(Closed) I'm 19…how long do I have to wait???

posted 7 years ago in 20 Something
  • poll:
    You should date someone else first : (21 votes)
    5 %
    You should wait until after college : (291 votes)
    67 %
    You should wait at least a year or two : (89 votes)
    21 %
    You could get married now : (32 votes)
    7 %
  • Post # 47
    Member
    2587 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: October 2014 - UK

    @Lovemelovemyhorses:  I agree – living together can totally change things, particularly when you’re still learning to live in the real world. Money, bills and hell, even chores can cause real issues which can scupper relationships.

     

    I absolutely don’t think you need to date other people – my FH was my first everything, and I don’t need to date anyone else to know we’re sorted – but I would wait until you’ve finished college and are a bit older.

    For a start, I look back at myself when I started University and look at myself now and I am a little surprised I’m the same person. And again looking back at myself in High School, I’m so different again (and frankly surprised I made it through HS without anyone throttling me because GOD I was annoying).

    University is a time of big changes, but it’s also the place where you’ll get ‘finished’ as a grownup. Living in close quarters with people, learning how to deal with them like adults, taking responsibility for everything yourself, it’s all about just helping you fill out into the adult you will be, and just smoothing down the rough edges before you’re set loose into the real world. I’d make the most of that before plunging yourself into wedding planning.

    Post # 49
    Member
    1344 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: January 2014

    @yanamari:  

    Just wanted to say that your first point does not neccessarily, or only, apply to young people. Many people live with their parents, do not have jobs and do not experience the ‘real’ world until they are well into adulthood, and on the other hand, some people move out at a young age and become independent (i personally have not relied on my parents for anything since I was 16).

    Your second point is a good and valid one. Most people don’t finish developing mentally until their mid twenties. However, we are always developing, maybe not as much as in our early life, but we are. If we waited until a point of mental stagnation to marry, we’d all die alone. Plus, in the last 5 years i’ve developed a lot (as i’m sure OP has), but our relationship is still happy, healthy and strong. The past is the best predictor of the future, so here’s hoping that in another 5 years FH and I will be just as happy and strong as we were 5 years ago 😀

    Post # 50
    Member
    808 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: February 2013

    You probably have as good a chance as anyone else. Marriage is hard, no matter how old you are. Maybe you guys could get engaged and take a pre-maritial class together?

    My Fiance and I are in our 40’s, we’ve both been married twice before and we are taking a pre-maritial class.

    Post # 51
    Member
    442 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: June 2013

    I vote wait until after college. So much changes in those four years. I was a whole new person after I graduated. 

    Post # 52
    Member
    2838 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: October 2012

    My older sister married her high school sweetheart during her last semester of college. Nothing wrong with that.

    My suggestion for you is this:  Wait for him to transfer to the school, give it a year for you two to adjust to going to the same school. If all is still amazing, then get married. You will most likely be able to get married housing for a decent amount on campus and it should help with the FAFSA money you get.

    Best wishes to you!

    Post # 53
    Member
    2966 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: May 2014

    @abeautifulunion:  

    1. Yes, it’s ok that you haven’t dated anyone else.

    2. Wait until after you graduate college and start to form your young-woman personality. There is no rush in getting married, he will still be by your side if it is meant to work out. 

    Good luck. 

    @TheFutureMrsNguyen: Same here. 

    Post # 54
    Member
    407 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: November 2012

    You’ll never live long enough to make every mistake. Take wisdom from those who have already lived the experience. Between 19 and 25 is a major transistion period. Do people get married in that time? Yes. But they’re also more likely to get divorced. Do they think it at the time? No. But it’s only after a lot of chaos and drama that they can see where they went wrong. It’s never before hand.

    Give your relationship the best chance for success you can. Give yourself and your relationship time to mature. And please stop counting your teen years as real dating. Living with mom and dad and seeing boyfriend around your highschool schedule is not real life. Your real life is just starting.

