(Closed) IL issues

posted 10 years ago in Emotional
Post # 4
467 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

i have no experience with the generational gap and cultural issues you are dealing with, but i did want to express my support for you and your Fiance – it sounds like you got a good one, and that the family you are building with him will be incredibly strong

is there any chance that as it gets closer to the wedding and your Future Mother-In-Law sees that its actually happening that she may start to soften?  is there anyone in his family that he still speaks to (aunts, uncles, cousins?)

my heart goes out to you – stay strong and keep your head up

Post # 5
857 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

Hmm, from what I understand about Indian In-Law Relationships (and that isn’t much), is that either they will always hate you and you’re husband will either choose them or you eventually, or once you have THEIR grandchildren, they will begin to accept you. Also, you need to be nice (which it sounds like you are) even when she is mean because you have to be respectful. I’m really sorry if I have this situation wrong. Like I said, I’m not that familiar, but I wanted to try and help. Either way, it sounds like your husband is a good man. I’ll hope the best for you!

Post # 6
121 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

My fi and I both don’t have much of a culture of religion in our families. So, I don’t know what your going though and won’t pretend I do. But like the bee before me I just wanted to show my support for you and your fi. It is a shame your in laws feel the need to be so nasty towards you. Just keep your head up and remember your better than that and you have class.

Post # 7
980 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

That sucks and it is really wrong for her to be so disrespectful to you. It nust be rough, but good for your Fiance to draw a hard line with his family. If they are going to be so awful to his future wife, they are cutting themselves out of his life. He’s a grown man and his mother does not have veto power over who he loves!

FMIL’s feelings probably don’t reflect the views of all the family, especially anyone younger who will have likely have a more modern/American viewpoint. They’re probably just scared of pissing off FMIL! Could you try reaching out to them without saying anything specific about his mom? Like “We are really hoping you will be able to join us and support ___ on our wedding day.” Good luck and I hope things improve!

Post # 12
15520 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

Oh wow, what a terrbile situation they have put you guys in. I’m sorry, but my only experience from Indian belief is that it doesnt look good.  And with most people, the more they tell themself something, the more stubborn they will be to not change their mind cause they’ve spent so much time convincing themself they are right.

One of my friends is Indian, after 8 years of dating his Girlfriend in secret because she was not indian, he finally told his parents about her.  His father, as he expected refused to acknowledge it, his mother took some time, but was eventually accepting.  Another 2 years later, neither showed up to the wedding.  His father refused, and would not allow his mother to either. 

Another friend of mine right now, Indian is dating a non Indian also, and his parents do not accept her either.  It’s been 2 years and they still try to encourage him to leave her.

Post # 13
5983 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: January 1999

View original reply
@Karissa: Oh my!  Those are horrible things to hear from the mother of the man you love most.  I don’t understand the cultural differences, but just wanted to express to you how sorry I am.  I would just stand your ground, not stoop to her level, and continue to love your fiance’ because he obviously is head-over-heels in love with you (and your child)! 

Post # 16
857 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

Yeh, I can understand that you’re tired of trying. I commend you for even doing that much because I couldn’t do it. If you’re husband is cool with you keeping the future kids from his parents (I feel like his feelings should be taken into consideration too :)), then do it, because I definitely would in your situation. But I didn’t want to just tell you it sounds hopeless to me without trying to at least help first. I really, really hope that things work out for you in the long run though, and I am really sorry that you have to deal with this.

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