I'll cover the cost BUT….

posted 2 months ago in Family
Post # 2
Member
752 posts
Busy bee

Have these extra 60 people already been invited? I’d be declining her cash and “because I said so” guests.

Otherwise telling her you have no intention of paying her back for any guests that cover their plate should come from your Fiance. Stop the info train to her after that, she just needs to know the date, time and location of the wedding. 

Post # 4
Member
905 posts
Busy bee

“However, if they give you a gift that is enough to cover the cost of their plate, I expect you to pay me back for their plate price”

 

Nope.

Post # 5
Member
117 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2018

I agree with the above poster. Your fiancé should thank her for the offer but say that ultimately you’ve decided to pay for the wedding yourselves. That will mean you’ll have to cut the guest list and maybe some other costs but I think it’ll be worth not having to deal with mil’s demands. I guarantee this will not be the last time she holds her contribution over your heads during this planning process. I also am not a fan of of a “gift” with strings attached. If you wanted a loan you could’ve gone to a bank. 

Post # 6
Member
6626 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2016

gunnabamissus :  No this is crazy. How are you even supposed to figure all this out? What if one of them gives you a picture frame or something? Do you have to call that guest and ask the exact dollar amount they spent? And then you write your Mother-In-Law a check, essentially paying for a gift you didn’t even necessarily want? Or if they give cash are you just expected to hand it over to your MIL? What does your Fiance say about all of this? I’d honestly have him tell her how ridiculous she is being. Either she pays for these guests or she doesn’t (I personally would just say no to her money and extra guests and call it a day). She doesn’t get recouped depending on their level of gifting. 

Post # 7
Member
213 posts
Helper bee

No way.  Let her know while you appreciate her offer to *loan* you money-  because that is exactly what it is-  that your budget is firm and you simply can’t cover the costs of her extra guests neither before or after the wedding, and you do not wish to rely on the generosity of your guests and any gift they may chose to give.

Post # 8
Member
3235 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2017 - City, State

Do not accept her money. It will lead to nothing but headaches. Besides, covering a guest’s plate is all well and good, but more guests means more decorations, more chairs, more cutlery, more napkins, more glassware, etc. So she’s effectively NOT covering the cost of the extra guests, even if she covers their plate. 

Also if you decline her money, then she doesn’t have sway to balloon your guest list. 

Post # 10
Member
5968 posts
Bee Keeper

This is common in some cultures – the parents pay for the wedding, and any gifts go to remburse the parents and the surplus is a wedding gift to the couple. No surplus, no gift, just a free wedding. 

Personally I’d reject the money and not invite these people. I think your fi needs to be the one to tell her no. Maybe something like “We aren’t comfortable with this arrangement. We would prefer to pay for the wedding ourselves, so won’t be inviting these additional guests. Thanks for understanding.” and close the convo off quick. 

Post # 11
Member
680 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2020

That is the absolute strangest thing I have ever heard. So basically, their gifts are to HER then, not you two? As a guest, I would feel so offended and outraged if I found out my monetary gift went to some in-law who felt entitled for a payback and not the intended couple. Hard pass.

I would just flat out tell her that no, you don’t feel comfortable doing that and that it would be a logistical nightmare and that you’ll instead stick with the original guest list.

Post # 12
Member
1375 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2018

Gotta agree with the pp’s.  The extra 60 is either on her dime 100% or no invites. 

Post # 13
Member
6626 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2016

MiniMeow :  “Besides, covering a guest’s plate is all well and good, but more guests means more decorations, more chairs, more cutlery, more napkins, more glassware, etc. So she’s effectively NOT covering the cost of the extra guests, even if she covers their plate.”

gunnabamissus : PP makes a VERY GOOD POINT. With 60 extra guests, that’s not just meals that are costing you more. It’s place settings, centerpieces, waitstaff…So in the end, if you have to pay Mother-In-Law back per meal, you will be LOSING money.  

Post # 14
Member
3271 posts
Sugar bee

Ridiculous. Tell her if that’s the case you don’t need her money and you’ll just stick with the 120 person guest list.

Post # 15
Member
4098 posts
Honey bee

“While we appreciate your offer to cover the extra guests you added to our guestlist, we have decided we will be sticking with our original guest list for the sake of simplicity.” 

Repeat ad nauseum.

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