(Closed) I’ll Pay… For Part! Dealing With FMIL.

posted 9 years ago in Money
Post # 3
2249 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2018

I had a simmilar situation with my fmil- can you have the whole wedding be just beer and wine? Do you know why she is doing this? Is she trying to be passive agressive and make your wedding what she wants? Or is she confused about what she would have to pay? Is it possible to have beer and wine and one signature drink to cut down on costs?

Post # 5
14183 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

Let your Fiance do it, man! I’m a big advocate of staying out of situations with irrational/strangely minded people as much as you can! In my opinion, if you’re offering money, money is money! Why does it have to matter what it’s used for?!?! So dumb! Can yout ell her it’s an all or nothing thing and your venu only offers X amoutn and she can just GIVE YOU the $300 to offset the cost? I mean, tickets, etc, what a pain!

What if she just buys a bottle of wine for each table or something like that?

Post # 6
2640 posts
Sugar bee

That is annoying.  Is there some way you Fi can just convince her to let go of the money, and give it to him to take care, with the catering manager?  Can you just appease her with the beer thing, and make up the difference yourselves?  45 ppl isn’t a ton.  What would the cost of an open bar at your venue be?  And for what durations, just cocktail hour, through dinner, all night?

Post # 7
40 posts
  • Wedding: April 2010

Can she just give you $300 towards the reception and then you use it for whatever you want to?  I don’t see why its a big deal… I mean $300 worth of beer costs the same as $300 worth of liquor.  LoL… you just get less liquor! 😉  But its still $300!!!!!!  It sounds a little fishy… or… controlling maybe??  I would just ask for her to write you a check towards the reception… thank her very much for her contribution, be done with it and do whatever you want with the bar.  Good luck!!

Post # 8
165 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2009

I am in a very similar situation!!  My Future Mother-In-Law, from the minute she heard we were engaged, insisted they would pay for alcohol, very gracious.  Now, her other son got married in southern illinois on an air force base (he’s in the air force), paid for his alcohol, and it was 1/4 the cost of what ours will be.  our wedding is in chicago, at a private venue.  recently she blew up at my fiance and screamed about how the wedding was making them broke, how our venue was run by sheisters, and she’s running around talking to all her friends about how ridiculous the cost of our venue is compared to her other son.  by the way, for our location and reception package, the price is extremely competitive.  fiance can’t talk to her about money, it has been a sore spot between them for years, so i am trying to take Future Mother-In-Law out for a meal where we can be alone (and in PUBLIC – no scenes!) and discuss her contributing an amount she is more comfortable with.  That’s what seems so silly to me – she wants to pay for the alcohol… but to the venue money is money.  So any money just pays for x percent of the party.

In your situation, which seems more about Future Mother-In-Law paying for her family’s drinks and not yours, I’d probably ask the venue to play along with you and tell her they cannot split it up that way, that any contribution is going to the bar in general.

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