(Closed) IL issues

posted 10 years ago in Emotional
Post # 18
4136 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

did she find you on weddingbee?

if so, wouldn’t she be able to read this thread too? maybe it’s not a good idea to blast these family problems across the internet.

Post # 20
151 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

I’m Indian and I totally understand where you are coming from, and I’m so so sorry for you 🙁 It’s a shame that even in 2011, some Indian parents have such a backwards mentality. It just makes me so angry when I still hear stories like this. Your FIL’s have absolutely no right to judge you on your past, and the comment your Future Mother-In-Law made about “keeping your legs closed” is so disrespectful and inappropriate. I have a friend who is in a similar situation, her boyfriend and her are both Indian, but have different religious backgrounds, and her parents refuse to accept him, even after almost 8 years of dating! She had done everything she could to try to get them to accept him, but nothing worked. Her father came around a little bit, but her mother was relentlessly against him, and the father ended up siding with the mother. Even her siblings wouldn’t stand up for her, because they didn’t want to defy the parents. The whole situation just has my blood boiling. I wish I could give you more advice on how to handle this, and I’m just so sorry you are going through this 🙁

Post # 23
293 posts
Helper bee

I can’t help but think that showing her this thread on weddingbee couldn’t have helped matters and probably made them worse. No one likes to see that someone else has spoken poorly of them on the internet, and I’m sure someone from a traditional background feels that way even more strongly. I am very sorry you are going through this…

Post # 24
6350 posts
Bee Keeper

Oh my. I would be so hurt if someone ever spoke of my daughter that way…

Post # 27
293 posts
Helper bee

View original reply

What I meant by speaking poorly of her was basically airing the facts of what she did in a public place. Yes, all you did was post things that she actually did and said (horrible things to both you and your daughter). But if she comes from a culture where it is of greatest importance to avoid “being shamed”, being publically criticized could make her embarrassed and, I’m guessing, enraged. That is the key point to me.

Picture it from her point of view, reading it. From her perspective, she probably feels like she is doing the right thing to protect her son, and that you are the one causing damage to the family. Personally I think what she is doing is awful, of course, but if it were me, I would want to avoid any possibility of making the damage worse than it already is.

Though after reading more in the other thread it seems like things may already be beyond repair, so I guess I can see how you may feel it can’t possibly get any worse. In any case, I’m sorry to hear about this situation and I hope it works out in the end.



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