- 5 years ago
- Wedding: May 2016
I am a pleaser. I hate lettiing people down
Last June when I set off to pick my bridesmaids I had seven. I had two maids of honor as well. They age anywhere from 20-45.
I picked a couple of them simply because I felt bad. Don’t do this. I know it sounds so obvious but it has made so much more pain than the little pain and fight that would have occured. A red flag could have been my mom laughing saying she was going to make a Fantasy Football verision of Bridesmaids- just guessing who would cause grief first.
Edit for context : if I didn’t pick this lady and everybody else in friends circle she would have been hurt… And awkward.
Oh man. I should have known here. Picking the dress. I figured with different body types it would be easy to go to azazie online and just give them a color. But when Bridesmaid X (nickname) picks out every single tight short dress problems arose. I just didn’t see it fit for my wedding. For my inlaws, for my family, and for the groom. I eventually ended up just picking one for everybody. It is long and I admit it truly makes everybody look great. To be honest I didn’t look great it my cousin’s wedding but she loved how everybody looked. So I don’t care. She looked beautiful.
I really wanted to be flexible with them- but almost all of my BMs are equally flexible back and I really cherished how they gave me the creative ability to pick their dress.
Walking With The Groomsmen
So now months later I had to decide who would walk with who. I wanted my Maid/Matron of Honor first obviously and then family to follow. Apparently that didn’t work. Bridesmaid X didn’t want to walk with other groomsmen because he was “too short.” So I kindly changed it. She didn’t like the other one because he was “sorta weird.” Okay I let her pick. Not worth the fight.
Ordering The Dress
Every wedding that I am in I get things done. I don’t make a lot of money but I will skip eating out once a month or skip the bottle of wine to put away some cash for the dress. I meet deadlines. I gave BMs a year to save up and order their dress. I offered financial assistance to them if they desired (It was expensive-$129 dollars) The dresses take 7 weeks to make. I set a deadline by March 1st (I knew some would be late so I picked an earlier deadline). Wedding is May 26th. Well Last week rolls round.. bridesmaid X…still no dress. I offered to help with measurements. I offfered to help to do it online. I let them pick their shoes. I gave them some cheap options. Seriously not picking. They are shoes…I know they can match shoes with a dress.
The Freaking Hair
So all of my bridesmaids and I have pretty similiar hair. Long and healthy. Except one who has short thinning hair. Bridesmaids are absolutely not required to professionally get their hair done. My aunt is fabulous at hair but I totally said I would schedule them at the salon if they wannted. Well then the “how should we wear our hair?” questions came in. Well frick I dunno! My Maid/Matron of Honor helped me and showed me some pinterest photos. Since one of the bridesmaids has short thinning hair and some don’t hold a curl she sent out some updo ideas. I don’t frackin care if they are the exact same.
Well ring a frickinling my phone is blowing up. This is two days ago. Bridesmaid X got her panties in a bunch because I reccomended hair up. Here comes the complaining “I already have to wear that bright red dress you picked” “I should be able to wear my hair normal”
Anyway she wants the same hair style as me. Why the bleep is there a fight over HAIR going on? I thought I was getting married and that is what was important.
So I do a good ol weddingbee board search. Okay turns out brides who pick hairstyles are micromanagers. Woops. Didn’t know that. Always thought that was just the norm. Now here is where I mess up again. I lose the classiness. For some reason I am focused on the dumb hair because I have been annoyed all year trying to be flexible with her. Now she can’t throw her hair up to match the other BMs? It ain’t about hair. It is when she goes “I would rather just not go than wear my hair up” There it is. My friggin updo is a deal breaker on being with me on the wedding day. Okay whatever wear your hair how you want. Ain’t dealing with this month before the wedding. Would have like for her to match the others and not choose the same look as me but BMs aren’t dolls. I can’t help but have preferences though…
“I feel that I should have a say in how my hair is done. I am in pictures.” Valid point. Though she wears her hair up ALL THE TIME.
Doomsday: Failure To Order Dress
Receive a text today from BMX (lol). “Dress takes seven weeks to get here” I respond “yes” BMX- “Well that is after the wedding” Me–“yes” BMX-“Okay”
BMX- “I can’t afford the dress my mom won’t get it for me” Well..okay doesn’t change the fact that it won’t get here on time.
Edit: Also what are we 12?
Now I can’t respond. I don’t have anything nice to say. Financial burdens? Heck ya I get it. Especially after buying the wedding. But she proceeds to make me feel bad for the expensive dress! Last time she visted she bought over $100 in hard alcohol and another hundred of Washington Legal Marijuana. She could literally skip a bottle a month and save up (and save her liver but whatever). I am feeling she is valuing concerts, substances, and life pleasures over me as a friend.
Here comes Maid/Matron of Honor. I ask her to please take care of it. Figure out if she wants to even be in it. Honestly my second Maid/Matron of Honor just decided she didn’t wanna do it some months back. She said it straight up. She had school and work. No hard feelings, man. I get it. If BMX doesn’t wanna be in it then fine. But I am a pleaser, remember.. Maid/Matron of Honor asks if she wants to be in the wedding. She says I don’t have 100 dollars now why would I have 200 for rush production? Being all snarky snark like. Maid/Matron of Honor “Not my problem. If you want to attend just show up as a guest and we still hope to see you there.”
Ish Hits The Fan-A Ruined Friendship
BMX Says “Okay” Well that is that. I have a meeting with coordinator so I remove her from group message because I gotta redo some crap now. But she is blowing up my phone. The bitch word is being thrown out. Saying I demanded “a million things” I only asked for shoes and a dress. Is this unreasonable? They all have Bath and Body works Gifts. Custom Robes. Jewelery. Bachelorette party and bridal shower gifs. None of them gave me gifts for bridal shower because I told them not to because they are already doing so much!
Then out of the blue “I will order the G*d d*mn dress but after the wedding I am so done with you both”
But now..I don’t want her there..so badly I don’t want her there.
I feel bad because I snapped at her a couple times and didn’t realize that brides shouldn’t pick out a hairstyle. But I feel that my apology and changing my decision should remedy the situation. The dress? Well I dunno. I just didn’t want an immodest dress on my BMs.
Please. Pick your BMs wisely. Do not try to please anyone. Don’t micromanage…but also..don’t be afraid to express things that you want. I have never experienced something like this with grown women. I feel like I got sent back to high school and I hate it.
Thanks internet land. I ain’t perfect but I did need to vent and get the bad vibes out. I would really like be able to enjoy the last month of planning without anxiety.
Cheers (if you’re still reading 😉