of most of us on here is to want everyone to know their worth. To encourage people to find the right fit for them. Maybe this guy isn’t the right fit if he’s dragging his feet to the expense of hurting her. Maybe the right fit for him wouldn’t make him be so unkind. Don’t both of them deserve to find the right fit?

This community is meant to try and shine a light on a woman’s right to have a say in her life, her relationship, and what that looks like. It helps no one to blindly clap for posts like this that aren’t based in the reality of her situation. OP deserves someone who thinks of her feelings just as much as she does her partner. Of course we all wish her the best. If we didn’t care we wouldn’t have posted on her long list of posts about this guy. Nor would we be coming on here to post on this one. 

it’s worrying some waiting women on here will see this post and expect even less from a guy just because this woman wants to erase the past and pretend it’s all sunshine. 

Post # 39
Member
407 posts
Helper bee

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obviousanonymous :  your post was measured and I appreciate that. However if that is how anyone defines abuse then I disagree with the definition. But anyway I’m not a big fan of the whole “every slightly negative thing a man does is abuse!” “woke” definition of abuse anyway. I feel it diminishes real abuse and makes us look like over emotional fools, Basically everything women used to get stereotyped as. IMO that kind of thing sets us back on the path to equality. But I’m not looking to hijack this thread so I won’t get into a big thing about that.

Post # 40
Member
1266 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2019

And yes there are some who post pure snark. But those posters are super transparent and easily spotted. Their one off posts don’t invalidate all the advice of us bees who try to help. 

Post # 41
Member
1266 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2019

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Brideordie :  you clearly and truly don’t have any idea what gaslighting means. So it’s pointless to argue terms with someone with their head in the sand. Stick around these boards for long enough that your not a newbie and you might learn something. 

Post # 42
Member
407 posts
Helper bee

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mrsssb :  Well if everyone was as thoughtful and reasonable in their posts as you just were then I never would have commented what I did. 

Edit: sorry I spoke too soon, ignore my olive branch it was written before your comment about my head in the sand

Post # 43
Member
9117 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

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elisa24 :  

Nice ring, and l am glad you are happy at last. God knows you have had to suffer to get where you are now. What made him finally propose?

Anyway, l sincerely hope the engagement remains a happy time and that marriage eventuates in the not too distant future . I hope too, that happiness will give you space to realise and work on the idea that engagement and marriage ought not to be a prize for endurance .

Also, that nobody here is pleased when other peoples relationships are fraught and miserable and that advice to leave is never, or almost never, given lightly. 

Post # 44
Member
9117 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

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Brideordie :  

mrsssb is right though. You demonstrate a breathtaking naïveté and ignorance . Well, we have all been like that when young, but perhaps not so keen  to flaunt it as if it were an attribute .

l have come to think you actually mean well and are genuinely bemused by harsh realities . 

 

Post # 44
Hostess
9127 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: Dorset, UK

Closing this now

The topic ‘Ignore the naysayers.’ is closed to new replies.

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