(Closed) IGNORING FI when Angry … Need help Please !

posted 7 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
3220 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2012

a closed mouth doesn’t get fed– you need to learn to talk to your Fiance and discuss your problems in a mature way.  tell him what you need and don’t ignore him– why would he try to contact you if he knows you’re just going to ignore him?

Post # 4
Member
1542 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

I do the same, in the beginning it was cause I was mad and childish (in my defense I was 15 yrs old). But now it’s a technic we both use and helps our relationship a lot. When we’re mad we don’t talk to each other until we calm down, that way we avoid saying mean things we’ll regret later. It has helped a LOT.

But I totally get that, I don’t call him and he doesn’t call me thing, it’s frustrating. GIve him a day and then talk to him and tell him why you’re mad and how his attitude didn’t help.

Post # 5
Member
1571 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

To be honest, it seems like isn’t you that’s “going through” anything, your Fiance is. Ignoring him isn’t going to make you feel better, it’s going to build resentment in your relationship. I understand needing a cooling off period after an argument to regroup, but ignoring someone you love shouldn’t be used as a punishment.

Post # 6
Member
5993 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

although i can understand wanting to give him the silent treatment i would worry if my then Fiance (now hubby) didnt respond to my calls or texts.  i know i would be imagining he was in a car crash or something and ask yourself, IF something did happen to either of you do you want the last thing you to remember is that you were giving him the silent treatment

i know im making it out to be much simplier than it is but moods come and go but by totally ignoring him, he might get fed up with trying to bridge the gap between the two of you – you need to meet him half way at least, especially if he is making an effort as well. its ok to say im angry and cant speak to you right now but to totally shut down isnt fair i feel

once i gave hubby the silent treatment for so long we actually forgot what we were upset about – so we then spent the rest of the night laughing about how stupid we were

Post # 7
Member
46672 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

so how is this working for you?

Post # 8
Member
3220 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2012

I do agree with the “calming down” time before discussing something– because lashing out in anger can only hurt– but I think you need to literally tell your Fiance: “hey, I am upset about what’s going on and I need some time to process my feelings before we discuss it.” and then follow through on your statement– think about your feelings, find a way to articulate them, and then talk it out in a mature, adult way that respects your relationship. 

Post # 9
Member
1527 posts
Bumble bee

I would suggest not ignoring, but saying something like “I’m really upset right now and I’m not ready to talk right now, but let’s talk in a few hours when we’ve both calmed down.” And maybe set a time or something…I don’t think it’s fair to just leave someone hanging, but it’s important to talk things through rationally and be respectful.

Post # 10
Member
822 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

i’m ignoring him right now too.  i’m waiting for him to apologize. 

Post # 13
Member
5993 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

i always need him to come to me for some sick reason

have you heard of the book the five languages of love – its interesting how people give/desire love and communication in different ways, its a good read

Post # 15
Member
1697 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

Well, I ALWAYS do that BUT we have rules:

one must declare it.” I need some time please leave me alone and i will call you when I’m ready to come home”- I can NOT handle him walking out the door w/o a word so I would never do that to him.

one must put a timeline on it: I’m gonna call you/text you at 9pm to let you know im ok ( I go to work when Im pissed) – this will be a short text “still pissed” if I am not ready to talk and still need space, this also eliminates me starting to worry. and sometimes i go to the next day but i kinda check in with him so as to not just stew in anger.

one must always inform the other if we go out: I sometimes will call my gf’s and vent and they’ll say let’s go out…hell ya! but I will shoot him a short text “going to DBL w/ wendy” so he knows.

Im a brat and I can be REALLY mean when I’m mad so i have to leave his physical presence. I try to do this in a healthy way…which is why I created these “rules” over the years to help me

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