    Post # 55
    Member
    1729 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: June 2013

    My best friend and her husband were in this same position. They started dating the summer after 8th grade and always knew they were meant to be. They waited until my friend finished nursing school and her boyfriend (now husband) was able to establish his contruction business.

    They were married after about 9 years after they first became a couple.

    Post # 56
    Member
    3355 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: May 2012

    my bottom line is: wait until after college.

    Post # 57
    Member
    535 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: November 2012

    The both of you are the only ones that will truly know when you two are ready. I’m in a similar situation. I met my SO when I was in high school, we’ve been together 4.5 years and I was his first and only girlfriend. Now, he is 21 and I’m 20 and we’ve been married for 2 weeks. I could not be happier with the decision and I don’t listen when people try to tell us we are too young. I will say that we have been living together for 2 years now, and that helps to really get to know someone and decide if you want to be together for the rest of your lives.

    Post # 58
    Member
    100 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: June 2012

    I’m with the other bees who say wait until after college. Even if you’re certain you’ll be together forever, it’s worth thinking about how to best start your life together.

    You both have a lot of life changes ahead of you, and they can be stressful. College can be stressful, transferring schools can be stressful, graduating and starting a career, planning the wedding, moving in together — all these things can be super stressful! Relationships can really get rocky when both partners are going through big changes. 

    If you’re really right for each other, of course you’ll come through everything ok no matter when you do it all, but why not spread out those stressful things a bit? You’ll set yourself up for success better if you take things one (or a few) at a time rather than trying to do it all at once.

    Don’t think of this time as being on hold, just waiting for real life to start. Enjoy being together during college, as you meet new people and explore new things together. Enjoy starting new jobs, maybe in a new place. Then you can devote your whole attention to planning your wedding and your marriage.

    Post # 59
    Member
    1130 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: June 2013

    I don’t think you need to date other people, but I do think you should wait until after you graduate from college. I know people who dated young and waited and were so happy they did. Also, I know someone who was in pretty much your exact position, thought she was going to marry the guy and then things fell apart in an ugly way. I’m not saying he may not be the guy you want to marry in 5 years (he may or may not be, no one knows!), but it’s probably a good idea to wait it out until you both are at a more stable place in your life before getting married. Only you can decide though.

    Post # 60
    Member
    9129 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: August 2013 - Rocky Mountains USA

    Hey lady!  I would wait til after college if I were you.  The year or so post-college, when you’re trying to figure out where to live, what/where to work, who you are as a “real adult”, etc can bring about sooooo many personal changes.  A strong relationship, like it sounds like yours is, can definitely withstand all of that change and growth.  But often people grow apart.

    My 2 cents, as a 30-year-old marrying my first and only love whom I started dating when I was 17.  I don’t think you should necessarily wait as long as us (we were kinda anti-establishment there for a long while, lol) but I think it’s really healthy to grow into full adults together before marrying…

    I *don’t* think you need to date other people.  If you’re not settling at all and this guy makes you happier and more fulfilled than anyone you could possibly dream up, then congrats!  You found the right one on the first try.  I can relate.  Pretty awesome huh?  🙂

    Post # 61
    Member
    732 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: August 2013

    You’d be suprized how much your early 20’s can change you. you anf your bf may end up 2 completely different people by the end but you may come out stronger than ever. The personality changes so much between  20 and 25. its where you become who you are for the rest of your life and if he changes into someone you dont like and your married? you have to go through devorce an d deal with all the financial burdens of school, marriage and then devorce. Just give it some time and let it be as it is, enjoy what you have. 

    Post # 62
    Member
    757 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: August 2013

    Yeah I definitely agree with PPs that you don’t need to date other people, but I just want to reiterate what I said a few days ago. You JUST started college, that is a huge major life change and is most certainly probably the biggest one of you have been through yet.

    Give yourself time to focus on learning how to study and be a college student, I totally understand the temptation to look ahead, but you won’t get the fullest experience of college if you are focusing on getting married and your future. 

    The topic ‘I'm 19…how long do I have to wait???’ is closed to new replies.

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